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Published March 14th, 2011
I can hardly even concentrate, but I’m dragging myself through this blog. I made a choice to tell my life story, so here it is. While I am sitting with all my dramas about feeling fat, hating gym and worries about having to explain my every choice to people around me, I’m waiting to get a call from the vet. I’m waiting for the vet to tell me why my little and oh so precious kitten is having HIV and Leukemia tests.
So this is my life happening in real time and it’s not the greatest way to start a Monday. It’s especially not fantastic after a weekend of continuous voices pounding away in my head. No, not an array of Cybil voices. They are just my own – The nasty ego voice and the rational soul voice. Oh, there could be a guided voice or two that I seem to ignore most of all.
Of course I know why I’m ignoring them!! It’s because they keep shoving this image of the tarot hanged man in my face. As tarot cards go … I seem to hate this one! Well, who wouldn’t? It tells you to stand in your truth and do things your way no matter what the world might think of you, say or do to you!
Don’t be fooled by the ‘positivity movement’! It’s so easy to think all the happy thoughts in the world, but to stand in your truth and do it truly is much more difficult. I even find myself battling to blog this because I know I’m going to get the positivity lecture, yet the reality is undeniable … to stand up in one’s truth is the ultimate of life’s challenges.
For starters, it’s even difficult to distinguish the truth behind all of the noises of the world. It’s simple things that I battle with, but none the less they are monstrous to me.
I’ve never claimed to be on the positivity bus, but none of the chaos that I go through is any form of a pity party. The fears, obstacles and trial that I face are extremely real. I wouldn’t have a career if it were not for the reality that things are easier said than done. I wouldn’t have this blog if everyone simply told themselves the truth and never repeated a pattern a day in their lives. But life doesn’t work that way and we are all trying to figure out how ….
How do I live consciously? How do I overcome my fears? How do I ensure I never make the same mistake again? How do I face the truth and not sweep it under the carpet?
Winston Churchill once said: “If you’re going through hell, keep going!” I’m not sure what that means just yet … but I do pride myself in the reality that I do keep going, even when it feels like the burning depths of hell.
I have just gotten off the phone from Greggie, who gave me an analogy that I really needed to hear. He told me that when we climb a mountain there are still little hill that we have to go over and on those downhills, we are still working our way up that mountain. If I have my first instincts right, I go back down to the bottom of the mountain every time I have an obstacle. I feel as though I have achieved nothing and that I need to begin all over again.
What’s all this encrypted confusion about? Well, it’s about food and exercise … yet again!!
I’m still on the SlimLab and it’s certainly helping me curve the cravings and balance the sugars, however, when it was weight-in day I had picked up nearly 3 kg’s! Well didn’t that just fuel the shame, considering that I have been going to gym and walking nearly every day and I had introduced carbs back into my life after tossing them out for the wedding. I set myself right back to the place of not knowing my body or myself and I tossed the idea of being healthy all together. Instead of going down a little hill and carrying on up the mountain, I rolled over and tumbled all the way to the bottom again. … That’s addiction for you!
So I feel as though I’ve been battered and bruised, but once again, I know that speaking my truth to Greggie and then to the world is a big part of overcoming the scary space I find myself in. I also know that there are many people out there who I can empathise with and that’s why I need to express it in the blog. I know … I know so much … but doing something about it is truly easier said than done.
So if you are reading this and you can relate … cut yourself some slack and be a little kind to yourself. That’s all the advice I can give your right now because it’s the only thing I know to do for me at this moment too.
PS … The vet just called and Saphirah does have a low immune system but it’s not leukemia or HIV!! I can’t tell you how relieved I am! So it’s wet food at night and a little monitoring and she’ll be just fine 
What a day and it’s only 11am!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published March 13th, 2011
It’s easy to hide from someone else, but absolutely impossible to hid from myself. Or is that true?
I can count on my fingers the amount of times I haven’t felt like blogging but today I could just hide away from all of this. Hide away from making my life public and from trying to stand out in the world.
The reality hit me at about lunchtime yesterday … I do have the ability to sabotage my happiness. I do know how to leave myself alone and my highest potential alone and so man more of you!
Thank heavens for ADDICTION!
Mine might not be alcohol or drugs … maybe it’s better, maybe it’s worse … but yesterday I realised that it’s time to be different.
No … not do something different, but to BE different because my different is the thing I’m most afraid of.
I went to want Greggie sing last night (that might be a little secret, but one day I’ll post a video … with his permission of course) and it was a little concert in a church with one incredible singing teacher’s students. Some were brilliant and some weren’t so good but no matter what, they all sang.
Except … there was one little girl who got too afraid and pulled out of singing. She’s the one I focused on most of all. Afterward neither Greg nor my mom said they noticed her … yet my heart broke for her. Somehow I knew that feeling and (without being to mean to myself) I understood having a beautiful talent but being too afraid to show it and then wishing I could. I knew half her tears were relief and the other half would always be regret.
Somehow I can’t put that moment down and I know that I’m hiding my talent from the world. My very talent is the lesson of teaching the world that you can stand as an individual. I’m addicted to fitting in because of the fear of being different … that’s gonna take some explaining but today I’m that petrified of that statement that it’s left me a little shaken … so shaken that I slept until 11:30 today!
But here’s the truth. I don’t know where to begin and I’m already feeling ashamed because I want to start explaining myself heaven forbid the ‘positivity generation’ read this post and tell me to pull myself together or chin up or get over myself.
Truth first …
But for today I know I’m going to go right back to my addiction … I will fit in with the world of what I eat to not be difficult, what to say as to not cause and upset and what to do as to not look to out of place in the world!
Don’t all addicts say it … “I’ll just do it for one more day!”
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published March 7th, 2011I can’t even think of a picture for today’s blog. I didn’t think I would be this exhausted but I’m sure it’s the relief.
It was one of those days that was all planned out with something I have been looking forward to for months. Between the seconds that Greg answered his cellphone and passed it to me with a hint of concern in his voice, my blood turned cold. Between the seconds that my mother said “he is alright, but …” countless fears raced through my mind.
My 5 year old nephew was hit by a car.
Because the toughest lesson in ‘project me’ is making everything about me, I’ll cut through the drama and say that my brave little nephew is fine and coming home in a few hours. There are countless miracles, like the fact that the accident happened in a cul-de-sac so the car was going extremely slowly and that my sister was at a party with friends who all jumped in to help her through the initial moments while ambulances arrived. She said there was a friends husband counting every minute and telling her how far the ambulance was, so the 5 minutes it took wasn’t really the 30 minutes she felt it was.
He has no broken bones and is only complaining of a sore hand. He looks as though he went 10 rounds in a street fight and he was kept overnight for observation but woke up with all symptom normal.
As for me, I also feel as though I have gone ten rounds in a fight, but it’s all been internal battles.
When Greggie met me, everything in my life was a hysterical drama and I couldn’t cope with anything that life sent me. I literally used to crumble into a heap and things would be so chaotic that no one could determine how bad the problem really was. Years of ‘project me’ … consciousness, facing my fears, telling the truth and realising my ability to cope with life, has bought me to the point of handling fear in a much more rational manner.
Yesterday was one of the biggest tests of how far I have come. Logic kicked in and so did the realisation that life will take its course and I will be able to choose from there. But there was nothing I could do until I had more information of was there to see my nephew for myself.
I still had to choose between carrying on the plans with my friends or going to the hospital. The only reason why I considered still seeing a concert I have been waiting to see for months is because you never quite know the extent of the crisis in my family. I say that with love, but for ages you sit with no information at all and after my mom said he was fine but … I decided to rather take it one second at a time.
I chose my family … but that’s a given.
One thing I can say is that we all pull together in times of need. We never leave each other’s side, but the same old family issues bubble under. My ‘project me’ moment was dealing with them instead of carrying both fear and frustration round with me on such an uncertain day. I can’t express how big a moment it was to finally have the courage to speak with conviction and not cause a family feud.
I did burst out crying after, but that felt good to.
I don’t want children. I say it often. It’s moments like yesterday, where I see the fear in my big sister’s eyes and this fragile little boy lying in a hospital bed that I admit to myself that I’m not cut out for it this time around. I salute every mommy and daddy and grandparent out there … but not me! My big sis even passed a giggling comment confirming that this was the final ‘not for me’ straw. She’s so right. It’s still another ‘project me’ moment despite it not being what people might understand. I have had dozens of people telling me it’s the greatest gift you can give yourself and you can’t go through life not being a parent. But yesterday I had moments of greatest gifts. Every day I have moments of greatest gifts.
I’m not a ‘what if’ girl! Neither am I a ‘it could have been’ girl. I don’t hash different scenarios in my head. He might have died, he could have been paralised … no, no … there’s no place for that in ‘project me’! It is what it is! There is enough to be grateful for without having to be grateful for all that did not happen. For some reason, this realisation did something very important within me.
I’ve blogged about it before, but in these moments I always get my mother’s most focused attention and simply say “Psalm 91″. The story is long but its impactful enough for me to have traced different patterns on writing on my arm for the tattoo that is simply going to say ‘psalm 91′! Without any could have’s or should have’s … yesterday I witnessed a miracle.
Actually … what moment in life isn’t a miracle?
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published February 27th, 2011
Admittedly, I’ve felt crappy for days.
Damn, now I have to explain myself!
There is a line of diabetes in my family, so I really shouldn’t be messing around with how I eat considering I’ve been diagnosed with a pretty high level of something. I don’t know how it all works but I do know that I need to keep my sugar levels as stable as possible.
Everyone always assumes that means cutting out all the carbs and keeping the sugar to almost non existent (including the good ones) and sometimes I get into total idiot space and act like ‘everyone’. No offence to anyone who is reading this and knows they aren’t being kind to their bodies, but the truth first hurts and then sets you straight.
On Tuesday night when Greggie, my mom and myself get together for our little dose of self healing and honesty I am going to have to deal with the consequences of what I’m about to tell you.
Before my sister’s wedding I began to worry that I wouldn’t look great in what I was wearing. I know I said that a few times. The truth is that I did the one thing that I thought was the only thing I could do and cut my carbs right down. I mean right down. The most I would have was an odd bowl of all bran every few days. I had no fruit and I listened to some of the worst advice I have ever been fed. Actually, I’ve been fed it for years and I tapped back into in a total space of fear.
After the wedding I felt great and so I carried on keeping my carbs low. Not completely gone, but I know it’s too low.
Then Hustler Girl and I went on that sugar binge and I was sick almost halfway through my carbo loaded lunch. With each crash I had to fuel myself with more sugar and I have been faint and dizzy since Wednesday.
Yesterday was so bad that I literally had to put myself to bed after a lunch that goes against anything screaming balance.
You know I have voices in my head, so I’m not going to go into explaining myself about that. I am going to explain what the voices were screaming at me about though.
Friends, I love you … but my word, do you mess with my mind and my choices for my own health. I can’t believe how everyone has an opinion and I watch your Facebook status’s saying you were at gym for 2 hours and you are surviving fine on a tomato smoothie. Here I am trying to learn to listen to my own body and it’s screaming for me to eat carbs at every meal. The good carbs of course … but carbs one the less. It’s protein overload all around me and that’s not the wisest thing to do for a body.
At this point my best friend, Greggie, is reading this post and rolling his eyes or mumbling ‘I told you so’ under his breathe, but for some reason I did choose a lifetime of learning things my own way.
Since I was a little girl I never just believed anything that I was told and that has carried on through my whole life. Why would I make it any different when learning how to eat. NOT being told how to eat or following a diet or a plan … but learning for myself what I need to balance my own body.
With the room spinning around me and my blood levels wavering from high to low, the voices reminded me that I know what I’m doing. I know that there is no one under the sun who can tell me what to eat and how to take care of my own body. Shit, that’s a lot of self trust. No one goes inwards at a time like this and the craving to google the perfect diet is haunting me.
I’m not 13! I’m a 37 year old woman who is trying to show the world that we have the power within us to do and be anything. The truth does remain though … I have an erratic sugar issue and I should NOT be messing around with it. The only way to do that is grow the hell up and start listening to myself.
So, you can hear I’m being mean to myself and I’m going to have to take some time to turn that around, but in the meantime I have to stop the light-headedness and the room from spinning. I have to trust in myself to balance my sugars myself and take yet another massive ‘project me’ step.
First things first though … I admitted it! I told you and me the truth … I didn’t want an afternoon nap, I needed it! Desperately!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
body issues, diet, fear, friends, Greggie, gym, Hustler Girl, Project Me, truth, wedding | 
6 CommentsPublished February 22nd, 2011
Today I feel speechless. I don’t know what to say about myself except WTF?? I’m wondering why I didn’t get the little girl dream of getting married and having kids by the age of 24. Not that I haven’t seen that be an incredible dream for so many. But for some reasons, when I was sketching my dream life I had other crazy idea. Other mad, big and totally magical ideas that would suit my personality down to a T. That doesn’t mean I’m not entitled to curse myself for some of the best ideas I’ve had.
I always cast my mind to an interview I watched with Robbie Williams. I watched in awe as one of the greatest music icons of the world spoke about how absolutely petrified he is of his own success. How freaked out he gets before he records a song, sings a song, releases a song, performs a song. He has performed in front of record breaking crowds and felt like a total failure. Imagine thinking that millions of people (who are screaming and cheering your name) all think you suck. Yet Robbie doesn’t know how to do anything else. He can’t be who he isn’t and he would have no purpose if he didn’t wake up and do what his soul is yelling out for him to do.
I totally get your Robbie.
I know my friends sometimes don’t understand my panic or that you can shove me on a stage in front of hundreds of people and I’ll be fine, but send me to a meeting alone and I want to cry. I get what it does to me … but I do it anyway.
So, I’ve had some brilliant ideas! You are reading one of them. There are much more where those came from and I am working with my heart and soul to breathe more and more life into them. That doesn’t mean I don’t curse myself during Lifeology meetings. Usually Greggie smirks and then it hits me … “holy crap … now that’s gonna take bravery and confidence! $%#& more bravery and more confidence!!!”
The bolder the idea, the more Greg hoses himself and the more pale I turn but there’s nothing else on this earth I would be doing.
Last night I shared some of my big scared crybaby fears with a friend who told me to get over myself. He said it endearingly but he also made me realise something. This girl ain’t changing. If I were anyone else beside the girl with the big ideas who got freaked out by those very plans that spilled forth, I would have no driving force.
My power is my very own ability to bring to life those very things that scare the living hell out of me. It doesn’t matter whether it’s as small as making a phone call to as big as …. don’t let me say how big because that might just spark another crazy idea. Let’s just say that what’s on my plate is big enough … it’s JODENE enough and it scares the living bajeebers out of me.
The Robbie interview:
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published February 21st, 2011
For those of you who don’t live in the land of the traditional South African meat dish called boerewors. It’s a sausage that means ‘farmer’s sausage’ and it’s beyond yummy. The reason why it’s so important to introduce you to it or tease my fellow South African’s with the thought of it is because boerewors is never eaten alone. It’s alway surrounded by far too many other yummy things and carbo-overload is top of the list.
Yesterday wasn’t the most eventful as activities go. Wake up … eat! Blog … eat! Watch a movie … eat! Have lunch … um! and so the day went on. I’m not directly pointing a finger at my sister and brother-in-law but they did cook all the food the whole day. Who can blame the bride who hasn’t been having the best food time before the wedding so post occasion she’s having her favourite things.
There’s no gun to my head, but the new relationship I’m forming with food, I am finally getting quantity and ‘desires’ right. NOT YESTERDAY.
It’s official … we go into autopilot of old patterns. I could actually hear myself saying to me that I didn’t want to eat that or I had had enough of eating that, but I just kept going. So I gave myself a gift … I watched the old me consume me!! I didn’t get mad or frustrated with myself. I remember this happening twice in my life before. Once when I quit smoking and once when I was obese and started to deal with it.
I remember sitting in front of the mirror and watching myself inhale smoke like an alien had landed from Mars. Even though I had smoked since I was about 16, it became totally foreign to me.
The second time it happened … well that was the last day I ever ordered 2 hamburgers, 1 packet of large chips, one tub of fried calamari and an ice cream. Yes … that was my quantity of comfort food.
Yesterday wasn’t nearly as insane but it was mad enough. It also gave me one of the greatest gifts I’ve given myself in a long time and one just as powerful as the other two moments that were life-changing. I know it was so impactful because of how I woke up this morning … fearless of ever going back!!!!
The timing is perfect because other fearful things are starting to creep up and I would usually hide behind food.
I’m not great at traveling on my own … not even to a new building a few minutes away from home. No jokes … but my dad left me in a restaurant when I was about 6 and I thought he was never coming back. There were no cellphones in those days and what seemed like nearly the whole day was under and hour … for a little girl to think her daddy forgot her. For some reason that freaked me out for all eternity and I have this crazy notion that I will get lost and never be found again! Yes … I’m 37 and it might be time to get over that.
So this week I’m going to a meeting where I am going to follow directions and find my way through buildings and next month I am flying to Cape Town all by myself too! For a girl who wants to travel the world and tell my ‘project me’ story … I thought it was a good time to start!! No addiction to cradle me …
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published February 18th, 2011
Nothing …
I miss teaching terribly. I realised last night, after my self discovery group with a few old students, that I’m going crazy without teaching. I’ve blamed money for my frustration for a while now but the realisation is that I’m not being me and it’s chewing away at my self esteem.
So this is it … I’m slipping into my mode of greatest existence and I’m sharing a lesson with you that I have been reminding myself of a lot over the past few days.
Do you know that there is a difference between self worth and self esteem?
Imagine a tree with its roots planted firmly in the ground. The greater the need for stability according to the environment that the tree has to endure, the greater the root.
Firm within the earth the roots grow until they know that nothing will pull it from the ground, which is directly related to our self worth. It is the deep knowing of who we are. It is the unwavering strength, courage, self love, fearlessness and determination to survive. He all have it and that is what makes us all that powerful.
Above the ground is the trunk, branches and leaves of that very firmly planted tree. The storms, winds and beating sun may cause extreme chaos for the parts of the tree that are above the earth. Storms may be so bad that branches are ripped from the tree like limbs and winds may strip the tree of all its beauty, but the tree still stands firm. That which takes the beating of life is your self esteem. You get knocked down, beaten at every turn and scared into spaces of wanting to surrender, but your roots won’t allow you.
I am not the greatest fan of the perception of positive thinking and affirmations because of the world’s idea that saying anything negative could uproot them. The most fundamental gift that we can give ourselves as to speak the truth and many times that is laced with the reality that we are slowly being poisoned by not allowing the natural cycle of life to mold us. Without rain the tree would not be fed and it would die. Without the change of seasons and having to survive the harsh winters or the sweltering summers then the tree would stagnate and eventually die too, but it doesn’t fear the harshness of life because it knows its roots.
People expect that because of what I teach and my career choice that I should be positive all of the time. I was once asked where my rich lifestyle is if I teach manifestation. I have been asked how come I haven’t managed to manifest a boyfriend if I believe in the laws of attraction and where the masses are if I know I am that powerful. For a long time I thought I was getting it so very wrong. I even spent yesterday questioning the very things I believe in myself without a shadow of a doubt. My self esteem has been pounded over the past few days and I have had to weather a horrid storm that might not have completely passed, yet through it all I worked with pride. I created a new concept, set up meetings that take me out of my comfort zone and make me braver and I had the courage to initiate meeting a man.
I might be battered and bruised but today I am a little more aware of the strength, courage, determination and power of who I am. Maybe it’s my life choice but I wasn’t born with a simple knowing of my greatness. For whatever my soul reasoning is, I am choosing to learn it through storms and blizzards that test every fiber of my self esteem and that is what makes me more of the person I am determined to be.
I will have it all and the power of manifestation, the laws of attraction and positive thinking are real and truly that powerful. However, those are the roots and if you allow them to be uprooted whenever there is a storm then you don’t realise how very powerful you are.
If I needed all this hardship, fear and chaos to get me to my point of realisation that I am at today then I am truly living the laws of attraction. When I find the man that I know I can love unconditionally it will have been because of the rising of a battered self esteem that has endured many failing love affairs and when the abundance of money washes over me it will be my friend because of the hard works and respects we have worked on as a united team.
We all have those roots of self worth that hold us firm and remind us that no matter what life throws at us, we are unwavering. Your gift is to allow yourself to weather the storm in truth and look at the cuts, bruises and tears but the watch your power to heal the too and wait for the flowers to blossom … until the torturous rains return to feed you right down to your very deepest root.
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published February 17th, 2011
I’ve never denied being a little wacky. Seriously, a person who blogs every day of their lives has to be a sandwich short of a picnic basket. Yes, I’m talking to all of you daily bloggers. Sometimes my wackiness is a fun distraction for my brain that works too hard and other times it’s genuine unhealthy thoughts. Mastering the art of ‘project me’ is finding my way of giggling at the latter and making it the brains distraction anyway.
