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Published June 16th, 2011
It really is a choice and I woke up having to make one!
I’ll go into all the finer details of today’s ‘project body’ weigh-in on Sunday, but today is about my attitude more than my activities. I don’t have a tattoo on my back for nothing. It’s not symbol of the goddess holding the moon for nothing either. Everyone always asks me which goddess and I usually stutter in avoidance of having to explain myself, but the explanation is beautiful.
I have been meditating for years (in spurts) and still have to live what I teach when it comes to that point. It was pointed out to me by Greggie during our Tuesday night pow wow. I’m the teacher who reiterates how important it is to push through on what you know is good for you when times are tough, yet I totally suck at it. The first thing I always give up when the wheels start to fall off is my meditations, tantra and goddess work. I’ve made every excuse in the book and mostly blame not living on my own even though I consciously chose to move with my mom … so that excuse is just another excuse.
I’m sure it’s no news to you when I say that we all avoid what will give us the most confidence or power because then it makes up have to stand up and do something. I find that confidence and power in the combination of my meditaiton, tantra, dragon rituals and goddess work.
Last night’s full, eclipsing moon gave me the biggest slap on the back of the head and I must have come across as totally disconnected during dinner with friends last night. I couldn’t believe it! I couldn’t believe that a few years ago I would have had a totally different experience and last night I half acknowledged the moon. I was aware that there would be an eclipse and before I would have had a whole evening planned. The dinner wouldn’t have even interfered. It would have involved a special moonlight bath with my moonlight soap, candles, incense and meditation. I thought about it but just let it pass like all the other full, new and quarterly moons.
Only when the edge of the moon started to turn a blackish red did every part of my being yearn for something that is so a part of my life. We say that we can’t believe someone wouldn’t give up an addiction for someone they love … well I could totally relate last night. Not being able to face doing something that has been the foundation of my beliefs and the way I live my life, was a massive wake up call last night.
Miraculously, I woke up with a very ready attitude. I can’t even explain it but it just felt like the familiar me. As if no time passed at all, I did my meditation, burned the incense, said my thanks to the goddess and received a message from a dragon. I did thinks I haven’t done since I moved back home with my mom and I have no idea why I just couldn’t bring myself to do them. Another thing that Greggie is trying to show me is to let something go and not be so hard on myself …. So I’m not going to even try and work out why it took so long. All I know is that it’s back … that part of me that I know makes me feel most powerful is back!
Talking about backs … I would like to introduce you to the goddess that holds the moon on my back. Years ago I went through a rough time that literally made me not care about myself at all. I finally took a few steps to heal and found a teacher (well she found me) who taught me so much of what I know. One of my greatest journeys with her was through meditation where I went on a journey to meet my Higher Self. For the longest time all I ever saw was a faceless woman all covered in black who was hunched over and old … not a very pretty sight for a Higher Self. For almost a year I couldn’t see anything more than this faceless old hag. Then something changed … within me! I started the journey of tantra (self tantra to be exact) and started exploring goddess work. Slowly the meditations became more intense and the woman started to change. To cut a very beautiful and long story short … eventually the most magical of energies emerged (yes, this can all take place in meditation if you choose to make it alive and real) and one day she told me her name … Leonette!! She has never left my side … even in the times when I ignore her most of all!
Hence … this day and this post is step one of getting over myself!
PS … tomorrow is day one of water aerobics and I’m pooping myself but doing it anyway! I can’t wait to introduce you to Patrick on Sunday. I also can’t say I’m thrilled to post the weight, body fat percentage and whatever else Patricks measure and calculates … but that’s yet another step of seriously having to get over myself!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published January 17th, 2011
I’m not sure how alone I am in the world with the wanderings (it took me years to learn the difference between wandering and wondering, but the way) of my mind. Maybe if I weren’t daydreaming so much in school I might have learned the grammatical difference long ago, but I would much rather have it this way.
When I was younger I did it to escape from reality and went as far as having two separate lives. My sister and I used to ‘play a game’ called Mary and Jane. If she’s reading this we will still be arguing about who was Mary and who was Jane, but none the less it was as vivid as the tale of being all grown up, busy executives. Even then I knew exactly what I wanted to be. When I wasn’t playing with my sister I had all my teddy bears lined up in a row and I was education them because teaching has been my favourite play/past time/career since before I could even spell properly. Okay, so nothing changes and thank goodness for spell check and editors.
As I grew older my imagination grew with me, but it never went away and escaping to my other world has been a little more powerful that I might have ever imagined. That’s my meditation! Unplanned, without sitting in a special place, lighting candles or shutting out noise … I just go there!
Where?
Well that’s the amazing part. You see yesterday was filled with a house packed with nephews, siblings, noise and mess. Everything I love but something I need to escape from without having the ability to leave and so my imagination saves me. It always has!
It’s one thing to escape into the imagination (and we all now how powerful that is … I hope!) but it’s another to wish you had Dorothy’s ruby red slippers and you could click your heals three times and go anywhere for a day. It’s the same thing, isn’t it? lol … well anyway, I started that yesterday and woke up this morning with a determination to find me my own red slippers and get to where I wanna go.
I could almost here the chimes of the church bells as I woke up in Rome. I’ve been there in reality, but certainly not for long enough. There is a little market I have to revisit and another half dozen flavours of ice cream I have to savour. I didn’t drink nearly enough water from the historic water pipes that flow freely for all to drink. My little red shoes would add the man of my dreams and a cloudless night where we would savour the sunset at the Trevi fountains.
My heart pounds with excitement as the romantic night flows into morning and there is one last shopping spree (for something Dolce and Gabbana no less) before we hold hands and rush to train that is heading for Venice. I’ve been there too but with not enough time and certainly too little money and time I can wait at the water taxi for my precious friend Pandora (and I’m throwing in a dream that she has the love of her life too) so that we can explore the majesty of Venice and shop without a care in the world.
Those shoes click me off to a few places I have dreamed of visiting too … Like every corner of Ireland, just because it’s the sexiest accent in the world and this girl loves Irish spunk. There’s Chicago and New York City, there’s a tropical beach or two but more importantly, there’s a villa in Spain (or was that France?)
I have book signings here and a radio interview there. An auditorium filled with eager attendees who want a moment with Jodene of “project me”. I am nervous every time I hear the muttering of hundreds of people waiting for the talk to begin, but then again I was just as nervous to teach 10 teddy bears or stand in front of real students or write my initial entries to the ‘project me’ blog. Sometimes I’m still nervous.
In Dorothy’s shoes I have learned to do more than just imagine … I have learned be and know that the timing might not be now, but it’s on the path. The dreams of today place every brick that paves the yellow brick road to all that I know I want and desire.
And it flows … I woke up hearing the church bells of Rome and I will go to sleep hearing the waves as they crash outside my beach house somewhere off the coast of paradise. My imagination is my meditation and my meditation is the centering, peace and awakening I need to wake up, be brave and create! Now as soon as I can I’m ditching Dorothy’s shoes and getting me some Jimmy Choo’s because this girl ain’t never gonna stop clicking my heals.
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published October 24th, 2010It’s been interesting for me to watch the relationship I have developed with myself and my surroundings while my body has been going through the healing process. The strangest of all relationships has definitely been with the good old fashioned seat.
Sitting is no joke when an ouch back in involved and after Friday night’s push through a super evening on horrible couches, I was even more afraid for today’s outing. Greggie’s family celebrate birthdays next week and the festivities took place at La Rustic in Houghton. Continue reading
Published October 19th, 2010Today was the second session of body stress release therapy and I woke up with three burning concerns. Insomnia, midnight starvation and where is the leaking spinal fluid now?
In my world those were my only concerns when I woke up. My most natural anticipation was making it through a day without a pain pill or being able to sit for a period of time without eventually having to deal with an increasingly painful nerve being pinched in my spine and traveling all the way down to my toes. Continue reading
Published October 13th, 2010Today I really didn’t think I was going to manage this blog but I keep reminding myself that if I can’t give myself this gift then I’m giving up. I don’t give up and I find it hard to believe that with the fighting spirit of so many around me, that many of us do give up. Maybe I’m just blessed by who I am surrounded by but today I had a good day in the strangest way.
I got news last night that a school friend finally gave up her fight with cancer. It’s incredible that it falls at a time when Lifeology is doing our first Cup for Cancer appearance and I feel as though I am giving something back. Mel was valiant in her fight Continue reading
Published August 25th, 2010Years ago I was basically a train-wreck of a person. After hitting rock bottom I found myself on this unexpected and beautiful journey of self remembrance. I don’t believe there is anything to discover, but everything to simply remember about how magnificent we are. Anyway … on my road to remembering I started studying metaphysics and found myself captivated by a meditation called Merkabah. Amazingly, it had less to do with meditation and everything to do with the music that my teacher used to guide us through the process. Continue reading
Published August 12th, 2010I dreamed about my dad last night. It wasn’t great … he needed something and I was telling my mom that it was pointless helping him because he was going to die anyway. I woke up still smiling that I had spent some time with him, eventhough I don’t remember talking to him. I don’t dream about him often so I savour every moment.
I sit at his office desk and do my writing. I wear his big fluffy gown when it’s cold and I savour every moment of my memories with him. I handled his death so well and has a beautiful experience and understanding. But that was my experience and not one that I could ever really explain no matter how I tried. Continue reading
Published July 12th, 2010Your eyes do not deceive you. I am blogging twice in one night and all in desperate need to keep to my self inflicted promise of blogging daily. I know that I could change that at any time, but the crazy things is that not one part of me wants to. I love blogging daily for so many reason … but something happened on day 191.
I meditate in the mornings and my mediations are as unique and strange as I am. If I had to compare myself to others who meditate I might conclude that someone in the equation is a little crazy. I don’t watch my mind and I don’t try to still it either. I don’t listen to guided visualisation or sit in a meditation position. Continue reading
dragon, ego, fun, goalless, Goddess, Greggie, gym, life, manifest, meditation, pain, Project Me, purposeful, sex, soul, teaching | 
3 CommentsPublished April 7th, 2010I think last night was one of my best sleep nights in I don’t know how long. I’m not saying that it might be because I actually went to bed at about 10:30 and not after midnight … way after midnight. I’m still say that I’m not say that it was that, because if it was then I have to admit that there’s a bit of a pitfall in ‘project me’. Continue reading
Published March 9th, 2010Firstly … let’s hear it for my Knight who made some awesome changes to the the blog … lighter and brighter!
My day started so well. It actually began so incredibly refreshingly that when I reflect back on the simple exercise of reawakening the editing of my novel last night, I can’t believe how simple it can be.
Sometime between laughing at how poor my spelling and grammar is (considering I’m a writer) and marveling at how the novel unfolded, I fell asleep feeling Continue reading
