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Perfect for the heart that is meant to love you – project me post 941

Posted by jodene March 27, 2013 No Comments »

I feel like I haven’t really gotten into the “what’s happening in my life” stuff for a while but there’s always a reason for that. I have these waves of guilt that I’m not committed enough to my blog and then I have moments of relief that I’m not blogging daily anymore. So much of that has to do with all the stuff that’s going on and the pace at which I’m trying to process everything.

One thing I truly believe is that timing is always perfect and not blogging for a while has allowed the perfection of sharing my story and a gift I received from a friend …

Of course, the gifts always come at the end, so the here’s the story first.
For once, this isn’t too laced with work because things are really going well. I have a combination of social media publicity and strategy work coming in and I’m really growing into my unique space in the world. I’ve gone so far as to hire my own publicist and help me get the world to better understand what I do and how unique my services are. Well, I didn’t realise that all on my own. It’s been the message from amazing people that have helped me truly get to grips of the direction my career is heading.

That’s the big news actually. It’s all about the messages that I’ve been getting lately and what I do with them.

On a personal note, there’s so much going on and I’m trying to move forward from realising that I truly was in the wrong relationship and blinded by seeing the potential of someone. I didn’t realise how much it had knocked my esteem until it was time to put myself back out there but in hindsight I think that recontacting nearly all of the men from my past has some blazing realities to it. Yep, that’s how I decided to handle it … to go back. So I dredged up the Jock and whatever I called the 24 year old … who has half blossomed into a 27 year old.

With all this going on I was fighting to be reminded of my beauty and my sexuality. I was hoping a rekindled flame would help mend some of my esteem and so I went on a wild goose chase for other people’s approval.

With all of this going on, I cut my hair and hated it after less than a week.

Ironically, while being let down and dealing with the same old patterns from the same old men, I was getting compliments about what I looked like from every second person. More than anything, people were seeing beyond the hair cut (and I was the last person to realise how much it suits me) and seeing a real energy shift in me.

Doing a little Madonna (Who’s that girl) for a dress up party!!

Okay so cutting to the chase of the story. Here I had two guys knocking down my esteem and dozens of friends and Tweeps telling me how fab I was looking. Yet I went on a miserable feeling sorry for me fest because in the end, both men let me down. I allowed both to make me doubt my beauty and my ability to attract the right kind of person … so a few kilos added to my hard work, a lot of doubt and a wave of panic that I’d never hold down a relationships again … and a friend sent me this …

If you can’t watch it, please let me know because it’s a must see. Or go to YouTube and find Trent Shelton, you’re perfect!!!

I’ve watched this video about 5 times in just one day and I’ve stopped to literally breathe in to compliments that so many special people are sharing with me. I’ve let go of both men (okay the let go of me, but I’ve felt the relief that they are gone) and I’ve started to feel that I truly have blossomed into a stronger, confident, dynamic … prettier woman!!!

I’ve been asked to do a Project Me talk in a few weeks time and I’ve been mulling over what to cover in the topic of making yourself your own project me story. Of all things, I most want to share that sometimes we don’t have the esteem to decide if our hair looks good or our choice in men suits us. There’s a difference between doubting our own choices and relying on other’s opinions to carry us through and just allowing ourselves to listen to the messages being sent to us by genuinely honest people.
It’s in every compliment I never expected or asked for that both my career and my self are blossoming!!! I’m starting to feel perfect again. No, I’m starting to feel perfect for the first time!!

With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour

It feels like a Sunday – project me day 810

Posted by jodene March 21, 2012 2 Comments »

I’m still blogging. There’s something in not giving up on a relationship while trying to figure out what the next move is with it. So today I got to wake up super late, which is great seeing as though I’m pumped up on meds to get rid of this nasty spider bite … that only seems to be getting more painful.

I reached for phone (which acts as my clock/watch) and gasped because I thought I had forgotten to organise a guest for Angela’s Sunday morning radio slot of ‘project me’ and the realised … it’s not Sunday. Public holidays are those little gifts for the working peeps, but when you own your own business and there’s burning stuff to be done … like a Tweetup in 6 days time and not nearly enough people, a pubic holiday can be somewhat annoying.

Crisis averted and a few more days to plan the Sunday morning show, but I sent an immediate message to my dear friend, Jarred Orlin AKA the gossip guy and asked him to be my project me guest. Yay, he’s doing it so that’s another week sorted.

So tomorrow I have an interview with the Venus Networks for their product, Estee Lauder and they are coming to chat to me about my perfume collection, which I blogged about not so long ago. That got a bee in my bonnet because Pat and I have had plans to fix up the room after my sis gave us a gorgeous headboard for our engagement, but we haven’t gotten around to it. What better day than a Sun … um … public holiday.

The day kinda went like that. Every once in a while I would want to do something Sunday, like get ready to record the Mnet movie or plan dinner for Monday because I teach at nights. Then it was Wednesday all over again and back to settling into a public holiday, that might be needed but has me frustrated seeing as though I feel like there’s so much to do and so little time.

The Sunday (well, you know what I mean by now) blues have made me realise something a little deeper about my aversion to my blog at the moment. Wait, before I go there I have to stop and thank my amazing readers and friends, who have slowly found time to tell me how much they love ‘project me’ and share their reasons for not commenting. Not that the commenting or retweeting has anything to do with my final decision about the blog … it’s just and excuse to not have to get ‘project me’ real about the space I’m in.

The reality of the space I’m in and I think I’m getting to the nitty gritty of why the blog is getting to me so much, stems for the straw that broke the camel’s back today.
After my dad passed away, I shared a country song with my mom, where the lyrics go: ‘Life’s not the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away’. From that day on, that song has been very emotional for both my mom and I as we both reflect on our relationship with my dad, in our own special way. Money is tight. Money is more than tight and Pat and I are still out there doing everything in our power to live our individual dreams. Our bedroom looks gorgeous, but we’ve done it on a shoestring budget and there are things we know we’ll improve on as the money begins to flow.

Then I was it.
A picture frame with the words of the song written around it. I had to have it. Finances are strained but I still couldn’t walk out of that store without having it for my mom and I had to turn to Pat for help. Help that he really can’t give me, but gave me anyway. That set the tears going and all the frustration that has been building about … let me breathe before I vent …

I have worked so fucking hard and I still can’t by my mom the simplest, yet most precious present that costs only a few hundred rand. That’s it … that’s why I don’t wanna blog anymore … it’s because I’ve been telling this money story since before I even began blogging and I’m trying not to feel like a right royal failure for still not having a decent income after two years.

That’s the truth … that’s the reality … that’s why the blogging currently sucks … that’s why I have the Sunday blues like all hell!!!

With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour

What a bunch of Twits – project me day 654

Posted by jodene October 21, 2011 No Comments »

I know Twitter. I strategise, plan and support people with their branding and the voice they want to get out into the world. I’ve got impressive numbers and all that jazz, but nothing will ever be more valuable to me about Twitter than a bunch of crazy girls.

I have plans. It has a lot to do with social media and a whole lot more to do with lots of bucks, but it will never be of more value than a bunch of loud and very giggly girlfriends.

Yes, awesome Twitter things happened yesterday and Lifeology were officially appointed as the social media strategists for Nkosi’s Haven and all I wanted to do was share it with the most supportive crowd of girls I’ve ever been blessed to know.

Last night was Twit inspired beyond belief and even though it was the 4th anniversary (I figured that out by default and am not that date obsessed … I hope ;p) I was in the happiest place I could be.

There’s this girl, you see and she fell in love with this boy. Wow, my blog has been laced with love stories of late … anyway … so this girl and this guy fell in love. My favourite part is when I tell you that they met over Twitter and last night was a surprise farewell for this very special friend.

Since the beginning of the week, the challenge has been for 8 avid Twitterers to not let the cat out the bag. 8 girls who Tweet about everything now have to shut the hell up! Um … well, we did it! We managed to hold our Tweet fingers still for a little over a week and surprise our dearest friend @pixelslave10.

Twitter is my income, my passion, my career and my leap of faith, but most of it, it’s the place where some of my most precious friendships began. That’s why I started #FollowSA!!! Because of the limitless possibility of a Tweet and the proof that one Twit (or 8) can change your life.

I laughed myself silly! I felt my heart cry! I shared my happiness! I spoke my fears … with the most amazing bunch on Twits!

@Pixelslave10, @Dezy_D, @LizaSutherland, @KhanyisaKN, @Liesldb, @Leebs101, @LindseyKin85 and @SamRobinson25, no matter where Twitter takes me, it will always have brought me to you!

I had lunch with a friend of mine today because he needed some advice about life and the directions he should take. He has known me way before ‘project me’ and said he needed help making his life his own personal project. I reminded myself of the most important point today … to find something to be grateful for at the end of every single day.

Today, on top of the work beginning to flow in, key accounts heading my way and it being a week until I create a home with Mr Unexpected … I’m most grateful for my friend … a real bunch of Twits!

With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour

I’m not so old after all – project me day 512

Posted by jodene May 27, 2011 1 Comment »

I think the only person who can’t believe that I used to be this club hopping, 4am on a school night kinda girl is me.
I started when I was 16 (I’m sure that was under age) and discovered a club called Ceasars Palace in Braamfontein. I kid you not … it became a standard Wednesday and Saturday night thing until it got to the point that a group of us were on the VIP list and used to stroll past the crowds lining up in long queues on a freezing night like last night.

Nothing would stop us! Not even exams or broken bones. Ladies night was on Wednesdays and we would grab front row seats on the edge of the dance floor. We would wait for certain songs the whole nite and sometimes arrive home as the sun was rising because it took that long to get up on the speakers and dance to it!
I remember that one year a friend of ours gave up clubbing for Lent … we thought she was psycho and there was a huge celebration when she returned after 40 days of real sacrifice. It did pay off though, because she met her hubby there not long after.

Believe it or not … I never had one comfortable day of clubbing in all the thousands of nights out. It was way before ‘project me’ and I was this chubby, glasses wearing virginal girl who thought that competing with size 2 chicks who got the guy was the end of my world. I went for the dancing, the b52 shooters and because I have always made beautiful friends throughout my life. Even now, as I sit here and think back, I can’t think of one time when I was happy in my skin and out on the town.

That girl in me is an old friend that I no longer recognise and I only realised that last night.

So, I bitched and moaned like an absolute brat and Tweeted myself silly about it being too cold to go out and that I was too old to go out on the jol (SA word for awesome time or party). I chewed Greggie’s ear off and shivered like a drama queen but kept reminding myself that in a few hours it would be his birthday and I had to grow the hell up!

Of course I’m thrilled that I went out and for so many reasons.
I’m loving getting to know people I’ve met on Twitter and I can slowly start to call real friends. Mike is one of those special peeps who invited us to go watch an SA band that he has been raving about. I haven’t done live music in ages and forgot how much I love it. I might still be feeling too old to go to loud concerts where I have to queue for hours and stand for even longer, but last night I realised that I’m not gonna get to old for amazing SA bands in chilled out venues, with special people.

My proud pic at the top is with Mike, me and Graeme from the Graeme Watkins Project in the middle. I haven’t seen stage personality like that in a very long time and for a girl whose passion lies with country music, I have to say they get full marks for stealing my heart. I loved the lyrics and I hope to interview Graeme on Your Project Me Story soon, so I will definitely include some of them.

Only when all the gorgeous girls arrived and it would have been that time for the old insecurities to kick in, did I realise just how happy I am to have taken time time to like me.
I mean seriously, look at my gorgeous friends! Oh, look … there’s gorgeous me too!

‘Project me’ made magic last night by not having to drag all the baggage of low self esteem out with me. I’m not a girl to look back with regret, but I am one to look at the moments as perfect and even more amazing remembering how far I have come.

In the end everything warmed up: The fingers, toes, heart and company.

Thanks to Mike for the invite and the Graeme Watkins Project for the SA pride. To Emmanuel for rocking up unexpectedly and being so freaking special.

Last, but certainly not least … to my best friend, business partner, next door neighbour and soul mate (in our own little way) … happy birthday to you! So much of who I am is because of the light that you held up so that I could see who I am through all the darkness. It was one of the most precious moments to count down to your birthday and wish you a happy birthday in moments when I couldn’t be happier to be me.

With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour

My version of the end of the world – project me day 505

Posted by jodene May 20, 2011 7 Comments »

Remember when I received the letter from my friend in Holland and it will filled with flavoured condoms that you don’t get in SA? Well if tomorrow really is the end of the world and I didn’t get to taste the cola flavoured one, I’m really gonna be pissed off. I did contemplate blowing it up like a balloon and … oh … I’ll leave you with the thought!

The bottom line is that I’ve spent my day having a giggle at my friends who have had their bucket lists on display or have been unfollowed on Facebook by making fun of tomorrow.

Me … what do I think?
Well, I’ve always made it clear that I don’t fall for the literal interpretations of anything that floats out there in the psyche of mankind. I don’t mock it either and I don’t ever try change other people’s beliefs or think anyone is loopy for what they believe in.

I’m just glad that I’m not freaking out that tomorrow could be the end of the world and a curious part of me is wondering what the people who believe are doing right now? I’m wondering what they are feeling now and what tomorrow is going to be like for them. I’m also wondering what it would be like if I’m totally wrong and I find myself in the leading roll of my own Armageddon.

I do have a belief though and this is it … our consciousness definitely is on the shift! I’m a firm believer that there are times in the universe where their are shifts. I believe they can be that great the the entire consciousness of the planet can change and that it’s visible to see. I don’t believe that you wake up and it’s different. I believe that it’s gradual and I believe that it is happening right now.

I’m watching my life, my friends and families lives and the state of the world and at some moments I do feel as though the end is nigh! I’ve had another very draining and trying day and in my own way I’ve had ends. It might not be the 21st, but my world as I know has shifted significantly.

Firstly, it’s not just me … I know that there have been network and technology glitches all day long. I don’t believe in coincidence so I’m going to pressure that the planets are doing their thing and our man made wires and microchips are hating it.

My dear friend, Nikki, can spot from a mile away when I’m not telling my whole truth in my blogs, but sometimes it’s so damn hard to share stuff while it’s so raw. I don’t want to upset anyone who might be reading it and who is personally involved and I don’t want to speak out of turn, but I always speak my truth as best as I can in the moment. On that note … I put a friendship down today. I don’t know what more to say than that at a point we realise that a person isn’t seeing us for who we really are. Today, I felt unseen and I can’t sustain a friendship like that. It made the day horrid. It made me unable to truly concentrate and didn’t make the (possible) last day of the world much fun!

I slept in my mom’s bed last night. I love living with my mom and we have the kitties floating around the house but I’m also as comfortable to close my door and hide away in my own space. I hope my lack of meditation doesn’t lower my chances of making till the 22nd of May because I’m still not in that ‘project me’ space to understand why I’m not doing what I love … meditating, doing my tantra exercise and moonlight rituals. It’s on the to-do list to work out if tomorrow has really been taken too literally. Last night I got home to my mom being worried about my sis who is going through her own rough time. The kitties were purring on the bed and I just didn’t want to leave. I felt like a little girl with a sore tummy who only wanted to sleep in her mommy’s bed. A big part is still this unexplained desperate missing of my dad right now. I’m thinking that, just in case tomorrow is the last day on this earth, I might just have another slumber party night with my mom and the kitties!

Once again, you can never be too sure so I’m super excited that Greggie is making seafood rissoto tonight and our friend, XXX, is making super yummy dessert!

Wherever you are … whatever you believe … I hope it’s you own belief and there is nothing to fear!

With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour