Jodene is the co-founder of:
and founder of:
Published June 8th, 2011
With DJ Fresh at the #TBD
It’s another awesome day in Cape Town and I’m thrilled to be sitting indoors and avoiding being blown away by a wind that this Jozi girl seriously is not used to. I’m clinging to my handbag that is big enough to fit a laptop into and wondering if it’s going to pick up speed and carry me away. I hear the weather in Jozi is no better and now I’m beginning to understand why there is so much back and forth complaining about who moans more about the weather. At this point, the competition is stiff between Jozi and Cape Town.
It’s one thing to be blown away by a gust of wind, but another by the overwhelming things that are beginning to happen with ‘project me’ on a personal level and with the blog. We all know that when something very exciting happens I immediately want to cry and the past few days have been filled with moments like that.
I began blogging because a movie inspired me to, but more than that, I wanted to show people that it is possible to live in truth, integrity and to make dreams a reality even when I wasn’t sure if it were truly possible myself. The whole point of being goalless but purposeful is proved more and more each day because where I thought I would be and where I am are world apart. Honestly, I’m much happier with where I am than where I dreamed of being. The purpose hasn’t changed at all and my voice is being heard while I prove that what we teach through Lifeology can be achieved.
Yes, I’m still freaking out about money, but hanging onto those dreams through financial pressure might be the greatest lesson of all. Putting all financial drama aside, I have to say that I think I have had the most mind blowing couple of days where the power of social networking takes my breath away.
It was an honour to be involved in the Twitter Blanket Drive in Jozi and that is getting a special blog after a few more incredible blanket donations are complete. More than that, I couldn’t believe how many people read my blog and were following me on Twitter. It might not seem like a big thing, but people aren’t great at commenting on blogs and sometimes I feel as though it might be sitting in a studio at a radio station. You never quite know who is listening and I’m sure every DJ has at least one moment of feeling as though they are talking to themselves.
I had a few people who wanted to meet me and in return there are always going to be people that I want to meet in exchange. I had those moments too. I Tweet and blog because I love it and I chat to people who inspire and motivate me, so it’s mind blowing to finally acknowledge that I have that impact on the world.
My little milestone was being followed back by DJ Fresh. Not because I’m a groupie, but because I have plans to get as many people sharing and living their ‘project me’ story that an awesomely powerful voice sure will get a little extra wind in my sail. There are celebs and then there are those who I believe do things from the heart. I have started to wonder whether people will think I have any hidden motives besides just spreading the power of ‘project me’. I guess it goes with the territory, but it was refreshing to see a man with such a following and the most down to earth spirit … I needed that! Now to get Fresh to tell his ‘project me’ story for us and trust me, I’m working on that.
The hugest thank you goes to Fred Felton, who I met on Twitter and feel as though we have been friends for years. Fred also did a blog post on the Twitter Blanket Drive and the power of social networking and I got a mention that was so good for the esteem.
I can’t believe what Cape Town has been like. Greggie and I arrived here with an empty calendar and the determination to make this trip as productive as possible … and wow it has been.
All through the power of Twitter and Facebook, we have had meetings and exciting things happen. Business opportunities have sprung from a Tweet and no one has to whip out their diaries and only see you in a week’s time. I’m loving the energy of Cape Town and am grateful that I don’t think I would cope with the wind or I might have moments of not wanting to go home.
Of all the wind sailing moments, mine came this morning when ‘project me’ stats did something I have been waiting for since about November last year. I had one day where my daily visits hit about 810 and I thought they would just keep climbing with ease, but they settled into around the 650 per day figures. I always stress when I am away from my laptop and am only learning that I don’t have to retweet my posts like a nut, because people are finally reading my blog because they want to. Today I woke up to 1068 visits for yesterday and I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am.
I never started blogging for any of this. I started it because I wasn’t finding that I could stick to what I was teaching and when I watched Julie and Julia I had a brainwave. Never did I think that Social Networking would become an avenue of my career … so I hope you aren’t thinking about where you are going, but are focusing on why you are choosing what you are at this very moment. The reason should be no more than making sure you are having fun, living in your truth and with purpose!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published May 25th, 2011
It’s one of those days I didn’t dream about and that’s what makes it all the more incredible.
It was my first interview as a blogger! Okay, casting my mind back, I’m pretty certain that it was my first interview … period! Well a face to face one with that little dictaphone and a journalist asking me questions that the world wants to know the answers to. Well, my world at least.
