Project Me

I don’t believe there was rain that night…. that’s the way my story begins, 28th July, sometime during the light or the burning darkness, I was born…

The youngest of five children, I entered this ship amongst the many travellers, most of whom have been through the creation of my journey, some who have slipped in mystically, many who have continued to supply resource to my development, providing the grain I feed off , continuing to filter energy I supply around to those I love and of course don’t……..hmmmm.

Whoever put me in that uterus, had a plan I have never discovered, nonetheless, that mother and I have never held a functional bond concerning my mind, body and soul.

I was presented with this so colourful book in nursery school and never let go of the pictures that I still carry in my heart and resting on my shoulders…which I discovered when I started reading, was the story of Peter Pan and Tinkerbell.
Yeah yeah, you’re telling me you don’t agree, like you wouldn’t like Peter Pan or Tinkerbell to rest on your shoulders.

My siblings and I were taken into custody when I was a really cute, wee 4 year old, and placed in a home, due to some mental disorder both or one of my parents carried, which certified them unsuitable parents. I was only too happy.

Nonetheless, we returned ‘home’ when I was 7 and by the age of 13 I was more than ready to get out of that crazy home, I just didn’t belong in, so I returned to Arcadia…mostly left my family behind and continued inside another story for a while until I finished school.

My dream, like most others, was to put up my white picket fence, which I had already designed the patterns and colours for, so when I fell pregnant at 20 and decided to marry my long time boyfriend, I had planned my garden already, of course having been told both by Peter Pan and Tinkerbell, this story was going to be painful, I chose to create a home and family instead…a place where everyone could come for tea..Hee, hee. And so they did, my family, the cousins, the monotonous over privilaged acquaintances that find the place in my story to fit adequately, providing me the cover and comfort to be docile and hide the broken child.

After 20 years together and 13 years married, I rose out of myself to glance into my lost soul, the deepest yearning to find the missing person, which began survival of the thickest, divorce, hatred, abuse, etc etc etc…the story that s a bore, as no one soul has found the depth of ones compassion and respect for it when children are the ones looking for comfort and safety.

So, I was putting my children through the motion picture I had starred in growing up, except for the material world that had eclipsed with it, breaking the morals and values of love and parenting.
Almost 2 years into an extremely high emotional divorce, I had a car accident, with brain damage, that has left me the privilege behind the gratitude for surviving and rehabilitating, amidst fear and solitude.

What I will never have back, is the agility and sense of physical confidence I once had, due to severe nerve damage.
What I will never retrieve is the presence of a mothers love, firm discipline and nurturing which tore my children into a coma of pure survival, one I was very adapt to.
What I will always hold is the right to say what I mean, and mean what I say, through my vow to love with truth and integrity to my soul and I part…my eternity, so provoking my family to provide the plank and invite Mr. Hook to give me the push to make a choice.

I made a choice to disassociate myself from my family, as they left me feeling the pathetic, brain damaged, stupid, broken child someone left me feeling when I was 4 years old, because my choices, decisions, and actions were ones they didn’t agree with.

I have lost a mountain of dead friendships and wanna-be families.
I have in turn, held a lot of love and pain, but I do know for sure, that when I cry or share, and very little of the time expect support, its always Tinkerbell and Peter Pan sitting on my shoulder who come out for me and introduce me to other avenues, side streets, places of the least exposure, and people of little expectancy that provide my reason to wake up every morning and want to smile at the sun, hold the rain and listen to the sounds, I feel privileged to have every day.

I am making a move, that fills my body with trembles and pushes tears back all the time, but confidently know for sure, that all the things I am surrounded by in Johannesburg, hold me back and pull me down. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life hearing the blah blah in my head and waiting for the answers to come out in a cloud.
I want to leave behind the skeletons that loiter, and begin my own new book, out of a different window, with colourful raindrops and the surge of the sea…

Jo, your whole family was on this journey with me for a looong time…to you all. Thank you.

DK

Sponsor’s information: Arcadia Children’s Home

The Arcadia Jewish Children’s Home is not able to generate income in the form of fees and therefore the children are totally dependent on the facility for all their requirements – physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual.

The support of the community is essential to their ongoing care. Your donation would be deeply appreciated.

For direct deposits, our banking details:

Arcadia Jewish Children’s Home:
Bank: First National Bank
Branch: Parktown
Branch Code: 250-455
Account No: 54860054731
Swift Code : FIRNZAJJ

Please help us to identify your contribution by advising us by email or fax of any direct deposits made.
Fax: 011 640 2919
Email: pearl@jhbchev.co.za
Or mail your contribution to:
Private Bag X7, Sandringham 2131

Note from Jodene:
DK, It is with joy and pride that I launch the ‘Your Project Me’ section of my blog by introducing YOU to my followers. I can’t express how much your story and your life has touched me. My fondest memories of my childhood were growing up in the pretend world that you were my very own sister. I remember the days of Arcadia so well and I remember how you were determined, passionate about life and one of the most beautiful souls I ever knew … you still are. Although life has taken us on our own paths and the years have passed, there is no distance between the bond we will always have. You have always been an inspiration to me! Good luck with every day of Your Project Me my very dear (play-play) sister.

With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour