Jodene is the co-founder of:
and founder of:
Published July 4th, 2011
Every morning I pull a Dragonfea Oracle card. Some cards I’ve seen countless times and others I would swear hadn’t been in the pack that I’ve owned for a good couple of years.
This morning, after a draining weekend with my body, I pulled one of those cards that I’ve never received a message from before. Her name is Grandmother Magicks and her message goes like this:
“Respect your cycles – understand more about your body and its needs and functions. treat every function of your body with love and respect. unearth and dissolve negative conditioning about bodily functions and know that Grandmother Magicks will re-teach you what there is to learn about your body, sex, sexuality and fertility so you can pass it on with love and wisdom. There will be no more shame about the physical body in your bloodline. She heralds a new beginning of empowerment. Growing older, you can still be beautiful, vital, desirable and powerful. Do not fall victim to the false lies of the cultural hypnosis that tell you that to be older is not desirable. to be an ancient – a Grandmother – is to be wise. And there is no better thing.”
Sometimes I have my skeptical moments when the cards are repeated or the message doesn’t seem to apply, but then there are moments like this one. Moment’s when I can’t deny the accuracy of the message, that I hold my breath and am so grateful for messages that remind me it’s all going to be alright.
The combination of the weekend’s energy had me so exhausted this morning that I was forced to do something I never do. NOTHING!
I have spent my life dragging myself to events, functions, meetings or even just to sit at the laptop for fear of what would happen if I did nothing all day. Taking a step back … I was forced to do nothing all weekend too.
I even went so far as cancelling 2 friend’s occasions on the weekend and 2 meetings today. I know we say we always have choice, but literally, my body chose for me. It’s exhausting to be sore all the time and when makes you feel gross too, well that’s a double whammy.
What a way to begin a relationship! I’ve been horrified that Mr Unexpected has had to put with it all, yet he’s been amazing. That’s something else I’m not so great at … being taken care of. It was so bad that I couldn’t even make the bed or a cup of tea … and there he was, cooking, cleaning, holding me while I cried.
The card speaks of everything I have been going through right now and all the things I usually would have wanted to run a mile from, but now that I want to embrace it I feel as though I can’t. I can’t exercise, I can’t be intimate … I can’t do the things I have been aiming for, yet for the first time, I’ve done nothing about it.
I haven’t pushed the process. I haven’t forced myself better. I haven’t forced myself on despite pain and discomfort. I haven’t forced myself to cook, heaven forbid someone take care of me. Nothing …
Something I have had no idea how to do before. Nothing but let someone take care of me. Nothing but rest and wait to heal. Nothing but cry when I have needed to … nothing but accept the place my body is in!
Who would have thought that nothing could be so magickal?
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published June 12th, 2011It’s Sunday morning and the antics of blogging are hysterical. My 3G connection from Vodacom (so naming and shaming) has been non functional in the flat, but when I’m at any else’s WiFi I’m styling. I don’t know how much of the ‘riddled with guilt’ part of my personality I actually share with you, but the mere having to ask Greggie to sit in a coffee shop for a touch longer to blog or use his cellphone to connect to his laptop and post the blog almost tosses my world upside down. The blog is a daily part of who I am and it never interferes with much … until now. It seems to have become the crux of the decision because it’s not simple to just type, post and carry on between moments of the day.
So here I am, rushing to blog on my laptop while Greggie gets ready for out outing to the wine farms. Once I’m finished typing and he’s dressed and ready to go … we will have to put the post onto a memory stick, transfer it to his laptop, connect on his mobile … okay, it might not be a train smash for anyone around me, but my perception takes me to places of great annoyance. It’s amazing because if someone needed my help like that I wouldn’t be irritated at all.
I’m finding that with perception and am now starting to see the theme for the holiday. Firstly, everyone seems to think that Greggie and I are married. I know I talk about him every single day on my blog, but he is my best friend and business partner after all. I’m sure if I counted the number of times I have pointed out the best friend and business partner part of the friends people would then say I obsessively do that. There doesn’t seem to be a winning situation here, where isn’t fun for a single girl who doesn’t like hearing that the world thinks I’m very attached. Maybe that’s why I’m still single?
The world does know Greggie is gay, right? Hmmm … the number of times I’ve asked him to camp it up so that it’s blazingly obvious about his gayness!!
Jokes aside, the perception sometimes does kill me because being single isn’t the most super fun a girl can have. I would love to be in a relationship and I’m not going to go into the positivity movement of being expected to say that all is perfect in my single world. That crap about keeping it so positive that a negative thought never enters your mind doesn’t really fly with me when I’m walking along the beachfront with my gay best friend but my heart is wishing I was holding the hand of some man I love in a very different way.
I’m not falling for the one thing that everyone always throws at us either … we act like a married couple! Now we don’t … we act like best friends and that’s how a married couple should be!! Most people envy our relationship meanwhile it’s just loving, honest and real … we all deserve that. Friendship is marriage without the sex anyway …
On that note!!
The next crisis of perception is a lot about sex and the quandary I now find myself in about an exciting business opportunity and the fears I find myself dabbling with. I got into the adult industry as a speaker to help those who thought that there was no other way but the shame or fear based sexual issues they carry. For me, the ultimate reward would be to get everyone to understand that sex relates to your perception of yourself and what you do with your body is what you think of your entire being. So, when I was asked to do a column for a South African online dating site … that truly is a way of finding sex … I decided to be a little less co dependant on the opinion of my business partner and look at the site, what I am trying to achieve and if I could add value. I did … and I said ‘yes’!!!
But then all hell broke loose in my head when it was drinks time with our new friend, Bets. As we started to discuss the new and exciting venture, I showed them the site. All of a sudden Greggie stumbles upon the pages that show everyone’s …. um … genitals as their profile pics. It is a sex site after all and Bets had a valid question … if it is in line with my philosophy and what I am trying to achieve then it is all fine. OMG … I couldn’t figure that out in my head, ended up with an upset stomach and dreamed that I was the only person who didn’t get to meet my fave SA band because I had been banished from Twitter.
The bottom line is that I am trying to help those very people who feel they need a site like that to find a relationship or sex. Hell … my two last … um, men … were both found off dating sites and we ended up having a whole lot more than just a shag because of the integrity with which I go into relating … the very things I want to share with people. So I had to do a whole lot of chatting to my poor fears, but only when my best friend and gay business partner reminded me that I need to be emerged in that world in order to help it, did my mind settle!
Perception suck … it’s the bottom line! So we’ve got to make sure we are settled with our own choices for our own reasons and put those little horsie eye blinkers of and keep galloping through life. Well … that’s what I’m going to do, anyway!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published April 11th, 2011
Most of my fret about boxes has been my concern that dragons and fairies couldn’t breathe with the amount of bubble wrap they were smothered in. The other concern is that I couldn’t breathe until I knew the made a safe trip to the other side (no, not other world, just to the new house) and that they were safely removed from the bubble wrap. That’s not as simple as it sounds seeing as though the bubble wrap was taped about 5 times around and needed to be surgically removed.
I chose to ignore the fact that I saw the movers drop a box as they were piling them 5 high and convinced myself that it wasn’t one with my precious dragons, fairies or priceless alter goblets and trinkets. So yesterday had an edge of stress.
It’s funny how that the time when my brother kicked into the most compassionate of modes.
Before we even got to dragons, he was making cunning plans and cutting boxes into pieces to be able to stagger my books so that I could put more out. You are looking at about 30% of the books. What to do with the rest will slowly be tackled during the week, but my most treasured ones are out. I think one day I have to post some of my most prized ones … like an original AA Milne story of Pooh Corner, the entire set of Jane Austin, In cold blood, at least 5 Charles Dickens and now I’m starting to collect Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys. I have two original Harry Potters and now I think I need to scout around for the set as that will be valuable one day. I always joke with my family that someone is going to curse me when I’m gone … it’s a hell of a lot of books to pack up! At this moment I am already trying to encourage the book passion with my nephews so that someone will keep them and not give them to an old second hand store in years to come. Well, I’m hoping that when it’s time to leave this happy earth, my 1900 Jane Eyre will be worth something more than being tossed back into an old book store.
Anyway … I always get a little carried away by these books and the point is that it took an entire day and the gentle patience (yes, it’s that rare) of my brother to discover that everything arrived at their new home safe and sound.
I’m a little surprised everything stayed in one piece with a set of twins, aged 5 and a bit, dashing around the house like cowboys. How to teach them that aunty Jo’s room is off limits is going to be an interesting one. I also made a decision not to hide my ‘other’ books in a cupboard and that it’s time for everyone around me to adjust to what I do. Engineers have engineering books around and psychologists have their textbooks too, so why must I pack my tantra and sex books away? So they are neatly on the bottom shelf next to the wiccan encyclopedia of all things … I found that nice and appropriate.
My room is an interesting world to step into now that I think about it. Dragons, fairies, wands, crystals, old books and then a burst of girlie perfumes, pretty necklaces, sparkling rings and bracelets. Other people get hand creams and cup of soup as sample sachets … well you can just imagine what I get in my industry. So there are boxes of lubes and condoms that have all been neatly sorted (expiry date checked and the ego put to rest that I am not as on the shelf as I thought right now). The giggle is that they are in an old wooden box that I’m sure was intended for something more … um … less surprising if opened. Don’t panic, children won’t be walking down the passage going “aunty Jo, what’s this?’ with a ‘zzzzzzzz’ sound trailing with them. Those are all stashed away in not to be found places, but if I had to hide everything I would be living in a secret chamber and only come out for meals.
It’s refreshing to look back at who I was when I moved back to my mom’s house nearly two ago and how I hid everything away. How proud I have become of my beliefs, belongings, career path and choices. It’s amazing to breath and see the great gifts of ‘project me’ that have paved the way to me being … me!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published March 23rd, 2011
If I could pick an easier route at times, I think I would jump at the opportunity. That moment always ends up being fleeting when I realise how much I would have missed out on had I changed one moment of my life.
It’s been 15 months of blogging but it’s been 7 years since I started my personal ‘project me’ … but before that it was Jodene living very unconsciously. I remember sitting with my ‘spiritual’ teacher and telling her that I wished I had unlearned all that she had taught me. My family home and business had just burned down, family issues had be ripped open like a can of worms and I looked at myself in the mirror for the first time in years only to see the damage I had done to myself. Over the last few days I have felt like that again … wishing I could shove the lid back on the journey I have consciously chosen to live.
While I was flying down to Cape Town last week, I sat next to a gentleman who had done the same metaphysics course as I did many years ago. It clearly didn’t serve him very well because he was proving how the ‘law of attraction’ doesn’t work. He said that if it did I should be a very rich lady by now and clearly I wasn’t. Similarly, yesterday I was asked why I only had 16 people at my talk in Cape Town if I believed so much in the power of social networking.
At time when my life is literally in turmoil and my family is going through the hardest thing next to my father’s passing, I have been faced with some interesting additional challenges. Surely by now life should be running smoothly? Isn’t that the impression of manifestation? That because I teach about manifestation I should be manifesting left, right and center? If I teach about sex then I should be sexually fulfilled every spare moment I have (and still finding time to sneak out for a shag between meetings)? If I teach about self worth and self esteem that I should have lost all the weight and been married with a perfect little life by now?
Is that who the world chooses to listen to? Those who make it all sound so easy and show you the pretty picture at the end of the long and winding yellow brick road that they have traveled?
Has anyone wondered why Charlie Sheen is getting the attention he is currently getting? Has anyone stopped to watch what the world is craving? Maybe it’s just me, but there are more people out there who are struggling to manifest those realities than those who have done an affirmation and ‘whoop there it is’! People are lapping up the madness and the chaos. So many of us live in chaos that if we can have confirmation that someone else is so much more far removed from reality, that we will be ok! I remember wanting a friend of mine to do one of my courses and he told me that only those who write the books on self help get rich and they only got rich because they wrote the book. I’m not agreeing with him, but I am agreeing that we all stare outwards to find the answers.
In my chaos, do you not think that I have tried to turn to every outside source I possibly could? I wish I could show you a glimmer of the frustration of waking up in the morning with the promise to have a healthy eating day and then ending it in chaos because I have no idea what healthy means to me. Should I shut down this blog and retract myself from the role of teacher because I am still amidst the chaos?
My answer is no! My realisation is that anyone who is striving to live life without the chaos has this journey very wrong. Of course there are issues that I want so badly to put to rest, but I don’t know how much I have to learn about myself before I get there. I don’t know my greatness but I know I’m great and if I need to hit rock bottom (with the whole world watching) then that is what I have chosen to do.
This space isn’t rosy right now! I have cried so much in the last few days that I can’t even put my contact lenses in my eyes. I have to sell stuff to buy a bed for my new home that I am still sharing with my mother.
Have I failed at manifestation??? Hell no!!!!
There is not one moment of this journey that I would have given up on. There is no part of me that doubts my ability and my success. I have never felt as though I have stepped off the magical journey of my yellow brick road and there has NEVER been a part of me that has wanted to quit … alright, Saturday was a bit of a quitting day, but bowl of popcorn, a cup of tea and a precious mother pulled me through.
The more I experience of ‘project me’ and the more I wonder to myself what great lessons I need to share with the world, the more I realise that I just have to keep telling the truth. I don’t have to plan seminars or wait for my first book to be published or have a Ferrari in my driveway to be the voice of manifestation.
There is no quick fix! There is no single right way! There is no formula but the one you create for yourself! There is no escaping the magical chaos of life and there is no punishment in that chaos either.
I might lose a sponsor today because I haven’t managed to keep up the positivity movement. I have fallen off the wagon, but I am still on the yellow brick road. I do enough beating up of myself and choose not to face the wrath of anyone else’s judgement, but I also understand that if the world is driven by positive results and constant success without the allowance of the odd stumble off the wagon, that I might not be able to sustain the ride. Sadly, I believe in the very thing that might be taken away from me (or I might give up) but I also realise that I don’t have the ability to do things the way they are being asked of me right now and that’s not fair of me. Right now, if I don’t allow myself to be kind to myself and if I put on rose coloured glasses, I will do more damage than good. Half of the self help books in the world might disagree with me right now … but only I know me.
I know this has been a long post, but I have so needed to hear myself say this and I thank you for listening and sharing my journey with me.
Today I am packing up my dad’s office! Of all the spaces in the house, this one is the most heart wrenching. I don’t know what it’s going to do today but chances are that I will choose to end it with an overly indulgent meal that I will cook for some very special people in my life and I will shed another few tears along the way.
In all these thousands of words, this is what I’m trying to say about living a ‘project me’ life: No matter what, I get up every single day and I tell myself the truth. I honour my emotions, I speak my fears and I watch myself do a little damage with food or hold out for the wrong guy to call me. Every single day I still do one little thing that scares me and sometimes those little things are as small as saying ‘no’ to an arrangement that I choose not to attend. No excuses and no lies! Every single day I am grateful for all that I have and all that I have the ability to have … but most of all … every single day, I take responsibility for exactly where I am and what I do or don’t have!
For that, I am most proud and I thank each and every one of you for sticking with me when I walk tall and when I fall down. It is an honour to have your yellow brick road right beside mine!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published March 19th, 2011If all goes according to plan, I’ve realised that there might be days where it’s grabbing moments here and there to do this daily blog. It’s impossible for my day to be complete without it and it’s beyond the obvious that my days are always lived as ‘project me’.
Today happens to be one of those days. I’m being fetched by the cool chicks from diligo online shopping in about 15 minutes and there’s still hair and make up to do. We are dashing off to an event that my dearest friend and awesome sponsor, Hustler Girl is involved. Yes … it’s about sex and I’m going to see if there are any networking opportunities for Lifeology and Organic Orgasm. The is a slight hesitation about the event, but part of ‘project me’ is facing everything with an open mind and not judging anything until I know all the facts. So I’m keeping it real and hoping this event and myself are on the same page. Which page might that be? The page that speaks of shameless and fun sex (with all the understandings of self esteem and self worth, of course). That has given me an idea … It’s time to do a blog that spells out all my philosophies that I live by and teach in Organic Orgasm. But let me not get distracted by that now … the girls are on their way 
In the meantime … here’s my feel good song and in line with my day’s events!!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published March 16th, 2011
I’m half dressing, half blogging and finishing off the last bit of packing. It’s a checklist free moment, which I thought I would never achieve in my life. It takes a lot of trust for a control freak to pack with the realisation that I’m not going to the middle of nowhere and if I’ve forgotten anything I can buy it. Greggie taught me that lesson when we went to Italy together. It was laced with sarcasm, but the point stuck with me.
The last time I climbed on a plane all by myself was in 1989! Yes … I kid you not! I’m not the greatest loner-traveler!
On the other hand, I am a big dreamer and a very determined individual so climbing on a plane to fly to Cape Town for my first out of town talk … well that I can totally overcome. Last night at our regular Tuesday night get-together, I was telling my mom and Greggie that it’s amazing how you overcome things at the perfect time. I seriously thought I would be in a much bigger state over leaving Greggie at the check-in line and having to do the rest all by myself, including trusting that the people who respect me and have invited me to Cape Town will remember to fetch me.
Wow … my first out of town talk!!!
It’s on days like this that I am thrilled I started telling my ‘project me’ story when moments like this were just as picture stuck on a vision board.
Amazingly, when I created the vision board I wasn’t even business partners with Greggie. There was no concept of an incredible business called Lifeology. There certainly was no intention under the sun of teaching people about sex. I don’t think I was confident enough to have an orgasm let alone mention the word and now I’m traveling to do a talk under my brand ‘organic orgasm’.
I love that about vision boards! It’s one of the things I most wanted to teach before I found my passion for organic orgasm and project me. I wanted to teach people the hidden secrets as to why people don’t manage to manifest what they plaster all over their vision boards. I wanted to teach people that when you look back at your board, it won’t look anything like the dreams you initially had in mind back then … it will be better.
Greg and I often contemplate how we are going to get messages across to the world and the one that always baffles us most is trying to explain to people the steps that either of us took to get from merely dreaming to truly living. How did I get from the shy, insecure girl who couldn’t say ‘sex’ to the woman who now helps other people explore the wonders of their bodies, their partner’s bodies and the endless joys of sex?
Oh, you want an answer to that? Hmmmm … I went with the flow. I didn’t resist the moments that life threw at me. I listened to my teachers and then threw out the things I didn’t like. I added in the things I did and then realised that I didn’t like some of those things and so I threw out ideas and beliefs all over again.
I risked!! I risked like hell, I might tell you! I risked being destitute at one point and I risked the disapproval of my family at another, but at those moments, that’s when I realised what I wanted most of all.
And then one day you wake up and you are doing things that might scare the living daylights out of you, but you wouldn’t be anywhere else in the world. So, my bags are nearly packed and my incredibly supportive business partner is nearly on his way to fetch me for the airport. On the other side, the team from Sensual Boutique are awaiting my arrival after an invitation to be a guest speaker at their sexy store in Table View.
I could be stressed that the crowd is small and at one point I contemplated canceling because numbers were low but then I remembered going to a talk by one of my great inspirations, Mike Dooley. He spoke of doing his talk and there were only two people in the audience … his mother and his brother. Now he travels around the world and he fills halls.
That too, is on my vision board … watch this space!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published March 6th, 2011
Everyone is laughing at me because I take far too many pictures of Saphirah. I’m officially censoring the quantity of pricelessly cute moments I capture with my adorable little kitty. There’s also the devilish side that keeps waking me in the crazy hours of the morning with either a claw in my head, my butt or my baby toe. I could lock her away but that would break both our little hearts. She had her little girlie op so that she doesn’t tart around town and he little claws trimmed so that she doesn’t turn my leather office chair into a pin cushion … but never fear, you would never say she had an op. I mean really, doe she look like she’s just had an op???
It seems that of late I have been leaving out a few too many things in the blog and today I woke up with a devil may care attitude. I think it’s something in the tea, but there’s something brewing in me that knows what I want and very clearly what I don’t want and the changes are going to be slow. Therefore they certainly can’t be excluded from this blog.
I like someone. I have no idea where I stand with him but the communication is great and very constant. We’ve met so I can’t hide behind the space of waiting to see what he’ll think of me and drag up all of my body esteem issues. I still have a few of those by the way.