One of the questions that Lindsey Kin of Media Update asked me was, how do I decide what to blog about each day?
It’s the significant moments. The ones that jump out as a time when I’ve had to go into ‘project me’ mode and either tell my truth, face my reality, laugh at the moment or be conscious and grateful.
With that in mind, my day was filled with two of those moments.
The morning was abuzz with ‘project body’ phone calls and emails. I had to call my friend, The Gossip Guy for a little pep talk on actually telling the world that I’m fabulous because he knows the difference between confidence and arrogance. That done, I finally got brave and damn well called the personal trainer that I contacted just after I was given clearance to get back to gym … In MARCH! I though I would have to re-introduce myself to him, but instead he picked up the call and said, “Hi Jode, where have you been? Not in my water aerobics class, I see!”
Yes, yes … I hate gym! Well, actually … I’m scared of it! It’s because I have no idea what moderation is and usually end up breaking my body when unsupervised. After hearing my idea for ‘project body’, he’s keen to sponsor me with a few personal training session in the pool (because my back is safest exercising in water) and monitoring my weight loss and body fat, measurements … blah, blah! I’m even more excited that Niel from Slimlab is joining me in potential sponsor’s meeting and has proven to be an unbelievable support along a very scary road.
Now I”m on a mission to get a little more media exposure and Niel was a great help there too … even though he told me that all he had to do was Google. Hey, if I don’t have a PA yet, a little damsel in distress can be faked once in a while.
Driving to the interview was fun, considering I had to break it to Greggie that I double booked Monday morning because my diary is on the Blackberry and I’m scared to sync it with the laptop because things get triple booked … so when I’m on the phone I don’t know what’s happening in the dairy and … well … do you think I’m kidding about the PA?
I loved the interview questions, but we never escape the voice of the low esteem that has to be mean at the most crucial moments. Mine always says the same thing: “You talk too much!” I never give myself a hard time about talking nonsense or making no sense. I’m always mean to me when I think I could have said all of that in half the time. I said it anyway and in true Jodene style, even had a moment to shed a tear.
I love knowing that what I do is unique enough to not be able to pull 10 questions out a hat, but do know that one questions is always going to come up: “What do I do in my spare time?”
Cook!
I swear … I could think of nothing else but spending time with my friends and family and cooking … a lot of cooking! Do I need to get a life? Do I need to tell the low esteem to shut up and go into all the little details of what I do like … oh wait, I also said listen to country music. Does that count against me? Only a smattering of followers in the US will be thrilled about that answer, but most of SA will roll their eyes. Don’t make me take up knitting or sky diving. The other option is that word will spread that my stand answer will be, “I cook!” and all future journalists will know to avoid that one … damn I hope so!
Of course, the question does make me lonely! Don’t get me wrong … I love living with mom, the 2 kitties and the parrot. I would, however, love to say that my spare time was spent with a special man driving around SA and seeing all the incredible places our Country has to offer. That was my dad’s dream and we used to laugh at him. He wanted to buy a caravan and drive the whole of Africa … it never sounded tempting until after he was gone and we didn’t have the luxury of seeing the Africa through his beautiful stories and memories.
Well on that very exciting note and with a huge thank you to the team at Newsclip for finding my ‘project me’ journey newsworthy … I’m off to cook for friends! Another defining day with priceless ‘project me’ blogging moments and a great reason to blog!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published May 20th, 2011
Remember when I received the letter from my friend in Holland and it will filled with flavoured condoms that you don’t get in SA? Well if tomorrow really is the end of the world and I didn’t get to taste the cola flavoured one, I’m really gonna be pissed off. I did contemplate blowing it up like a balloon and … oh … I’ll leave you with the thought!
The bottom line is that I’ve spent my day having a giggle at my friends who have had their bucket lists on display or have been unfollowed on Facebook by making fun of tomorrow.
Me … what do I think?
Well, I’ve always made it clear that I don’t fall for the literal interpretations of anything that floats out there in the psyche of mankind. I don’t mock it either and I don’t ever try change other people’s beliefs or think anyone is loopy for what they believe in.
I’m just glad that I’m not freaking out that tomorrow could be the end of the world and a curious part of me is wondering what the people who believe are doing right now? I’m wondering what they are feeling now and what tomorrow is going to be like for them. I’m also wondering what it would be like if I’m totally wrong and I find myself in the leading roll of my own Armageddon.
I do have a belief though and this is it … our consciousness definitely is on the shift! I’m a firm believer that there are times in the universe where their are shifts. I believe they can be that great the the entire consciousness of the planet can change and that it’s visible to see. I don’t believe that you wake up and it’s different. I believe that it’s gradual and I believe that it is happening right now.
I’m watching my life, my friends and families lives and the state of the world and at some moments I do feel as though the end is nigh! I’ve had another very draining and trying day and in my own way I’ve had ends. It might not be the 21st, but my world as I know has shifted significantly.
Firstly, it’s not just me … I know that there have been network and technology glitches all day long. I don’t believe in coincidence so I’m going to pressure that the planets are doing their thing and our man made wires and microchips are hating it.
My dear friend, Nikki, can spot from a mile away when I’m not telling my whole truth in my blogs, but sometimes it’s so damn hard to share stuff while it’s so raw. I don’t want to upset anyone who might be reading it and who is personally involved and I don’t want to speak out of turn, but I always speak my truth as best as I can in the moment. On that note … I put a friendship down today. I don’t know what more to say than that at a point we realise that a person isn’t seeing us for who we really are. Today, I felt unseen and I can’t sustain a friendship like that. It made the day horrid. It made me unable to truly concentrate and didn’t make the (possible) last day of the world much fun!
I slept in my mom’s bed last night. I love living with my mom and we have the kitties floating around the house but I’m also as comfortable to close my door and hide away in my own space. I hope my lack of meditation doesn’t lower my chances of making till the 22nd of May because I’m still not in that ‘project me’ space to understand why I’m not doing what I love … meditating, doing my tantra exercise and moonlight rituals. It’s on the to-do list to work out if tomorrow has really been taken too literally. Last night I got home to my mom being worried about my sis who is going through her own rough time. The kitties were purring on the bed and I just didn’t want to leave. I felt like a little girl with a sore tummy who only wanted to sleep in her mommy’s bed. A big part is still this unexplained desperate missing of my dad right now. I’m thinking that, just in case tomorrow is the last day on this earth, I might just have another slumber party night with my mom and the kitties!
Once again, you can never be too sure so I’m super excited that Greggie is making seafood rissoto tonight and our friend, XXX, is making super yummy dessert!
Wherever you are … whatever you believe … I hope it’s you own belief and there is nothing to fear!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published April 19th, 2011
There is something that I am trying to figure out about my way of thinking that might be a little too unconscious at the moment. Yes, I do things like this and don’t think I can ever be faulted for thinking too much … except about the distracting things like money, which road to choose and boys. The other thinking is what creates on of Lifeology‘s greatest lessons in the mix of courage, consciousness and a sense of humour … that thing called consciousness. The silent observer of the self.
I don’t know where I would be without it because the past couple of days have been a fine line between the cup half full and the cup half empty. The only deciding factor is the consciousness to choose and I chose for it to be full. Since Sunday I have been chatting to a not-so-stranger who responded to a tweet where I was saying how very sad the word ‘settle’ is. He double checked that I meant ‘settle for’ and I agreed. Long story short … he thinks I have a refreshing attitude towards life. On some days I need those reassurances from a not-so-stranger and on other days I figure that out all by myself.
Yesterday was genuine swing between highs and lows that had that half cup swishing around like it was on the rough open seas. Extraordinary business opportunities battered around by extreme financial pressure. Unexplainable moments of creative genius smacked around by the realities of time frames.
It was the first night of the Jewish festival of passover … and this pagan girl loves the traditions but battles through the service that keeps repeating how people were slain by the mighty God. I never question what anyone believes but I just choose to believe different and expect that no one questions what I believe either.
My poor mom is horribly sick with flu, yet at the same time we were all waiting in anticipation for her cooking.
My family is magical at times like this, yet there is always the hovering of a little sibling rivalry.
The room is full with love and laughter yet it feels completely empty without the bellowing voice of my father.
And then little boys arrive with face painting pens and I remember why we are on this rocky ocean of life in the first place. A sedar table turned into human canvasses where everyone turned into giggling children as we were scribbled on with a unique picture from each precious little twin. Not bad drawing for a 5 year old … or is that just a super proud aunty?
I could say my day was crappy, but I could also say it was one of the most inspiring days I have had in years. I could look at the mess that a little boy created all over my skin or I could say that I was painted with a masterpiece.
I don’t believe that life ever goes without trials and tribulations. I don’t believe that we will ever have the power to protect ourselves from hurt or pain. I don’t believe that we will ever hit a plateau of happiness.
But I do believe that we will always have the power to colour it beautiful …
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published March 7th, 2011I can’t even think of a picture for today’s blog. I didn’t think I would be this exhausted but I’m sure it’s the relief.
It was one of those days that was all planned out with something I have been looking forward to for months. Between the seconds that Greg answered his cellphone and passed it to me with a hint of concern in his voice, my blood turned cold. Between the seconds that my mother said “he is alright, but …” countless fears raced through my mind.
My 5 year old nephew was hit by a car.
Because the toughest lesson in ‘project me’ is making everything about me, I’ll cut through the drama and say that my brave little nephew is fine and coming home in a few hours. There are countless miracles, like the fact that the accident happened in a cul-de-sac so the car was going extremely slowly and that my sister was at a party with friends who all jumped in to help her through the initial moments while ambulances arrived. She said there was a friends husband counting every minute and telling her how far the ambulance was, so the 5 minutes it took wasn’t really the 30 minutes she felt it was.
He has no broken bones and is only complaining of a sore hand. He looks as though he went 10 rounds in a street fight and he was kept overnight for observation but woke up with all symptom normal.
As for me, I also feel as though I have gone ten rounds in a fight, but it’s all been internal battles.
When Greggie met me, everything in my life was a hysterical drama and I couldn’t cope with anything that life sent me. I literally used to crumble into a heap and things would be so chaotic that no one could determine how bad the problem really was. Years of ‘project me’ … consciousness, facing my fears, telling the truth and realising my ability to cope with life, has bought me to the point of handling fear in a much more rational manner.
Yesterday was one of the biggest tests of how far I have come. Logic kicked in and so did the realisation that life will take its course and I will be able to choose from there. But there was nothing I could do until I had more information of was there to see my nephew for myself.
I still had to choose between carrying on the plans with my friends or going to the hospital. The only reason why I considered still seeing a concert I have been waiting to see for months is because you never quite know the extent of the crisis in my family. I say that with love, but for ages you sit with no information at all and after my mom said he was fine but … I decided to rather take it one second at a time.
I chose my family … but that’s a given.
One thing I can say is that we all pull together in times of need. We never leave each other’s side, but the same old family issues bubble under. My ‘project me’ moment was dealing with them instead of carrying both fear and frustration round with me on such an uncertain day. I can’t express how big a moment it was to finally have the courage to speak with conviction and not cause a family feud.
I did burst out crying after, but that felt good to.
I don’t want children. I say it often. It’s moments like yesterday, where I see the fear in my big sister’s eyes and this fragile little boy lying in a hospital bed that I admit to myself that I’m not cut out for it this time around. I salute every mommy and daddy and grandparent out there … but not me! My big sis even passed a giggling comment confirming that this was the final ‘not for me’ straw. She’s so right. It’s still another ‘project me’ moment despite it not being what people might understand. I have had dozens of people telling me it’s the greatest gift you can give yourself and you can’t go through life not being a parent. But yesterday I had moments of greatest gifts. Every day I have moments of greatest gifts.
I’m not a ‘what if’ girl! Neither am I a ‘it could have been’ girl. I don’t hash different scenarios in my head. He might have died, he could have been paralised … no, no … there’s no place for that in ‘project me’! It is what it is! There is enough to be grateful for without having to be grateful for all that did not happen. For some reason, this realisation did something very important within me.
I’ve blogged about it before, but in these moments I always get my mother’s most focused attention and simply say “Psalm 91″. The story is long but its impactful enough for me to have traced different patterns on writing on my arm for the tattoo that is simply going to say ‘psalm 91′! Without any could have’s or should have’s … yesterday I witnessed a miracle.
Actually … what moment in life isn’t a miracle?
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published March 4th, 2011
Project me is my daily blog that tells the story of my journey and all that can be achieved if we live each day with courage, consciousness and a sense of humour.
However, there is more than just my story to tell. Project me has become a place where people touch reality and see that challenges, burdens, emotional strain, heartache and damaged esteem can be embraced. It is a place where they know that if I can do it then they can do it too. In a world filled with quick fixes and enough self help books to cover the entire planet, people are finally searching for the truth that does not contain a magic formula.
You have that story to tell too. You walk amongst so many who have been told about the power of possibility but who don’t know how to breathe life into their potential. We are all born with limitless possibility and with a deeply hidden knowing that we have the ability to be fearless and achieve anything we imagine for ourselves. More people give up than those who dare to search for those hidden powers of self worth, inner strength and the will to see their dreams become a reality.
Our dreams are as unique as our DNA and our willingness to pursue those dreams and reap the reward of success and happiness is determined by our understanding of what it means to live.
Myself and my readers would be honoured to have you share your ‘project me’ story.
In exchange for your time any product/company/charity/blog of your choice will be the official sponsor for your guest post. This will include an image with a link to their website and/or a brief advertorial about the selected sponsor. There is no charge for the post as your gift to me is sharing every day stories of courage, hope and passion as you never know just who might need to hear it from you above all else.
Simply submit your life story or life changing incident, in no more that 1000 words, as well as a picture of yourself to jodene@lifeology.biz . If you would like the post to be anonymous then please send the pseudonym you would like used and an approprieat picture. Also add a logo of your sponsor, including a link and a bio of no more than 150 words.
Your sponsor will be added to the sponsorship page and remain there and your blog will be featured in the ‘Your Project Me Story’ section of the blog.
One story is submitted a weeks, so keep checking back and ‘Your Project Me Story’ will be there!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published February 21st, 2011
There are many reasons for social networking but one of my favourites is meeting people who inspire me to do more, try harder, dream bigger. It has become my joy to share those people with all of you and I have been waiting to introduce you to Fred.
Here’s his story and my answers to the 10 questions he asked me. I got to ask Fred my curious questions too … so check them out on his blog (after you’ve read my answers of course! 
)
He is busy with his next book a mixture of poetry, short stories and photography.
He is also a motivational speaker and does seminars on Twitter 101, Facebook 101,
Email 101, Youtube 101, how to market online and how to write a blog.
He is also a IT consultant and Business Consultant.
Sometimes you can also find him doing voice over work and acting.
It’s Q & A time:
1. You are quite the blogger. What is your advice for someone starting to write a blog for the first time and which blog sites should they use?
Write about what you want to say and not what you think people want to hear. There are more blogs than stars in the sky most probably and in order to be unique and stand out you have to separate yourself from the collective and shine through with the uniqueness of who you are.
I am the greatest fan of WordPress because it has so many brilliant features that help your blog become very socially versatile in the networking sphere. You don’t have to know much got go far with it! Join blogging communities … lots of them … and make friends because you never know who knows who out there
2. Sea or Forest? And Why?
The sea! I have a very special bond with sea even though I don’t live close to it. My novel (that I am in the final stages of editing) is based on a woman’s journey to self discovery when she moves to live by the after she falls ill! Ironically … I’m scared of the sea and like to splash in the baby pools that the gods have created for kids and scaredy-cats like me!
3. If you could take one book with you to a deserted island which one would it be and why?
Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts. It’s the most powerful book I have ever read and there are so many profound statements that I could read it forever and never get enough of the lessons and messages within this incredible story.
4. Tell us about the latest film you just saw?
I watched Tangled last night. I’m still in awe at 3D and took my glasses home because I know that eventually we’ll own a pair. Maybe Dolce & Gabbana will bring out a range of them. It was a gorgeous movie, but then Disney always is.
5. Why is twitter so amazing?
I have made some of my dearest friends through Twittering. Beyond the sphere of the power that it has a social networking tool, it turns the world into one big cocktail party and I could mingle all day. Well, it introduced you and I, didn’t it Fred?
6. What is your advice to writers?
Just write! Don’t ever delete anything you have written and don’t underestimate the power of returning to a piece of writing at the perfect time in your life.
7. Why is South Africa such a beautiful place to live in?
As much as I envy those who have white Christmas’s and get frustrated that American Country music is not beg enough here to ever feed my thirst for it, I love being South African beyond words. The vastness of cultures, most beautiful sunshine, rainbow nation and eternal hope of the people are the roots that ground me.
8. What funny things have you have seen in your neighbourhood?
I live a few blocks from Wanderers cricket stadium so I have the time of my life after a cricket match. Drunk girls and boys staggering down the road, singing songs that make no sense and shouting for the winning team even if we got our ass whipped.
9. What is this Project me all about?
It started as a daily blog that I needed to drive me to never give up on my dreams no matter how tough life got. However, project me has been a part of my life for years. It’s my commitment to myself to live each day with courage, consciousness and a sense of humour. I never, in my wildest dreams, thought that the blog would grow to what it is today and that my life would change with each passing entry. We all have a ‘project me’ and I have now expanded my blog to include a section called ‘Your Project Me Story; where others share their stories too because you never know who needs to hear exactly what you have to say. We are all that powerful.
10. Give us 10 websites you like and why do you like them?
1. Obviously I’m on Twitter all day and use it as my tool to grow my following as well as interact with some of the most inspirational people in the world.
2. Facebook is my place to escape form it all and enjoy my time with my friends and followers. I can honestly say that it sits open at the bottom of my screen the entire day.
3. I’m a social networking tart and check my stats like crazy. I challenge myself to do better and so I am always on My Scoop which is a social networking aggregator. I can check my rankings on so many different platforms and it inspires me.
4. I use a lot of images for my blog and I’m always on Stock.xchng.
5. I follow a lot of bloggers but have some of my faves and the one dearest to my heart is my friend Nikki who has a blog called Lunatic Cafe. We met on a blog networking site and are the perfect example of the gifts of blogging.
6. My business partner, Greg Arthur, is an incredible writer and through is blog ‘Oh God Knows’ I get my inspiration to be that individual.
7. If you’re waiting for a news, sports or weather site, you won’t find it. I listen to the news once a day and then I got to my other fave places like Wisdom Quotes. I also like to drop a few of those into Twitter every so often!
8. She’s the geek is a blog that inspires women through technology. It is a South African award winning blog that motivates me daily.
9. Website marketing is as vital as it sounds. It is a blog that keeps up to date on all the tools and information about marketing on the web. With a blog, trust me I need it.
10. Youtube … I get my fix of Country Music there and have to admit that I listen to a few to many songs a day, but maybe that’s where all the inspiration comes from
PS … Fred, you’re up there with my faves but me thinks the peeps are going think I just said it as a schmoozling marketing ploy
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published January 25th, 2011
Please don’t tell me I’m the only one who does it? I think one of the most difficult things to do in this world is put the blinkers on and not look at the failures and successes of those around you.
Mine isn’t a jealousy thing. Sometimes I think I would be grateful if it was. Instead, mine manifests into a desperate need to drive myself even harder than I already am. I’m still adjusting to the reality that my lesson is to slow down a little and that I do work hard enough … smart enough still needs some work, but the dedication is more than there.
So days like yesterday are not great for me then and to sit here today and smile at what I did with it is a massive ‘project me’ achievement.
When it rains it pours and when every little drop questions my abilities, growth or achievements against someone else’s perception or accomplishments … well then it’s more like a hail storm.
One of the most important lessons that I think so many of us need to learn is that we never have to justify ourselves. I spent most of the day trying to work out if I’ve taken that too far. In business isn’t there a lot of justifying? And when the work day is filled with looking at other’s blogs, websites and stats or asking the questions about the value of my blog then my ‘you’re not working hard enough’ voice booms out at me.
I got home from work and cried from mere exhausting at all the brave new things that just one day was filled with. I handled a business meeting differently, am sending a quote for something I have never had to quote on before … the value of my time, and have been surprisingly healthy while dealing with the build up to my sister’s wedding and the looming move. Those are a lot of reasons to be proud of myself, but when the call came in and my friend with back problems too is doing so much better than me, the competitive meany in me kicked in again.
“Lazy!” “Overly cautious!” “Wimp!” … those are just a few of the words that I was calling myself and if it weren’t close to bed time I might have just gone to the gym straight away. It took me ages to calm myself down and remind myself that everyone heals differently and that I’m where I should be.
The reality is that it has been time to get moving for a while. It’s also been time to be a little bolder in the business world and start beating on my drum. It’s also time for me to start charging those who need my attention … and there is a lot of that!
Greggie is great at reminding me that each day all I need to do is one thing that scares me … and so this morning I got up and finally drove (first thing) to the gym (second thing). I put my Ipod in my ears and hit the track. With the first few steps I started to tell myself that I haven’t exercised in months and months and that if I just did 2 laps it would be awesome. The music filled my ears (Your sex is on fire!!) and lap one, two and three were pain free and great! Before I knew it I was heading to lap six and humming along to the music. By lap 8 had I had to promise myself to stop at 10!
