Project Me

It’s either the ice pack and the anti inflammatories or it’s great company but I have actually been able so sit for long enough to feel human enough to write. It’s a moment of feeling good and I know I have a long way to go, but I can see the end of the rainbow when I know that I was able to be out and active for a whole day and actually be able to sit.

The one thing I knew I would have to do if I was going to blog about my life, was be totally honest with everyone around me because I will never know who is reading this. It’s never easy to know that someone feels more for you than you do for them, but I don’t have it in me to reject someone if we get on well but there is some element missing. I have learned far too often that there are beautiful people and dozens of options for different types of relationships.

So, I spend the day with Zoo Daddy and had an awesome time. He did notice that I’m a bit reserved and shared with me that he doesn’t ever see me expressing my emotions. I was talking about a very special song and he said he could see the emotion in my eyes, but I never let on. The conversation was interesting because  I think I’m good (not great) at being truthful about my emotions, but I’m not sure if I explain them the way he wishes I would. I’ve also had my fair share of interesting situations with me (especially of late), so I have to admit that I am a little reserved.

It was awesome to be so honest and talk freely, although I think I was still a little reserved.

We had a gorgeous brunch, went for a walk in the park and then sat and chatted for hours. A day is never complete without a double thick milkshake at the famous Dolls’ House road house.

My back ached the whole time. I had to jump between sitting and standing. I felt like a cripple when I couldn’t even open the door or wind down the window, but I could totally be me. That’s always my benchmark for a good day. I know we have lots of work to do in the friendship but I really hope we get it right. I’ve had men come and go, but have never had anyone I regret meeting, sharing a moment with or giving my best shot at maintaining some kind of relationship. I think to spend a day like that when I know that pre ‘project me’ I wouldn’t have tried to make a friendship if someone weren’t relationship material.
I tried this with Text Guy and I’ve finally had to realise that it didn’t go my way. I can’t do the on and off friendship depending on whether he has taken his girlfriend back into his life or not … sadly, it’s still a conversation I need to have!

But, today I sat and learned about fly fishing and bait. I learned someones perception of me and and made it food for thought.  He thinks I’m a little princess who wouldn’t dare, but I might just take up that offer of fly fishing and have yet another great day!

As for my back, I have done everything the chiro has told me to and went for a long walk in the park. I’m going again tomorrow with my brother and slowly learning the vital importance of core body strength.
Right at the beginning of ‘project me’ I was thrilled that I had managed to drag myself from walking around the block and finally began at the gym. I’ve had spurts of exercising between broken toes, occasional bursts of flu and my aching back, but I’m proud of my attempt to be consistent. While walking in the park I was bold enough to tell Zoo Daddy just how overweight I used to be and how I wouldn’t have managed to walk around the block with the weight I lugged around. Now I’m ready to start pilates …. that realisation is amazing!

‘Project me’ has made me realise that there is no such thing as bad. That today was great and before it would have been one of pain, disappointment and frustration. I would have been uncomfortable not feeling the same way that someone else feels about me. I would have hated the pain and wanted to lie in bed all day. Instead, I made it a great day … as always!