I am looking better and feeling better but sadly that won’t be caught on camera as I had so hoped. This has been a very censored story over the last few days but the verdict is out and I won’t be taking up the photography sponsorship or using the pics from the photo shoot. The long and short of it is that I need only those on-board who respect and understand the importance of real time blogging and the momentum is gone anyway.
I have also censored that there are a few friendships hanging by all different threads and I’m not one to keep my mouth shut, so when the time is right I need to find out what’s going on with people around me. People deleting themselves from special groups we started as friends. People not responding to special invitations I am sending out. People not saying hello on the array of social chats.
While venting about people, I’ve decided to create an ebook. I didn’t think I would ever do it but it’s time. It’s time to do a manual for people to be reminded of the courtesy of communication. It goes without saying that those basics should flow over into the social networking realms and I intend to explain why and do a little social etiquette 101.
In the next few weeks I’m going to be preparing for the move to our exciting new house. Two things have been censored and now I’m saying it.
1. I’m throwing all this shit out and moving with next to nothing. Yes, that means that a lot of things that my dad loved and held onto are now going. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy and I’ve been avoiding trying to sound ruthless, but it’s fresh start time.
2. I’m so glad that it’s just mom and me moving in together. This is the tougher one because my little sis and myself have grown so close with the build up to her wedding. My brother, on the other hand … I don’t have to say that I love everyone. If you’ve been following the blog then you know that I have a very strong family connection despite all the sibling rivalry. But the truth is the truth and there it is … I can’t wait for it to be just mom, me, country music without interruption, never running out of milk and not finding empty tins of coco powder. Oh … it’s mom, me, kitty and the very loud parrot
Yesterday I spoke to a friend of mine who I have grown up with. We know each other well but we also have times when we don’t see each other for a very long while. In one of these long breaks I went from being a very sexually insecure girl and blossomed into a very sexually confident woman. When she saw me last I was very overweight and doing alternative therapy healing. When she returned I was writing and teaching about sex. Yes .. SEX!! She’s horrified!
She keeps asking me if I’m not embarrassed to tell people what I do and say what I say in public. I keep reminding her that it’s those very statements of hers that remind me just how important my work is out there. I’m proud to lift the censorship and shame of the sex industry. I’m also proud that I think sex toys, sex shops, sex shows and sexual fun is very needed in this day and age. Yes … I talk about sex … freely!! Oh and yes … my Lifeology product is called Organic Orgasm and yes … my business partner is very proud of me.
Oh … and the ‘project me’ part of all of this is that nothing I say here won’t or can’t be said to all involved. After all, what is ‘project me’ without telling my truth?
The greatest truth of all is that it’s a bitch having to tell it!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published January 7th, 2011
Oooh, I can feel the workaholic kicking in. You would think that after a year of ‘project me’ and workaholic syndrome being the focal point for most of the year, that I would be able to tick it off the ‘unhealed’ list. Damn, it’s a bitch that traits, addictions or issues don’t just get erased from life after a good dose of attention. Sigh …
It’s an hour after the end of the working day and my stats are low, my blurb for the ‘project me’ media pack still isn’t done, my letter to my awesome sponsors has been sitting at the bottom of the screen for two days now, The Project Me Community is still flying stealth Continue reading
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published December 30th, 2010
I can’t believe that this all began a year ago. More than that, I can’t believe how much I have changed and grown in one year and I can’t believe that it has all been documented and my story is out there. Only once have I ever gone back and ready any of the past entries and for some reason I don’t think I will do that for a good few years. Don’t ask me why, it’s just a feeling.
Considering that I live my life goallessly but filled with purpose, I’m not one of those girls who makes new year’s resolutions. I do, however, do a little maths and get a better understanding of the year ahead. I don’t know if I’ve ever shared with you that I’m a numerologist? Continue reading
Published November 1st, 2010
Hustler Girl in her fitting attire as she celebrated her birthday with me.
I don’t miss a day of blogging often, but after all the excitement yesterday I went to sleep bloggless. It usually takes me ages to catch up the day but despite all the aches and pains in my butt, I’m blogging twice today … and for such a great reason.
It’s Hustler Girl’s birthday and I’m taking this special opportunity to dedicate this post to my very special friend and sponsor of ‘project me’. Continue reading