Can you see that competition isn’t only with the outside world?
I couldn’t believe I was there, walking, sweating, pain free and proud of myself and I didn’t want to stop. I can’t figure out if it was my attempt at making up for the gym I’ve missed or worry that I would not be able to train in the future again. Either way, that mean side of me began to kick in and it took every ounce of consciousness and self love to stop at 10!!
I did and it made me want to cry once again! I am not exaggerating when I tell you that competition has filled my household my whole life. It even went down to who could make a better omelette or outshine the other for who a parent would listen to. I’m sure it happens in a lot of families and I’m sure it always lingers in other households too. Thanks to so much self reflection I have become aware of it and I’m ‘project me-ing’ myself through it … one step around the track at a time!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published January 15th, 2011
Now that I’ve found a system that works for me and I don’t have to measure my food or cut out anything, I finally feel as though food is my friend. I’m also beginning to watch the patterns of what I do when I want to eat and how I handle it.
Let’s say that the last few days have been no less than a mild crisis when it comes to writing, career and showing the world the real me. So food is my addiction when I am dealing with shame and I have discovered that interesting things about my life choices and personality shame me.
“Project me” is my push to be conscious about everything I do in my life and thanks heavens for that. Without it I would never have noticed the reasons why I shovel food down my throat after I have done anything that shows glimmers of my bold personality. I mean really, I have been tweeting more and being a whole lot more ‘me’ and with teach cheat I have had a cracker and cheese. Can you image the food fest when I posted my blog on Organic Orgasm and told the world about my sex drive crisis? I think there were an additional 5 crackers that came with the word, Masturbation! Silly as it may seem, this is the addiction I have created.
So I discovered the weight watchers points system and it is slowly teaching me the quantity of food I need to fuel my body for the day. I have even managed to still deal with my addiction and eat 5 bowl of salad instead of 5 slices of bread … quantity and constant shoveling of food into my mouth totally settled the chaos. You can just imagine how proud I am of myself that I am slowly finding solutions to my issues while I definitely share more of my bold personality with the world.
Well, there is always a day that tests that theory and shakes the foundation of what seems so simple. Today is the day and I’m writing about it because tomorrow will be more interesting. I have 26 points for a day and today I think I have eaten 40. It began with breakfast at Greggie’s house where Twinkletoes arrived with chocolate filled croissants and then I went on to make lavishly filled omelettes with cheese, bacon and tomatoes and mushrooms fried in butter. It didn’t end there after we ended up at Twinkletoes for tea and I had little samoosas and lindt chocolate cubes. Oh, it didn’t end there … when I got home my nephews were here and I tucked into the popcorn, shrimp chips and stood with my sister while she cooked dinner that I will be indulging in later.
To be a little more honest, I’m in a little low self esteem about money and it doesn’t help that my back is acting up again. I couldn’t ask for a better business partner and best friend because Greggie keeps on reminding me that my health is more important and that the money will come. It will come. The result is that I am getting emotional about it and trying to force myself not to have to prove myself because my partner isn’t expecting it at all and neither is my mother, under whose roof I am living. It’s me … I need to prove it to me and it comes with a price. That price … being kind to myself.
I say that to my friends so often: “Be kind to yourself!” and now it’s my turn … hence the food guzzling day! Hence the reason why I’m sharing it with you, because tomorrow is the key more than today.
Tomorrow is the day where I wake up and know that i went over my points and that over the next few days I need to eat 20 points to make up for it. It’s not about cutting anything out, but it’s about my greatest lesson this year … to not start over! If I eat unconsciously tomorrow again, it will carry on day after day and then I will feel as though I am starting over … but if I wake up tomorrow and just carry on counting points then I will have a very big and brave ‘project me’ moment.
You do know that the vicious honesty cycle continues and because I was so brave in sharing this all I want to do is EAT? EAT!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published December 13th, 2010
I love the irony. On the night that I intend to enthusiastically blog about ‘project me’ and the future plans as it grows from strength to strength – well isn’t that the night that I have internet trouble, my computer is freezing and wordpress is denying me access.
I’m doing my best to maintain the enthusiasm but the blogging gremlins are out to ruin my fun. Go away gremlins!
So my day took an interesting turn. Continue reading
