Project Me

I have done everything under the sun to avoid blogging tonight.
Some of the distractions were in my highest esteem, like having a long overdue chat to Pandora and another needed one to Text Guy. I also go the February newsletter off … woo hoo! http://jodene.co.za/newsletters
Others were in a much lower esteem, like eating myself into near coma and … um … still eating!!

Besides spending precious time with a special friend who is visiting from overseas and discovering gingerbread ice cream … well the rest of the day has been filled with turmoil and confusion, hurt and doing some hurting! All because of one thing … Project me!

I couldn’t fake positivity if I tried right now and have to admit that, although I wouldn’t change anything for the world, the consequences to my every choice and decision has been cause for a day filled with tears, confrontation and near sabotage of my dreams.
All I have wanted to achieve in choosing to blog my way through my project, is to be an inspiration!
Inspiring comes at a very high price!
I have to do what I believe is best for me! I am the only one who needs to believe in me. I am the only one who needs to be proud of me, respect me, have faith in me, trust me or love me!
It’s hard to realise that in some instances … I really am the only one!
All I want is to make it through this year with my head held high that I had the fun I set out to have, that I lived the life that makes me proud and that I never gave up on myself … tonight it feels almost impossible!

I am a writer of a very special kind. I write for the world and have the ability to morph from an adult to a child and write for all those spaces in between. That is because I am both adult and child. I can see the world as the most feminine of women and then as the most playful of little girl! In that, I have not limited myself to the power of my words.
I escape into the fantasy world of make believe for children and then write a chapter or two of a novel about a woman and her journey of healing. A newsletter about metaphysics and the laws of attraction of manifestation myths then springs up on my agenda to complete and in between a moment of writer’s block I write another verse for the children’s website (that is all about the world and the awareness of life). Then a message pops up on my skype that someone is in a failing relationship and they need advice on how to fix a crisis in the bedroom. My writing hat changes and the teacher emerges and within half an hour of writing a healing formula for a couple … I go back to writing something else in the direction of life that I know my words are needed! … I wrote this for me, so that I can better understand that I, in fact, am exactly the person I want to be … shame and regret free …

Thank you for listening …