What the hell am I on about? Sometimes I wonder myself. However, this particular chaos is caused by the exciting buildup to my change in hair colour (which I totally love) and the unexpected bill one my hair was done. I am a believer that you have to spend money to make it., but holy cow. Gulp … it was basically all my grocery and entertainment money for the month. Granted, I’m not a lavish spender (that’s a valid point for a dating site me thinks) and I never regret money spent, BUT I’m too scared to wash my hair.
It’s ok … you can roll your eyes like everyone else or burst out laughing like the rest but this chick is making this colour laaaaaaaaaaaaaaast! So while distracting my brain from the really scary things (which I will get to now) I have been plotting and scheming how to get away with washing my hair once a week. I kid you not … my brain does this. It’s a plan sure to fail but it’s comforting my ego that is living on a shoestring for the remainder of the month. If my plan were to work I’m thinking I could eat well for the months of March and April
Day 1 … wash hair and wear it down.
Day 2 … I could wing another day down or hold it all together with a clamp
Day 3 … definitely another clamp day
Day 4 … pony tail
Day 5 … scraped back bun
Day 6 … scraped back super greasy bun
Your thoughts?
You’re right … let’s put my brain to better use, like taking my career to another level.
It’s been playing on my mind for so long that I’m not sitting on something insignificant with my talents but the ‘how’ of it all has been freaking me out and putting on the brakes. Thanks to my incredible friends, followers and family I have had no choice but to get over my crap and realise that it’s time to do something … anything … as shit scared as I am. I’ll tell you why I’m afraid before you even get a chance to ask. Because whenever I think of making it out there as a blogger or speaker I think of the millions of others and feel like a tiny little guppy in a very big ocean. That’s why.
I may as well stop ‘project me’ right now if I give into those fears and so I decided to do what I’ve been talking about for far too long … open ‘project me’ up to the world. Let others tell their story and watch it snowball because I would much rather hear a story from the everyday person on the street than the millionaire or guru. It’s always been my plan and I don’t know what I’ve been waiting for … so in a few hours I will be launching my first ‘Your Project Me Story’.
I posted an event on Facebook … which my dearest followers don’t all read properly but that’s besides the point … and opened it up to everyone around the world to tell a ‘project me’ story of their own. My gesture in return is to sponsor that page with a product/brand/charity or tool to market yourself. Of course it was an anxious day … waiting and wondering if anyone would reply. Wow … the response was overwhelming and I am so excited to share some magical ‘project me’ stories through the months that follow.
The day got bigger with my confirmation of the first ‘project me interview’ with an incredible social networking business man who has developed one of the best social networking tools that I feel South Africa has to offer. That’s a few days away, but in the meantime I’m on the hunt for ‘the heroes of business/sport/entertainment/charity/awareness and care the world over to tell their stories in the newly launched section of ‘project me’ too. Once again, I held my breath waiting for one of my heroes to respond to me and when I got my, “I would be honoured” I felt the snowball effect begin (in a good way).
This morning I’m still more afraid of washing all the colour out of my hair than posting my first ‘Your Project Me Story’ and that’s a good sign because I know better than anyone else that fear is the greatest fuel of all. So it’s posting blog, sending interview questions to the first of many heroes and then off to wash this greasy, tangled but very brightly coloured hair.
I hope your day is just as scary
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published February 16th, 2011
I have heard it said before that there’s something in the water, but for this blogging/writing/speaking girl, it’s in the tea.
If you have been following my blog for a while you might recall that in December my brother bought the wrong tea. The totally wrong tea. If you’ve been following you also know that I say I never complain, but I do! So I sucked it up and slogged my way through the other brand for nearly two month. Yep, if it were MY brand I would have drunk far more but I’m not one to waste stuff and everyone else in this house drinks coffee … sigh!
Then it happened. It was time to buy more tea. My brand! My tea! My Joko!!
I’m only a brand queen about two things … My Dolce & Gabbana and my Joko.
I kid you not, it’s only been a day or two but I swear something has changed. Or is it that something has returned? Last night Greggie, mom and I were talking about how I handled everything at my little sis’s wedding. I have also been on a mission to do more things with my career opportunities over the past few days. I’m ready to tackle fixing my back in a big way and I’m about to get bolder with a boy … it hit me all of a sudden that one very distinct thing had change. I had a hot cup of Joko tea in my hand.
Bring it on world! That’s how I feel today!
I am making plans to get my public speaking going in a big way. “Project Me” is about to be spoken about in the four corners of the world … although it might start in the local community hall down the road
I have things to say, people to see, places to go and a lot more ‘project me’ things to do … but I will never be without my tea again.
We all have something that comforts us and I get asked so often what the difference between passion and addiction is? I have also been spending some time with someone who has so bravely overcome addiction in their life and although we all joke about my addiction to tea … not just any tea … I am beginning to have the smallest glimmer into the life of someone where addiction consumed their every waking moment. We are all addicts in some way and some of us don’t even know it.
I don’t know whether it’s worse to live with one that you know or have to try and figure out what is consuming you so much. I remember when I admitted my addiction to food and I know the first time I saw myself in the mirror and though ‘when did I become this?’
Between the long hours of talking to someone who has braved it yet still fears it and hearing many great words of praise for ‘project me’ as I live it and blog about it, I have been pushed to do something more. Trust me … I’m shit scared!
This morning I woke up ready to get out there and speak. Ready to tell my story because of how a story has inspired me, because we all have a story to tell.
So, if you are in the Johannesburg area and you have a venue you would like to promote or would like to sponsor a ‘project me’ talk, then contact me jodene@lifeology.biz or post a comment here and let’s get out there and grow together.
I also woke up today and realised that so many people have their ‘project me’ story to tell and I’m about to launch ‘YOUR STORY’ where you get to share your gratitude to anyone or any thing that has helped you nearly as much as my tea has helped me (This is a world-wide deal so get ready to share with the world because you never know whose life could change because of you).
Now that’s a funky way to start a day Tea anyone?
PS … this is my best Joko ad and I just had to share it with the world
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published January 26th, 2011
I’m so proud of me. My excitement that I went to gym, walked ten laps around the track and feel fabulous this morning is awesome. I’m thrilled that I can feel the difference between muscle pain and damaged disk pain. Of course I want to share it with everyone who has encouraged me, but there’s something I’m noticing. Despite everyone else’s pride and excitement, I’m getting a lot of ‘don’t overdo it’ lectures.
Me? Overdo it? Well I tried that with the Greggie and he double checked about 5 times to make sure that I’m sure that I have the overdo it personality. The Jock was a little better and kinda believed me after just one attempt at lecturing me. My little sis is obviously worried that I’m to hurt myself before my wedding and mother … well mothers just worry.
It was our usual Tuesday night get together and after realising that we have all done so well with sorting out some of the addict archetype, that it was time to move onto something else. We started by focusing on why we make the choices we do. Even down to the little choices of what time we wake up and why we have the routines we do. Well that didn’t go to well because our fearful issues kept us from getting anywhere. That’s it … deal with fear first.
Archetypically, fear and faith are governed by the prostitute archetype and it what it says it is: you sell your soul for fear of survival. I’ve been teaching archetypes for many years and Greggie and myself have a great passion for this work. We live it every day and one of the things that I hear us saying to every student and to ourselves all the time is, “you can’t have fear and faith at the same time.” It’s not possible to feel faith when you are afraid and fear would not have it’s place when faith is around.” I also believe that all you have to do is pick one. Yep … all you have to do!
Well before we could focus on the fear we had to pick something else first. Just one thing that we choose to do that might not be in the highest esteem. There nights are profound and life changing, but they are far from serious. I think by now you know that I believe we are here to have fun so there’s no way I’m not going to be rolling with laughter while trying to choose on thing I might do out of fear.
How rude … by the time Greggie and my mother where done with me they had a list as long as my arm. It’s a serious toss up between checking my stats obsessively, going to sleep before midnight, getting back into meditation and finding time to read. That’s why I’m sharing it with you, because you are wondering how things like this can be laced with feelings of fear … well they do, but that’s for next weeks Tuesday night. Right now I just have to be conscious of one of them while trying not to go to gym obsessively seeing that that was pointed out to me too.
I decided to begin last night after Greggie left and what do you know … I checked my stats about twice, climbed into bed too close to midnight to say I would be asleep by then, decided it was too late to meditate or read … and promised myself that I’d try again tomorrow! Guess what … it’s tomorrow!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
