It’s Sunday and winter is heading in so I’m in one of my favourite spaces where I get to cook for my friends … yay! There will be a lot of that and I might even share a few recipes along the way.
There is something magical about winter for me even though I do bitch and moan about the cold quite a bit. Ok … a lot! So Tigger slippers are out, winter jimmy jams are at the front of the cupboard and the extra thick duvet is on the bed.
I’m not the best red wine drinker but I put my big girl panties on for winter and slowly drink my way in … all starting with Friday night ‘s glass and a half and a Saturday of anticipation for cheesy pizza, cheesy movies and the settlling in of winter wine.
Nothing ever goes as planned, even when big announcements are splashed all over Twitter and Facebook. I think my most favoured ‘project me’ moment that I discovered last night is that I don’t handle disappointment as badly as I thought. I was far less dramatic when we realised that the Spaceballs disk was not actually in the box. Well, disk two was there but that has all the makings of the movies and not the movie itself. Sigh … what is a Spaceballs and pizza movie night without Spaceballs. It turns into a search to find Nemo.
There sat 3 grown-ups with pizza, wine and one of the funniest and lesson filled Disney movies of all time.
You are never too old for Disney and certainly never too young to understand the messages of bravery and courage from a little orange fish and a certain Dory.
Between work, men and friends I am battling a little with staying within my own boundaries and putting myself first. These things have a knack for making me question my own choices and reminding myself that the whole point of ‘project me’ is to do only what is good for me and not let anyone shake my foundation of knowing.
I had this very discussion with someone on Twitter last night and although he loved my responses to his curious questions he did tell me that learning to know one’s self if the most daunting of choices. He said he was sure that it was because people were afraid of what they would find and I don’t think we would find anything less than the full potential of who we truly are … if a little blue fish can do it, then why can’t we?
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Well, where does such a happy girl begin to tell my story of a night that I don’t think I even dreamed of. Less than a handful of times I have flipped back to a blog entry in the past and been pleasantly surprised at how far I have come, but in the months or years to come, when I read about my Thursday 7th April, 2011 and I say that it was the day I became a party girl.
I have my 20 year high school reunion in September and I have been dreading it for 20 years, now all of a sudden I can’t wait. There’s been loads of joking around that I still need to rent a date, but for the rest, I’m so proud that this nerdy girl with glasses and braces has blossomed into the confident and ‘O’ girl that I was last night.
While my team of Organic O ladies were doing their thing in Cape Town at Boston T for the launch of the club, I was at my first Thursday Club giving away an exciting prize to a lucky lady.
It’s been interesting for my personality to have the utmost of faith in the ladies who are all the way down in Cape Town and representing Lifeology‘s product. Yet at the same time, it’s never been easier to trust at the same time. It must be a huge struggle to wake up one day and have a new boss with a whole different plan and direction to what has been going on in their lives. We magically pulled off being ready for that event, even though my personality did feel a little frazzled by the time I had to get dressed and ready for the Thursday club.
There is something to be said for the brilliant man behind this particular Thursday club concept. It does go without saying that he is one of my dear friends, but I’m not being bias, I promise … okay, maybe a little. I love that he throws us out into the wonderment of Johannesburg and had us make our way to the center of Braamfontein. Now for anyone who lives in Jozi, you will do a little ‘gulp’ or ‘eye roll’ at the thought of going to a part of town that has been considered dodgy for a long time. That didn’t stop Greggie, Twinkletoes, Hustler Girl and me from jumping in the car and heading out into the depths of the ‘new’ Braamfortein.
To say I was pleasantly surprised was an understatement and arriving at The Hotel Lamunu where even the security guard gave us some history of the hotel. It’s gorgeous! There I was in a hidden treasure with a Lifeology prize to give away and frozen margarita in my hand. What more could I ask for?
I don’t need to flip a few days back in this blog to see how life can turn around in the blink of an eye. I just hope that I’m never asked on the Ellen show how I did it … I will have to honestly say “just keep swimming”. There’s nothing profound and nothing very spectacular that would create a new self help book on how to succeed. It’s seriously just clinging to your dreams for dear life, believing in yourself with everything you have and crying whenever you damn well feel like it.
I’m patiently waiting to hear from my ladies in Cape Town, but from the Facebook status’s at about 3am, I think that might take a while. I have already received an email this morning, offering me a venue to do an Organic O talk and last night Hotel Lamunu generously offered me their incredible space to host a party … get those diaries out, there’s lots going down!!
Of course, amongst it all is the everyday personal stuff and mine is filled with lots of mixed emotions. Last night I had a friend not show at the function, which left me a little disillusioned and trying hard not to tell myself that all men are the same. On the other hand, we ended up meeting the most fabulous crowd of people and within moments Blackberry pins were being swapped, Facebook friends made and dinners being planned.
After the function I arrived home to a new member of the family. Mommy had snuck out and found a little brother for Saphirah. He is a beautiful kitty who we have named Eragon. The only problem is that Saphirah currently hates his guts. My mothering nature battled though the night knowing that Eragon was spread out on the bed, purring away and feeling very lucky to have been saved from a kitty home. I thought Saphirah (who was also saved from a home) would have settled down but she didn’t eat or drink and spent the whole night on the cold window ledge. Let’s hope that the friendship blossoms because wow, it ain’t much fun right now.
Tonight is a very exciting Lifeology meeting at our new home. We are looking into the future of Organic O and I can’t wait. On the other hand, today would have been my dad’s 70th birthday and I’m hoping that my sisters and brother understand the support my mom is to me and why we can’t all have dinner as a family tonight. I can only speak for my relationship with my dad and I know he couldn’t think of a better way for me to honour his memory.
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
There’s a picture of me as a little girl, pulling a face just like this. I remember the day clearly. My father was teasing me and then wanted to take pictures before we went to school. Too late, he had laughed at me … I was sulking until the cows came home.
Don’t laugh at me!
Well that’s not entirely true … don’t laugh at things that I am struggling with. Yes, this goes out to my mom who does her best to try make light of it and throws fuel on my spitting fire or self sabotage. When my back was at it’s worst she would see the funny side and I would feel like a burden. Now she’s laughing that we are sharing a house and she is going to lock herself in her bedroom when boys come over … so no I feel like a burden. It’s bullshit, I know and there are a million reasons to laugh at the very situations that are there to serve me well, so it’s not your fault mom. Don’t go changing anything … keep making fun of life until I catch a wake up and see the gift in it.
It came about when my very dear friend, Twinkletoes, plastered over Facebook that he was going to crap on me for not telling him personally about the house. He always calls me about anything exciting before he splashes it on Facebook and I failed to do the same. That’s because there are a few things about me that even my closest at heart don’t know.
Greggie has a glimmer of understanding and jumped in to explain to Twinkletoes why I am not gushy over the house or the boy. I can vaguely remember what he said but it settled my guilt a little and gave me time to regroup and not be nasty to myself.
There are things we need to understand about ourselves in order to express them to the ones we love and then there are things we need to understand about ourselves in order to decide if we need to do some changing or not.
The sulking I can work on. Actually I need to pull myself together and live a little more of my ‘project me’ lesson … the sense of humour part in courage, consciousness and a sense of humour.
The inability to express myself when I’m unsure of how I feel about a situation or a place or a thing … well that I need to explain to the ones I love because that internal time with myself is very important. If I force myself to communicate I’m going to lose that time with myself and in all honesty I make so little time for myself.
That’s another side of me that no one really knows except for my noisy mind and me. Carly Simon sings a song that says “I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me!”
Being conscious every day and telling yourself the truth the way that ‘project me’, my journey of self discovery and my Tuesday nights does, is bound to open the pandora’s box of self awareness. Trust me … there are days that is sucks big time and I literally sulk. Don’t talk to me, don’t try make me smile, don’t tell me things will be okay because I know that! Just piss off and leave me alone.
That’s another things I have slowly had to explain to my friends. I’m not afraid that I will fail, I might get frightened of things I have to do but I take it on anyway. I don’t cower away from the truth but it stings like a bitch and I want to ring a friends neck when they say everything is going to be okay. Don’t stop saying it, because once again its stuff I have to pull myself together about.
When Bipolar ran me through her suicide attempt I sat there with a mouth full of teeth and the only thing I wanted to say was ‘well done my brave friend’, but she knows that. She knows how well she’s done. I didn’t make the silence any easier and I can imagine my friends going through the same thing when I express my fear or crisis but know I will get over it in the end. Anything they say comes from a loving place and I need to learn to understand that and accept it.
So thanks to my my precious mom who tries to make light of my crisis and my friends who just want to share in my excitement or my other friends who only want to make me feel a little better in any way they can.
I can’t guarantee that I’m not going to sulk … coz it’s kinda cute in my own personal opinion
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
I’m thinking it’s going to be one of those days.
Waking up to the wild antics of a kitten that looks like she should have been named after a princess is my own fault … I never should have named her after a mischievous dragon. It would have been cute were I not coming down from the sugar rush of a lifetime.
Or is it that I’m finally building a healthy enough relationship with my body that I can feel the impact of food on my entire system?
Of course I blame Hustler Girl and in her comment she is going to blame me in return. The bottom line is that our little binge of what we thought was a well deserved ‘cheat’ meal left me learning things about myself that my poor sugar levels have been trying to learn for years. My body only wants to be fed certain things. My body doesn’t like too much refined, oily, sugary stuff that we are used to eating every day.
When I was little one of my favourite things to do was play with a yo-yo. I can’t tell you how many I had but one of my best ones had a face on it and I used to imagine that is was a person getting all dizzy as I twirled and spun it. You know that eeeeewww feeling? Well I had that from the moment my sugar spiked for the first time. Hmmm … lesson learned!
But wait, there’s more … sugar that is!! Don’t those biscuity things with the yummy strawberry begging to be eaten just look scrumptious? I didn’t realise the invitation to The Venus Network for some fun and a product research workshop for South Africa’s Tea Lovers biscuits would include an array of delicious treats made from the biscuits … naive, I know!
So we all know just how engrossed in online networking I am. I’ve mentioned for long enough how I can mingle anywhere online but don’t like arriving at venues on my own. Let’s not forget that if you spin me around I’m lost. It was also time to meet a ‘stranger’ that I’ve only been communicating with via every other means possible except face to face. I’ve had a few ‘project me’ stories of connecting with someone and chatting for ages only to never speak again after the actual meeting. This person is really sweet and I don’t want them to go away … so the combination of all of this was like a sugar rush all on it’s own.
I liked it … all of it … the personal social networking. Spending time at the gorgeous venue, Life on 3rd in Mellville and putting a gentle face to a very special voice. On that note, it’s a great thank you to Life on 3rd for the absolutely delicious sweet treats that were all made with Tea Lovers biscuits. If I didn’t stress about a potential sugar coma, I would have indulged a tad more.
I also discovered that I quite like tapping into another creative side of myself. Yes, words flow like water with me but when we were presented with cardboard, crayons, pencils and magazines and asked to be artistically creative, I panicked a little. I can write what I think, but to draw it … that’s not me! Or is it??? Maybe the sugary experience that thrust me into the unfamiliar world of creativity sparked a little more confidence in a few more areas of possibility. Don’t panic … I’m not about to try and sketch a Monet.
I met a super interesting woman there and we were Facebook friends before we walked out the door. When you realise you have 4 friends in common and 3 of them are from a dating site, you know that the world is but an oyster shell. Of course they would have to include both Mr Big and The Jock. I saw The Jock yesterday so I know he’s alive and well, but I haven’t heard from Mr Big since the day we decided to ‘end it’ but stay friends. I can feel my sugars rising just thinking about the 6 months that have passed since he made any contact. Admittedly, I have been worried about him because there hasn’t even be any activity on his Facebook since last year. No … I’m not stalking him, exactly! Imagine my surprise when I received a message from him less than 10 minutes after I made a new friend. My initial reaction was relief that he’s alive but then the rest of the emotions came gushing in. The curiosity is killing him … How do I know this woman we now have in common? How is the house hunting? How am I liking my new hair colour? Am I married yet?? … The down side of social networking … but then again it is my choice to announce all of these things for the world to see. Oh shit … I blog daily too! Right, nothing to hide!
So I learned he’s alive and well and that was good enough for me. I chose not to write back, just like I chose not to poke Text Guy back and I chose not to go down any repeated road with The Jock.
Despite the fact that I feel like hell today and am now in a state that I pushed my body over the edge and have diabetes as of this moment on, I had some of the most fun, special and empowering moments all thanks to a shit load of sugar!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Today’s post was supposed to be entitled Laugh, cry, sigh, ice cream! I have been anticipating blogging all day and have so much to share with you about yesterday but it’s another day in South Africa.
If you are anywhere else in the world that might need a little explaining. The weather is perfect and I am sitting in the gorgeous apartment of my dearest friend, Twinkletoes.
The African kicker though is that my electricity at home went off just after 10pm last night. The not having electricity part is pretty normal, but for it to be off for so many hours is now just pathetic (oooh, I think I just ranted for the first time on my blog!) So mom and I were rescued by Twinkletoes who fetches us and plugged everything in at his quaint apartment. Blackberry’s and laptops are all charging … hallelujah!! Unless something very exciting happens in the short few hours left of the day I might not have much to blog about tomorrow because no electricity and offline for hours doesn’t generate much news.
Yesterday was a different story though. It was jam packed with emotion, events and project me moments. Now that the builders have moved onto the property the wake up call is the sound of banging, crashing and workmen shouting instructions to each other. Now I’m up earlier, but with all the exciting plans I don’t seem to be minding all that much. Once I’ve finished blogging in the morning I find I have time for a whole lot of other ideas to flow and am getting more comfortable with the routine that doesn’t have to revolve around the blog. I can’t believe how much of a role the blog is now playing in the business and it’s been an incredible exercise to prepare press packs, work so closely with my stats and brainstorm ideas to turn the blog into a stable income for the business. Yesterday will filled with a new concept that we are working on and I can’t wait for the big reveal. It’s just a little difficult to hold onto that excitement when the home that my father built for us is being torn down around me. All my boxes that have been in storage don’t have space there anymore and now I see them being left hanging around the entrance, shoved into cupboards and piled up on the outside patio! Talks of how, where and when of the move are also weighing on me and I keep on having to drag my mind back to the excitement and enthusiasm of the day. That’s why I Tweeted and Facebooked that no matter what the priorities of the day where, ice cream was the order of the day.
Twinkletoes came to the rescue again and we threw together an impromptu dinner where the food was just a sideline for the big ice cream finale. I always say that ice cream can solve the world’s problems and my theory was pretty much proved right last night. I don’t hold many elements of shame still, thanks to all the ‘project me’ work I have done one myself. However, living with my mom is something I seem to still battle with.
Because of this I haven’t had many friends over in the year and a half I have been home and then created chaos by stressing that I don’t want to move with my mother in the next few months. I don’t have any private space and this isn’t great for a single 30-something year old girl with needs and a sponsor who owns an adult store. My friends are very open and we always end up getting completely inappropriate when we get together. No, we don’t strip down naked in front of each other, but we do share stories about who we stripped down naked in front of.
When I live alone my home is very open and I have lost a lot of that since moving back to my mom (for all the right reasons!) Last night everything changed though … there Twinkletoes, Greggie, my mom and I had dinner together. I gave myself a pep talk in the morning and decided to get over my crap and ask them for dinner. I didn’t invite my brother or sister to the table even though they live there and I battled with that too. Yet, we ended up having one of the best nights I have had in years. There was nothing my friends couldn’t say in front of my mom and the whole time I was wondering why I shouldn’t have done this years ago? That settled my mind instantly and I feel chilled that I will be able to move with my mom. We are more like friends now and there is no part of me that is disrespectful, so what the hell have I been carrying on about?
If you’ve been following my blog you will also know that it’s not like I choose to share my space with fleeting shags either. I realised something else last night. While the candles were lit, the dinner was prefect and the ice cream was served fit for a king, I repeated the thing that I always say: “Whoever gets me will be very lucky!” For the first time I understood what I was saying. I wasn’t asking myself where this person in my life is. I was stating that he’s out there and wondering why I just haven’t let him in yet? No pressure of course … but maybe it’s time to think about just how powerful I am!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
I love them … from the depths of my very soul I do. I couldn’t ask for better friends, but their judgement of photographs for the world to see are much to be desired. I mean really … it’s one thing to mindlessly add the pics to Facebook but there’s no excuse when the time has been taken to tag them. Do no bells go off in their heads that chime of pointlessness, or worse … Jodene has a reputation-ness?
And with that … here are some of the finest moments when I have gone “WTF … oh, of course, only (insert name) would post such a #$&% pic!!
Exhibit A:
Let’s begin with the picture that caused all the stir shall we? This one was taken by precious Twinkletoes who is completely rigid about what pics of him find their way to Facebook! But nooooo … the ‘I’m a Lady, I do Lady things’ face is absolutely horrific!
Well didn’t this one just totally cause a stir with an equally inappropriate caption. Yes, that is my kneeling in front of a very dear male friend of mine. No, I wasn’t demonstrating talents … in actual fact, I was crouching and clenching with all my might to not pee from laughing … what’s worse, right?
Here’s the first of the “what’s the point” ones. I mean seriously? Yes, it’s me … not only do I look as though I have fallen down the back of the couch, I managed to cover the rest of me with my very own hand. This is the work of Greggie who doesn’t notice anyone else when he’s in the pic because he always look FABULOUS!
This is Hustler Girl’s photographical skills. It looks as though I’m being drawn into the light .. don’t look into the light Jodene, don’t look into the light!
Can you see me? No seriously, can you see me? Yes, I was tagged … foot in face and all
And then of course, no matter how badly your friends represent you … your family always take the cake. Yep, I’m the scrawny one with the glasses! Thanks sis
On a little ‘project me’ note, there are very few pics of me until the year before I made ‘project me’ public. It has taken months of hard work to see my beauty, deal with my body issues and post pics for the world to see. Over the last few months I have been totally chilled about the pics my friends put on Facebook and tag me in … because this is me! If you have been following this blog for a while and you know all the bitching and crying over pics, you will know just how very far I have come.
This is a celebration of the love I feel my friends and family feel for me and the beauty they see in the precious moments they catch me not posing! Thanks to each of you for your horrific pics of me and for helping me see the beauty in them!
Lastly … In my new found boldness I posted a long awaited Organic Orgasm blog post today, entitled Saving your sex drive when stress and health gets in the way http://tinyurl.com/6bmazaj. I got a little more personal and it took bravery, but thanks to Hustler Girl and Greggie for all the support as I follow my dreams and let my voice be heard in the world! One kick from each of you in the butt and I pressed ‘publish’!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour






























