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Published February 24th, 2011
I’m thinking it’s going to be one of those days.
Waking up to the wild antics of a kitten that looks like she should have been named after a princess is my own fault … I never should have named her after a mischievous dragon. It would have been cute were I not coming down from the sugar rush of a lifetime.
Or is it that I’m finally building a healthy enough relationship with my body that I can feel the impact of food on my entire system?
Of course I blame Hustler Girl and in her comment she is going to blame me in return. The bottom line is that our little binge of what we thought was a well deserved ‘cheat’ meal left me learning things about myself that my poor sugar levels have been trying to learn for years. My body only wants to be fed certain things. My body doesn’t like too much refined, oily, sugary stuff that we are used to eating every day.
When I was little one of my favourite things to do was play with a yo-yo. I can’t tell you how many I had but one of my best ones had a face on it and I used to imagine that is was a person getting all dizzy as I twirled and spun it. You know that eeeeewww feeling? Well I had that from the moment my sugar spiked for the first time. Hmmm … lesson learned!
But wait, there’s more … sugar that is!! Don’t those biscuity things with the yummy strawberry begging to be eaten just look scrumptious? I didn’t realise the invitation to The Venus Network for some fun and a product research workshop for South Africa’s Tea Lovers biscuits would include an array of delicious treats made from the biscuits … naive, I know!
So we all know just how engrossed in online networking I am. I’ve mentioned for long enough how I can mingle anywhere online but don’t like arriving at venues on my own. Let’s not forget that if you spin me around I’m lost. It was also time to meet a ‘stranger’ that I’ve only been communicating with via every other means possible except face to face. I’ve had a few ‘project me’ stories of connecting with someone and chatting for ages only to never speak again after the actual meeting. This person is really sweet and I don’t want them to go away … so the combination of all of this was like a sugar rush all on it’s own.
I liked it … all of it … the personal social networking. Spending time at the gorgeous venue, Life on 3rd in Mellville and putting a gentle face to a very special voice. On that note, it’s a great thank you to Life on 3rd for the absolutely delicious sweet treats that were all made with Tea Lovers biscuits. If I didn’t stress about a potential sugar coma, I would have indulged a tad more.
I also discovered that I quite like tapping into another creative side of myself. Yes, words flow like water with me but when we were presented with cardboard, crayons, pencils and magazines and asked to be artistically creative, I panicked a little. I can write what I think, but to draw it … that’s not me! Or is it??? Maybe the sugary experience that thrust me into the unfamiliar world of creativity sparked a little more confidence in a few more areas of possibility. Don’t panic … I’m not about to try and sketch a Monet.
I met a super interesting woman there and we were Facebook friends before we walked out the door. When you realise you have 4 friends in common and 3 of them are from a dating site, you know that the world is but an oyster shell. Of course they would have to include both Mr Big and The Jock. I saw The Jock yesterday so I know he’s alive and well, but I haven’t heard from Mr Big since the day we decided to ‘end it’ but stay friends. I can feel my sugars rising just thinking about the 6 months that have passed since he made any contact. Admittedly, I have been worried about him because there hasn’t even be any activity on his Facebook since last year. No … I’m not stalking him, exactly! Imagine my surprise when I received a message from him less than 10 minutes after I made a new friend. My initial reaction was relief that he’s alive but then the rest of the emotions came gushing in. The curiosity is killing him … How do I know this woman we now have in common? How is the house hunting? How am I liking my new hair colour? Am I married yet?? … The down side of social networking … but then again it is my choice to announce all of these things for the world to see. Oh shit … I blog daily too! Right, nothing to hide!
So I learned he’s alive and well and that was good enough for me. I chose not to write back, just like I chose not to poke Text Guy back and I chose not to go down any repeated road with The Jock.
Despite the fact that I feel like hell today and am now in a state that I pushed my body over the edge and have diabetes as of this moment on, I had some of the most fun, special and empowering moments all thanks to a shit load of sugar!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published February 8th, 2011
I’m racing against time to blog because the electricity is off again thanks to the builders who are slowly mutilating the house around us. It’s interesting to have to let it go considering we are officially tenants here, but there are builders, dust and spurts of water and power interruptions all the time.
It’s not helping my mood, but I’m not good at rolling over and not tackling the things that obviously come up for a reason. So the number of things that have been creeping out of the woodwork. I don’t believe that issues hit any of us out of the blue. I believe that they linger and give little signs that indicate there is work to be done and if we ignore them long enough then all of a sudden it feels as though we are hit with a ten ton truck while happily skipping across the road.
Everything is emerging and yesterday I had to do something about it. Choice one was to stay in bed all day and listen to Country music (yes, I have the ability to do that ALL day). Choice two was to get up and take one step at a time through the things I have been avoiding or anxious about.
The start was gym because on any typical day when I feel like it’s the end of the world, I think gym would be the last thing I would want to do in my final hours. It’s far from my final hours, so I dragged my ass there. The truth is that with each step I take I am feeling better about myself and my body. Of course old fears are creeping out of the woodwork and I did walk around the track saying particularly horrid things to myself. It’s not creeping up just to weigh down my self esteem. It’s finally here to do something about it … and I did! I carried on through the entire day without binging, cravings or saying anything nasty to precious me.
Work wise … jeez is there a lot going on there! I don’t even know where to begin to bring myself to my fullest potential, but admitting that is good enough right now. So I did the greatest ‘project me’ thing and took one little step to do something that has been scaring me. I had this brainwave to invite people who have made successes of their lives and lived their ‘project me’ to tell their story. It’s a great concept and all I had to do was come up with 10 impactful questions and an inviting letter to have people wanting to share their story with myself and my very special readers. Well, I decided that weeks ago and placed it on the to-do list. Okay, I did attempt to put it together on more than one occassion, but just ended up being pissed off with me. Yesterday I decided to just do the intro letter. I knew the questions would be tough and I decided not to overload my already weary ego. This is what I love about taking one little step … before it was time for my weekly lunch with Greggie, I was done with everything.
To ask myself is that was so difficult is only being mean to me and that’s a pattern I’m far to aware of to even attempt to repeat.
Well, haven’t the boys just been creeping out of the woodwork too. I will never stop The Jock from flirting, but something has changed and the bond is growing stronger. He is always good for me esteem even if it’s not in my highest esteem to say that. I will always think he’s gorgeous and it’s been so long since I felt all woman-like that his flirting feeds my weary ego a little.
Text Guy got me on Whatsapp last night. How odd? How long has it been? He vanished into thin air before I even hurt myself last year and then tells me that he’s just got an iPhone and he’s playing around. That’s not all … remember the Facebook dude who was in town and was supposed to meet me but then he stood me up? Well he got hold of me too. This is the best part … he asked if I could help him with his esteem because he’s petrified to start a project he has wanted to do for years. It was beyond tough to have to speak my truth to both of these men. To tell them both how they had made me feel and to tell them both that I have moved on. Text Guy apologised and I accepted it with grace, but there is nothing I want to rekindle. This has been creeping around for a long time … the need to speak my truth and do what’s good for me without thinking I am going to be a bitch and the gods are going to punish me.
It’s still lingering today, but I keep reminding myself that all of this is creeping up for a reason. The fears, the anxiety, the men who I will always love and the one that I am a little scared to get to know. It’s all here … I can’t say it’s not a bitch that it’s happening just 5 days away from my sisters’s wedding, but it’s here and I intend to do something awesome about it!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published October 5th, 2010It’s amazing that with my inability to type I have been forced to talk on the phone so much more. I didn’t realise how much I have lost touch with that personal communication and it’s been so special to throw myself back into ‘project me’ with my very own voice. Continue reading
Published August 2nd, 2010
Garfield is my favourite character and of all the moments I remember about his lazy ass character, I remember the day he tried to get away from Monday so he posted himself off to another country. What do you know, thanks to the time difference and his pathetic attempt at running away from his Monday issue, he had two Mondays in a row.
I seemed to have manifested one of those Garfield Mondays. I’m not even relating it to wishing the weekend was any longer because I was in total workaholic mode and did nothing social what-so-ever. Continue reading
Published July 26th, 2010
It’s common knowledge that along with all the fabulous assets I was blessed with, I was also given an additional daily allowance a few extra thousand words a day. I have to do something with them, so I blog.
That aside, I believe that I have the confidence and passion enough to share my life with the world in the hope that people realise there is either someone as afraid, brave or crazy as them. I’m also crazy enough to have attempted to live each day consciously and make sure that at the end of it I’ve found the fun in every situation and … oh, blah blah … I’ve said this for as long as I’ve been blogging. I started this project eyes wide open and knew the rules of the game and I want to highlight one particular rule now. Continue reading
Published June 8th, 2010Nothing is meaningless. No one actually does something for no reason at all. Not even the Facebook poke.
I remember my humble introductions to Facebook and feeling my way around making friends and joining a whole bunch of pointless applications and groups. I also remember receiving a message from a friend who told me to ‘poke them back’ … how rude! Continue reading
Published June 2nd, 2010Admittedly, I can’t blog for long today (being halfway through day 152) because I’ve managed to waste more than half of it forcing myself into positive spaces … but that’s for tomorrow’s blog.
Today, I just have to get through this so that I can finally do some work for the first time in a good few days. I miss my sparkling personality and spunk for writing and getting through the days with a positive attitude. That’s why I did the fun blog yesterday and found all of my favourite things. Oh boy, did I have fun! I felt the little ray of “everything’s going to be ok” come bursting through the window and … the phone rang! Continue reading
Published May 18th, 2010Even though I’ve got a dear friend who’s helped me prep for this afternoon’s tattoo and I’m more than a thousand percent sure that I want this beautiful piece of art that is symbolic and permanent … I can’t help but admit that yesterday was consumed with the distracting fears of the needle.
Text Guy thinks I’ll chicken out just before and Mr Big was surprisingly impressed that I was following through. Little did he know that something he said was the final confirmation that I was born to have this tattoo. Continue reading
Published May 16th, 2010I strategically planned that I blogged on Friday night in order to free up my bumble bee bizzzzy day on Saturday, but I didn’t think that Sunday would fly away from me too and the next thing it would be Sunday night.
I officially haven’t missed a day considering I did Friday on Friday, now Saturday on Sunday … and tomorrow morning I shall be back on track. Continue reading
Published May 11th, 2010Today is the first morning in nearly a month that I’ve woken up without annoying butterflies in my stomach and apprehension at the forefront of my mind. It’s even more annoying to wake up this way considering I really couldn’t say that I’m loving exactly where I am in my life.
I totally live in the now, cherish every moment, have fun (which has now developed into chatting to the butterflies that have set up their camp in my tummy) and wouldn’t change much at all. Continue reading
