Jodene is the co-founder of:
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Published April 3rd, 2012
I’m drinking coffee … with sugar!
That’s a good indication of the space I’m in. Well, maybe it’s not the wisest idea to drive the hysterical rush of emotion and realisation with coffee, but I keep a sugar free and pretty healthy house, so when the wheels fall off, I realise the errors of my way. Nothing unhealthy here but sugar … and coffee.
Why the hysteria? Why the chaos?
Well, I’ve had a very interesting realisation or two in the last few hours and it’s gonna take some processing. Firstly, for the first time in ages, I’m thrilled to be blogging. That’s one of the huge epiphanies!
When I started the blog I had other teaching outlets and my blogging space wasn’t meant for that. It’s something that I’ve managed to do for well over 800 days, but today something happened … and I think it changed my blogging space … maybe forever. There’s something about having moments of consciousness that I’ve always wanted to share with the world and in a moment of absolute chaos today, all I wanted to do was get home and blog my thoughts, my lessons and my moment of consciousness:
I’ve woken up jittery over the past few days, battled to blog over the past few weeks and not been able to see my bravery or awesomeness through the noise of fear and chaos in my head. I’m very good at reminding myself that I have the ability to operating in pure face and I have glimmers of slipping into that space of faith, before heading back into the drama of life.
I had one of those days today, where the day was filled with opportunity, yet I was literally so nervous that I wanted to curl away and face everything another day. A great distraction came when Greggie needed to fetch his car from a service and I thought that would be a great way to waste time. The other side of me, the faithless side, hates driving that route when there’s lots of traffic and I wanted to fetch Pat first so he could do the driving. He was out …
It was supposed to be easy enough.
Then the traffic light turned red and Greggie was a whole lot of car ahead of me. I could see him on the corner, but the second traffic light caught me and at the T junction I was lost.
Panic!!
Luckily Pat’s GPS was in the car, so I grabbed it (couldn’t find the bracket, of course) and found ‘home’. Sadly I had already taken the wrong road and I had no idea where the hell I was. The GPS told me to keep right and I, holding it in my hand because the clip was nowhere to be seen, I got too flustered to move lanes and missed the turn AGAIN!
Greggie called and I didn’t have time to talk because I was hysterical, but chatted for long enough for him to tell me that I was on the right road. Never mind the fact that I was holding GPS in my hand and at the top of the screen I could see that it was taking me home.
All of a sudden I had no choice but to calm down and trust the process. Um … isn’t that the fundamental life message?
I had a guiding light in my hands, knew that it would take me to where I needed to go and even if I took the wrong turn, it would still find my home. It would make any road the right the road, even if it meant going the long way round, but all I had to do was calm down, have faith and trust the process.
Wow, for someone so connected to myself, to Goddess, to the consciousness of the power of faith, I sure don’t have the ‘calm’ to trust t process. That’s the issue. I have faith, but I’m not calm in the space of having faith. I doubt the very signs that guide me. I doubt my ability to look around and see what I know (as Greggie pointed out, I’ve driven that route with him dozens of times).
I’m on a road. It’s the right one. It might not lead me directly to where I want to go because of the choices I’ve made along the way, but it’s taking me home.
That’s the trickiest part of all … the part where you first have to know where home is. That’s where your dreams lie waiting for you to find them. That’s where the pot of gold is at the end of the rainbow. I’m fortunate enough to know where my ‘home’ is … and maybe I should share the story of how I got to know what … Tomorrow!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published August 15th, 2011
My personality and hands are too frozen to even attempt a rational blog.
Yes, it’s that freezing! I think it’s the unexpectedness of the rain that has sent my fingertips into shock. We usually have this long build up to the rain and beg for it a little so that by the time it arrives we are sweltering hot and standing under it in pure relief. I always stand under the first rains, but there was no way in hell that was happening today, so I’m sticking to these being winter rains. I know my summer rain and it ain’t coming around for a while.
Today I felt extra lucky working from home and didn’t care that my mother had work interviews for new recruitment … I was in my jimmy jams and Tiger slippers!
I’ve also managed to dodge having to leave the house tomorrow except for the fact that we are so low on groceries that I’m about to be serving up a boiled onion if I don’t brave the cold tomorrow. Or … my loving boyfriend could dash to the rescue and arrive home with dinner … (Note to self: Make sure you get Mr Unexpected to read the blog!)
So I got a skype message from 2 friends today, both very concerned about me after reading the past few entries of my blog. I would be lying if I didn’t say that things are that scary, but ‘project me’ and good friends are keeping me in check. It’s very true when they say that living your dreams are as scary as not. So I was grateful for the cold and not running to meeting so I was forced to sit down and make things happen today.
It was all about spreading the word about the Jodene’s breakfasts at the Crowne Plaza and a little more about writing the press release info for #FollowSA which is officially set for August 31st … gulp!
I’m praying to the gods that it’s just the cold, because my back has been sore again today. It’s not close to how it was before it sequestrated, but I know the signs. No matter how afraid anything else might make me, this fears me the most. I’ve spent the day trying not to sit for too long but was too freaking cold to go out and get some anti-inflammatories (maybe not the smartest reason not to go out). What’s scaring me the most is that I’ve finally been given the opportunity to get the book “Living your project me story” published and I’m worried my back is going to limit my writing.
I’m doing things differently and am meeting with my very patient personal trainer, Patrick, this Thursday to discuss making sure I keep exercising and protecting my back at the same time. Just FYI … mom thinks it’s another kinda exercise that’s giving my back a workout (sorry mom, you knew I’d mention it ;p) but I know good pain from bad and this ain’t fun.
No, I’m not glossing over it …. I’ve been offered the opportunity to publish my book by a small but real publishing company in LA!!! Holy cow!!!! All the little details to follow as I find them out, but I have one book on the go and another that the publisher would like me to write. Both of them are going to be online publications with the ‘project me story’ one to go to print as well. The combination of being freezing, sore and overwhelmed might be overshadowing the excitement, but it’s there! My bio goes on the website in the next few days as an upcoming author and when that’s release I will post it for you to see.
Incredibly … when you ask me what my ultimate dream is, it’s to be a published author! Who says ‘project me’ isn’t the best damn gift you can give yourself? Well … isn’t that inspiration to get it written and a get a copy to you ASAP!!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published June 10th, 2011I’ve put the inability to write on this trip to rest and find myself settled into actually taking in the sea air, spending time with incredible people and surrendering to the fact that ‘life happens’. I really want to say that shit happens and we all know that. On the other hand, I truly am beginning to become unwavering my belief that everything does happen for a reason. I think we screw it all up when we try analyise the reason and don’t let the natural course of life show us why we found ouselves as a particular crossroad. I used to spend so long trying to figure out which path to choose, for fear of making a wrong decision instead of heading out in any direction because that’s how life should be lived. Every road will lead us to where we want to go, that I can promise you.
I’m on a road right now and you have to believe me when I say that there are many days when I want to turn back, screaming and hoping to find a new direction. I want to sneak off the track and head out in search of a path that is so much easier and with a whole lot less risk. I nearly did it a few times this week. I actually nearly did it this morning but then I had three incredible reasons to never dare step off my path again.
I have been honoured to meet many inspirational people along the journey of blogging and through my social media contact. Who I was when I first started blogging is not the same person that I am and sometimes the only person who doesn’t realise that is ME. One of my greatest mindset that is stuck in the past is that I am desperate for exposure. Of course we all know that we always need that exposure but there are different ways in which that needs to be generated and money was always the furthest thing from my mind. I am always so moved by the kindness of some people who just take a moment to share a life lesson of their own with you. Project Me is heading into a new phase and those life lessons are more cherished than gold to me right now. I got some of that advice from Sam Cowen, who is used to being in the public eye and who made me realise that I am the creator of my own exposure and mustn’t be mislead by people who offer thinks like link exchange or the promise of ‘exposure’ when I am deserving of being paid for my time and expertise. Trust me … this is a huge lesson for me.
Today that very thing happened and I got an email from someone who made it very clear that they admire me as a writer, blogger and teacher and were offering me a link exchange for my time and knowledge. Before, the chat with Sam, I would have jumped at it but today I had demon to fight. That demon that hates asking for money and is quite happy to give of myself for free because I haven’t taken the time to acknowledge who I am.
Here comes the word that proves just how much I still need to see about me. “LITTLE”
I think the next time that comes out of my mouth, Greggie is going to throttle me (yes, literally). I do it all the time. “My little blog”, “My little story”, “My little life” and today I did the worst thing of all … I had my first online interview from an incredibly journalist, Lindsey Kin of Media Updates and after reading it I told Greggie that I was so proud of my first “Little” interview. Well, doesn’t that have to change. I am so impressed by Lindsey’s professionalism and writing style and am a little less afraid of being misquoted (seeing that everyone scares the living daylights out of me about that). Here is the interview: There’s more to Project Me’s Jodene than meets the eye.
I literally have 2 minutes to finish this blog before having to dash off again, but I can’t end my post without sharing my pride in a choice that my business partner made, that I am not entirely sure I would have been able to make at a time like this. It’s no secret that money times are tough for Lifeology and that it is scaring the living daylights out of both Greg and myself at points, but one of our fundamental teachings is to never sell your soul. Greg had a chance to make easy money but going back to the industry that he had left behind and I was so temped to tell him that he was sabotaging his choices by not doing it. That was completely a fear based response and all I had to do with my ‘project me’ self was not project me fears onto him. It was hell … trust me. After reading the specs for the job, throwing himself onto the bed with dramatic flair and having a quite conversation with himself, I watched Greg tell himself the truth and confirm to himself and me that he would only be doing it for the money and there is not room for that in Lifeology or our own integrity. Scary, but wow … it’s moments like that that make me realise just how brave we really need to be.
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published May 31st, 2011
There’s only one way to get your big girl (or boy) panties (or boxers) on and get out into the big wide world of things that fear you … Nike has it so right and I wish I could tattoo “Just do it” on most people’s foreheads. Of course I would need to start with mine.
We all have fears and we look at each other as though our fears are much scarier. I can think of a good number of people who I look at very strangely when they say something scares them. To me, it’s easy! Shove me on stage, totally unprepared, and I will be fine. Give me a topic I’m comfortable with at least. Don’t ask me geography questions in public unless you are planning on making a complete ass of me. Funny that, considering what I’m about to announce.
I’m determined not to start the ‘book’ with the opening line: “It began over a pizza and coffee”, so count it as officially being used. Truth is, it did begin that way and with a whole lot of frustration as I watched a friend put an awesome idea on a shelf because of a whole lot of fears. Mostly, his fears didn’t scare me, so it was easy to give him a handful of reasons to ‘just do it’. By the end of the evening we had a brilliant idea and both of us were making a whole lot of dreams a reality.
Pat Sloane has never seen the best parts of South Africa and for some reason I have had my dad on my mind in the most tear jerking way. Pat is a brilliant photographer and I’m a passionate writer. Pat wants to create a coffee table book of the positive side of our beautiful country and I want to give people a true understanding of happiness.
Greg and myself has dreamed of changing the perception of charity and so Lifeology Rich (readying individuals to create happiness) was born. There is so much to tell you about that aspect of our vision, but for the most part, we want to give back in the only way we know how … by empowering individuals to discover their richness within.
While I was standing on top of the 22nd floor of the most gorgeous building in the centre of Braamfontein on a frosty winter’s night in South Africa, I had two thoughts.
1 … holy crap, I climbed into an elevator and went up 22 flights without thinking I was going to do. Yes, I’m that afraid of them. I have even walked up 17 flights to my hotel room (up and down) for an entire weekend. I have made my sister walk up over 150 steps in London to avoid the subway elevator … I am that afraid! Well … I was that afraid! Staring at the beautiful view at Randlords and watching the lights twinkle and Jozi glisten, I realised that I had no need for an old pattern anymore.
I used to be afraid of getting lost or stuck in lifts and public toilets in case no one noticed I was missing. It was my fear that I would be stuck there or lost for hours or days. I can’t be claustrophobic because I’m happy to climb in a plane or pile into a noisy club and small space … but lose me in a crowd and my world falls apart. I’m not that girl anymore … the one who thinks I’m not noticed or that I’m so insignificant that I will be gone for hours and no one will even notice I’m missing. It’s been that recent that yesterday was the first elevator trip that didn’t scare the panties off of me. Okay, I cling to my cellphone a little, but that’s better than walking 22 flights of stairs.
So, on top of the world, really was that spectacular.
The other incredible moment was realising that I’m about to make one of my dad’s dreams a reality. No wonder I have been so emotional about him of late. With Pat’s fears putting on the breaks and me battling to watch people not overcome their fears, I took the plunge and told him that we would collaborate on our dreams coming true. My dad wanted to see South Africa in one long trip (but being on the road with an oxygen tank to survive is not the wisest idea) and Pat wants to take pics of the happiest moments he can capture in this magnificent country. I, on the other hand, want to do an incredible trip in memory of my dad, blog about it and share the concept that happiness truly is that individual. If you ask 100 people what happiness means to them, I know you will get 100 different answers … and so, Project Happiness is born!
The how’s are always the fun part and there’s a lot to plan without getting too bogged down in the detail. So it’s a month on the road, driving through SA and taking pictures of what happiness means to the people we meet and see around us. Then a coffee table book will be born with the combination of my telling the story of our trip and quoting South Africans from every corner of this incredible place and asking only one question … “What does happiness mean to you?”
Well …
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published May 25th, 2011
It’s one of those days I didn’t dream about and that’s what makes it all the more incredible.
It was my first interview as a blogger! Okay, casting my mind back, I’m pretty certain that it was my first interview … period! Well a face to face one with that little dictaphone and a journalist asking me questions that the world wants to know the answers to. Well, my world at least.
One of the questions that Lindsey Kin of Media Update asked me was, how do I decide what to blog about each day?
It’s the significant moments. The ones that jump out as a time when I’ve had to go into ‘project me’ mode and either tell my truth, face my reality, laugh at the moment or be conscious and grateful.
With that in mind, my day was filled with two of those moments.
The morning was abuzz with ‘project body’ phone calls and emails. I had to call my friend, The Gossip Guy for a little pep talk on actually telling the world that I’m fabulous because he knows the difference between confidence and arrogance. That done, I finally got brave and damn well called the personal trainer that I contacted just after I was given clearance to get back to gym … In MARCH! I though I would have to re-introduce myself to him, but instead he picked up the call and said, “Hi Jode, where have you been? Not in my water aerobics class, I see!”
Yes, yes … I hate gym! Well, actually … I’m scared of it! It’s because I have no idea what moderation is and usually end up breaking my body when unsupervised. After hearing my idea for ‘project body’, he’s keen to sponsor me with a few personal training session in the pool (because my back is safest exercising in water) and monitoring my weight loss and body fat, measurements … blah, blah! I’m even more excited that Niel from Slimlab is joining me in potential sponsor’s meeting and has proven to be an unbelievable support along a very scary road.
Now I”m on a mission to get a little more media exposure and Niel was a great help there too … even though he told me that all he had to do was Google. Hey, if I don’t have a PA yet, a little damsel in distress can be faked once in a while.
Driving to the interview was fun, considering I had to break it to Greggie that I double booked Monday morning because my diary is on the Blackberry and I’m scared to sync it with the laptop because things get triple booked … so when I’m on the phone I don’t know what’s happening in the dairy and … well … do you think I’m kidding about the PA?
I loved the interview questions, but we never escape the voice of the low esteem that has to be mean at the most crucial moments. Mine always says the same thing: “You talk too much!” I never give myself a hard time about talking nonsense or making no sense. I’m always mean to me when I think I could have said all of that in half the time. I said it anyway and in true Jodene style, even had a moment to shed a tear.
I love knowing that what I do is unique enough to not be able to pull 10 questions out a hat, but do know that one questions is always going to come up: “What do I do in my spare time?”
Cook!
I swear … I could think of nothing else but spending time with my friends and family and cooking … a lot of cooking! Do I need to get a life? Do I need to tell the low esteem to shut up and go into all the little details of what I do like … oh wait, I also said listen to country music. Does that count against me? Only a smattering of followers in the US will be thrilled about that answer, but most of SA will roll their eyes. Don’t make me take up knitting or sky diving. The other option is that word will spread that my stand answer will be, “I cook!” and all future journalists will know to avoid that one … damn I hope so!
Of course, the question does make me lonely! Don’t get me wrong … I love living with mom, the 2 kitties and the parrot. I would, however, love to say that my spare time was spent with a special man driving around SA and seeing all the incredible places our Country has to offer. That was my dad’s dream and we used to laugh at him. He wanted to buy a caravan and drive the whole of Africa … it never sounded tempting until after he was gone and we didn’t have the luxury of seeing the Africa through his beautiful stories and memories.
Well on that very exciting note and with a huge thank you to the team at Newsclip for finding my ‘project me’ journey newsworthy … I’m off to cook for friends! Another defining day with priceless ‘project me’ blogging moments and a great reason to blog!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published May 20th, 2011
Remember when I received the letter from my friend in Holland and it will filled with flavoured condoms that you don’t get in SA? Well if tomorrow really is the end of the world and I didn’t get to taste the cola flavoured one, I’m really gonna be pissed off. I did contemplate blowing it up like a balloon and … oh … I’ll leave you with the thought!
The bottom line is that I’ve spent my day having a giggle at my friends who have had their bucket lists on display or have been unfollowed on Facebook by making fun of tomorrow.
Me … what do I think?
Well, I’ve always made it clear that I don’t fall for the literal interpretations of anything that floats out there in the psyche of mankind. I don’t mock it either and I don’t ever try change other people’s beliefs or think anyone is loopy for what they believe in.
I’m just glad that I’m not freaking out that tomorrow could be the end of the world and a curious part of me is wondering what the people who believe are doing right now? I’m wondering what they are feeling now and what tomorrow is going to be like for them. I’m also wondering what it would be like if I’m totally wrong and I find myself in the leading roll of my own Armageddon.
I do have a belief though and this is it … our consciousness definitely is on the shift! I’m a firm believer that there are times in the universe where their are shifts. I believe they can be that great the the entire consciousness of the planet can change and that it’s visible to see. I don’t believe that you wake up and it’s different. I believe that it’s gradual and I believe that it is happening right now.
I’m watching my life, my friends and families lives and the state of the world and at some moments I do feel as though the end is nigh! I’ve had another very draining and trying day and in my own way I’ve had ends. It might not be the 21st, but my world as I know has shifted significantly.
Firstly, it’s not just me … I know that there have been network and technology glitches all day long. I don’t believe in coincidence so I’m going to pressure that the planets are doing their thing and our man made wires and microchips are hating it.
My dear friend, Nikki, can spot from a mile away when I’m not telling my whole truth in my blogs, but sometimes it’s so damn hard to share stuff while it’s so raw. I don’t want to upset anyone who might be reading it and who is personally involved and I don’t want to speak out of turn, but I always speak my truth as best as I can in the moment. On that note … I put a friendship down today. I don’t know what more to say than that at a point we realise that a person isn’t seeing us for who we really are. Today, I felt unseen and I can’t sustain a friendship like that. It made the day horrid. It made me unable to truly concentrate and didn’t make the (possible) last day of the world much fun!
I slept in my mom’s bed last night. I love living with my mom and we have the kitties floating around the house but I’m also as comfortable to close my door and hide away in my own space. I hope my lack of meditation doesn’t lower my chances of making till the 22nd of May because I’m still not in that ‘project me’ space to understand why I’m not doing what I love … meditating, doing my tantra exercise and moonlight rituals. It’s on the to-do list to work out if tomorrow has really been taken too literally. Last night I got home to my mom being worried about my sis who is going through her own rough time. The kitties were purring on the bed and I just didn’t want to leave. I felt like a little girl with a sore tummy who only wanted to sleep in her mommy’s bed. A big part is still this unexplained desperate missing of my dad right now. I’m thinking that, just in case tomorrow is the last day on this earth, I might just have another slumber party night with my mom and the kitties!
Once again, you can never be too sure so I’m super excited that Greggie is making seafood rissoto tonight and our friend, XXX, is making super yummy dessert!
Wherever you are … whatever you believe … I hope it’s you own belief and there is nothing to fear!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published May 19th, 2011
Fantastic, another day of forgetting to blog and then rushing from one thing to the next. Yesterday a doctor friends said that in the medical profession you can only really count your success after you have been in practice for 1 000 days. It’s it ironic that he made such a statement when the last thing I feel like doing tonight is blogging.
You’ve all asked what happens on the days I don’t want to … so here it is!
I’ve sat the whole day trying to do quotes for socialising other people’s businesses (which is my passion) but I hate dealing with figuring out what to charge for each individual client. I come from the spa background where everything had a set price. A body massage was so much and a facial was so much. Cut and dry. No assessing what the person needs and evaluating my time. It stresses me out beyond belief. I am trying very hard to ‘project me’ myself right before going to my very dear friends for dinner … but I am frazzled.
It doesn’t help that the damn ‘A’ of my laptop keeps flying off after a sentence or two. That does make me put the brat down for a moment and say that I’m totally thrilled at the fact that a friend of Greggie’s and mine (God only knows if that is correct english … me/mine/I) spoke to his IT solutions guy and he’s more than happy to sponsor a laptop. There’s a dance of joy in there somewhere.
I now have to climb in the car and explain to my dearest business partner that he treats me exactly like my father used to. Not loving any of them any less … just don’t test me the whole time. My dad used to know how he wanted to word something and then he would let me type out a whole document and stand over my shoulder and correct spelling (yes … I’m a writer who sucks at spelling) and correct sentence structures. Greggie is the son of an English teacher … need I say more.
Today I told Greg that I’m missing my dad more than I have in a very long time. He told me that it’s because I’m doing so many new things and this is when anyone would need a father figure most of all. In so many ways Greg doesn’t allow for that co dependance of fathering but in another breathe, my father may as well have been alive and bugging the crap out of me while doing a quote that is supposed to be very exciting.
So I’m being a brat and I don’t care if I can’t leave for dinner on time … I’m getting this blog done. The only frustrating this is that it’s done …. with 10 minutes to spare and enough time to put on my lipstick!
PS … I didn’t tell you that a while back I committed to do work for a company for a certain amount of time (at no cost) to prove to them that social networking actually works. I’m now so pissed off at myself for thinking so little of me and my talents that I’m in this situation. On the other hand … I stick to my commitments and I’m in a state that I didn’t get to do as much networking as I would have liked! So truth be told … it’s not really aimed at the A that flies off the keyboard all the time, or my best friend and business partner that only trying to help me or the memory of my dad that would be saying “I told you so”.
It’s all aimed at me and ‘project me’ is supposed to fix it by telling my truth (hence the ratty blog), being conscious (hence the ratty blog) and doing something different (hence ending this blog, putting on lipstick and going out to see my friend). All in all, I didn’t fail as much as I feel I did and by tomorrow I will realise that I didn’t fail at all!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published May 5th, 2011
Since I started blogging I’m very proud of the way I have managed to feel my way around things and get a grip on other things. I’ve been feeling around in the dark and learning the power of swapping favours and saying the right things at the right time … you know I’m talking about my wordpress blog, right?
Ok, there’s been a little feeling other things in the dark but that’s for a totally different converstation. Today it’s about the little things in life that are frustrating the hell out of me.
Here’s a reminder that I’m not in the positivity movement and don’t have to pretend that everything in life is peachy just in case I attract something negative while uttering my truth. I’m also not into thinking that speaking the frustrations makes me a miserable person. If anything, I admit my truths and do something about them!
How did this all come about? Well it’s a toss up between the “A” falling off of my keyboard this morning and it wobbling around while I type right now and the annoying call I keep getting from a certain guy who thinks sweeping things under the carpet works for me.
But most of all … it’s the SNL I can’t get rid of on my freaking blog. You can see it, right? It’s glaringly obvious, just under the Tweet button and it’s been there ever since I loaded the newest Facebook plugin. Don’t tell me to remove it because it took me ages to find a button that actually did what I want to do. Don’t tell me to get someone to help because I’m slowly learning that, no matter how much someone loves or cares about you, it’s always a mission to do that one little thing. Don’t tell me to pay someone because right now, it would have to go to the other kind of SNL as a payment exchange.
It’s always those little things that I end up wasting precious time over. So I’m annoyed. I’m annoyed that A’s pop off, SNL’s don’t go away and that friends and boys don’t think.
Friends don’t think that the only thing anyone wants is truth. Ok, all that I want is the truth. I don’t care about many other qualities besides that truth because my most valued asset is the power to choose and it’s impossible to choose from a lie.
The oldest line in the book is: “I didn’t want to hurt you!” The only thing that ever hurts someone is knowing that a friend lied to them. The truth does something different … it gives everyone the option to decide if they want to be hurt or not. So my friend kept something from me because he said he knew it would hurt me. It did hurt me but hearing via the grapevine pissed me off.
I’m this girl who truly doesn’t get the point of not just saying the truth. There really is no other option but what you really think or really mean … is there? Am I that naive?
You don’t even have to sit there and think it’s so easy for me because every day I fight things that could truly perpetuate lies. I’m tempted by someone who is in a relationship and that would make for another real SNL scenario, but this is always my benchmark in my life. If I can’t tell my best friend … and now, if I can’t blog about it, them I’m out of my integrity. Yes, I could tell my best friend that I was having an affair and we could both rationalise it that I’m single so I’m not the once cheating … but the bottom line for me is truth. If I can’t tell the truth at a party or I have to keep a secret in case the truth leaks out, then I just don’t do it. Oh … so I think I’ve spoken about boys and friends here.
Don’t lie to me and don’t make me lie … it’s as simple as that! And when I carry that around with me while trying to get A’s back on keyboards and SNL’s off wordpress blogs … well then the littlest thing just pisses me off!
PS … loving my day! Loving the sunshine on a winter morning! Loving me! Loving you! … So don’t anyone tell me to fix my attitude or think positive thoughts … ok? Good … seriously, I do love you!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published March 18th, 2011
It’s no secret that this girl loves to social network in the comfort of my own little space in my cyber world and it’s undeniable that my plan is working fabulously and that social networking and I are very cozy bosom buddies. It’s also a no-brainer that something had to shift if the magical fairies of manifestation are going to turn my dreams into a reality. That’s always the one part of manifestation that I trip over, stub my toes and burst out crying over … the do something different/face your fears part. Trust me, I’ve tried to invoke a miracle and defy the laws of attraction, but here I sit with a failed yet grateful for my failure story to tell.
I always say it: Throw me in front of a crowd and I am all confidence and not faking a single moment of me. Send me out into the world alone and I become the little girl, Jodene, who I don’t remember as being very brave at all. I mean, really, take away all of the cuteness (oh good, you can see it too) and I don’t see much oozy confidence in that little girl face.
At Lifeology we recommend that you do one thing each day that scares you. One thing … not days on end with scary, out of comfort zone events. Well that’s been my last few days. Traveling alone totally scares me. Horrid clouds that shake a plane silly, hopelessly scares me. Talking to strange men on non-escapable airplanes intimidates me a little (or a little more than a little). Being stranded in an airport not knowing why the plane isn’t in the sky is up there with things that unsettle me. Do I sound like a woos right about now?
Lucky for me, the things that usually freak people out is the stuff that doesn’t freak me at all. Now that I’ve given myself and my ego that little save, I can mention one more thing that I absolutely HATE doing on my own. Drum roll please … I HATE arriving at places on my own. I can go to a movie by myself and shop for ages all alone and even take myself out to dinner, but don’t make me arrive at a function all by myself. Yuk! Yes … I said Yuk!!
So after returning from Cape Town after being stranded in the airport and then thrown around the sky wall sitting next to a strange man who was offering to buy me wine … I had a ladies networking event to attend. This would be easy … phone a friend and don’t go alone. The one bit of bravery thing was done hours ago and I expected the rest of the day to go my way. I can picture the manifestation fairies chuckling at me, constantly.
It was supposed to be easy … call Hustler Girl. Right, she was busy. Beg little sis who looked hagged after a seriously hard day’s work (I tried not to care, trust me). Beg mother … ok, that was going nowhere. Sulk for 10 minutes that you business partner and best friend (same person) is a male. A cute male would look great in drag, but still a no-can-do for the networking event.
Sulk for another 5 minutes. I tried to convince myself that the airport and airplane saga was too much for me, but we all know I’m not much of a quitter … so I put on the war-paint and my big girl panties and headed to the networking event.
If you say I told you so, (not mentioning any names … Greg Arthur or a certain Robbie) you shall consider yourself unspoken to for at least 24 hours.
I will let The Venus Networks introduce itself: An on-going collaboration between brands and a group of carefully selected women, designed to ensure that the products and brands that women buy, and the information they receive, fit into their world, not the other way around.
It’s undeniable, I’m a Venus Girl and pretty damn thrilled at myself for facing the dozenth fear for the day and attending the networking function on my own. I always say that The Universe rewards bravery and my reward was being surrounded by an unbelievable crowd of inspirational women. We all had the same goal in mind … FUN of course! It was great to just be girls … girls with ideas, dreams, aspirations, visions and very big plans. You need three things when women network … food, champagne and a pen. In this era of technology don’t think any of us whipped out our Blackberry’s or find them for that matter. Thank heavens for the good old fashioned business card and some very smart Venus ideas that are only conjured up by networking women.
They say it only takes one and this was it. The one! The one moment that broke a little more shackles that tie me to the world of online networking and throws me out into the world for another very powerful form of social networking. A ‘project me’ moment of great self pride and the reward of meeting new and reconnection with familiar empowering women who are all The Venus Networks.
A special thank you to the ladies of the diligo online fashion shop for a great night, an instant connection, immediate social plans and a great concept!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published March 15th, 2011
My skin’s gone a little south from stress and a little too much of the unhealthy yet comforting food. I have fallen off the enthusiasm bus of my daily walks. I have forgotten all I taught myself about eating consciously.
I haven’t meditated for entire time I have lived with my mom. I have done one moon ritual and cleaned my crystals maybe twice.
Of all the emotions I feel, fear is at the top of the list. It’s only one fear. The fear that these parts of me will never find balance and I will spend my life starting and stopping my routines, rituals and even my beliefs. Yes … sometimes my very foundation of belief falls by the wayside.
Yesterday was Monday. No matter what happens, Greggie and I go out for lunch on a Monday. No matter how stressful, financially strapped or miserable the moment … we always have our Monday.
Just over ten years ago My Hero died. At that time I had a very special connection to a Rabbi who was my teacher. He taught me a morning prayer and I adapted it to suit my beliefs. In the beginning I might have forgotten a few times and it took a while to decide the exact wording and timing, but for 10 years, no matter what, I say that morning prayer.
After going to Dan Hugo for body stress release therapy after I injured my back, he showed me morning exercises. He explained to me how they needed to be done first thing in the morning before I even got out of bed. No matter how I wake up feeling. No matter the fact that I can’t drag myself to gym. No matter what … I do those core exercises every single morning.
It’s easy for me to list the things that I let myself down with. And I know there has been a lot about this over the past few weeks, but admitting the truth is one of the toughest gifts we can ever give ourselves. Then … all of a sudden … there is that moment where the light shines through all the truths that had to be heard. My light where the things I started to notice I do … no matter what.
Some of those are beliefs, some of them are routine and some of them are ritual. The very things I fear I will never master in other areas of my life.
Currently, I am living on a construction site and half of my family home is packed up in boxes. Every day we get rid of another thing that belonged to my father. I am overwhelmed with excitement to have my own room and set up my alter after nearly 2 years. Do you think I could cut myself some slack?
I haven’t been and I wouldn’t have unless I hadn’t of woken up this morning and thought: “It’s Tuesday and no matter what, I have my Tuesday plans.” No matter what, my mom, Greggie and I meet on a Tuesday. We speak our realisations of the week that has passed, (I usually cry) and we help each other find the good, the conscious and the brave in the days gone by.
Moving is stressful and I am only beginning to realise just how powerful that realisation is. So, I’ve dragged myself into a little girl comfort zone while I wait to be settled into my new and sacred space. But one thing I never have to worry about is that, no matter what, I WILL always do what is best for me. No matter what, I have routine and ritual that I have sustained for over a decade. Those very routines that I never had before and that I will never live without after.
It’s amazing the gift you give yourself when you look back and see just how far you have come. Don’t believe them when they say ‘never look back’ because, no matter what, there are gift waiting to become your pillar of strength from the realisations of yesterday.
PS … that’s going in the ‘project me’ manual!!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
