Project Me

Firstly, with such a gorgeous black cat lurking around the corner as my eyes opened, it was a little difficult try and avoid one of the great omens of Friday the 13th.

Nope, I’m not a believer in any bad luck and don’t have superstitions at all, except the shoes on the bed. I’m not sure if that’s a superstition or just because my mother drummed it into our heads so often. We also grew up being totally freaked out about opening umbrellas in the house and seven years bad luck if a mirror dare break.

Then I grew up and started to have a less fear based response to life. I got my head around what superstitions meant and slowly let them go. Not that I’m dancing around with umbrellas in the house or go around smashing mirrors.

Just as I suspected, besides my gorgeous cat, who can cross my path whenever he likes … there were no Friday the 13th surprises. Nothing too scary, freaky or miserable. I didn’t trip, fall, bump or knock anything.

How about you?

With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour

I’m hoping by now everyone knows the insane passion I have for country music?

You will have also heard me bitch so much about the limited access we have to it here in South Africa and how I tune into international stations and scramble my way through websites to get my musical fix. Um … I still have to master the art of downloading music and then I’m sure I’ll wonder why I didn’t do that before.

So in having my finger of the country music pulse and usually being more jealous than anything else, I knew about the movie, Country Strong, months ago. I’m not shy to say that one of my reasons for my great love for the music is them cowboys and then singing in that sexy cowboyie voice is a dream. One of those cowboys is Tim McGraw. If you don’t know who he is, then you should know his wife, Faith Hill … but that has nothing to do with the story, besides me needing to point out the amazing couple they make.

Back to the point … Tim stars in the movie. All I wanted to do was see him act. Actually, all I wanted to do was see him! There wasn’t much of a thought that it would make its way down to SA, so I watched a few snippets of trailers and had an idea that Gwyneth Paltrow was in it too. Yes, she’s good and all, but what I thought I would see and what I actually saw had me in awe. It still has me in awe and got me thinking about the limitless possibility of just how talented we truly are.

My greatness, but this girl can sing!!

Who knew?
Maybe you knew before me, but at some point I’m sure so many of us just didn’t see this coming!

We all have that. That talent that we know we have and that the world just doesn’t see coming. Maybe we don’t know we have that talent and when we find it, it’s just as mind blowing to us as it is to the world who didn’t see that coming.
I’m currently in a space of not trying to analyse myself or my life too much, so I don’t want to get into the pondering of what my hidden talents are. I’m thinking that it might be as simple as my cooking to as complex as my function coordinating skills, that were never there before a few months ago. But who know … I might not know it all yet either.

Whatever it may be, after falling in low with a singer that I would have pinned down as talented for so many other talents way before her amazing voice, I felt a little more limitless. I felt a little more expecting of surprises in my abilities and the possibility of what telens might be waiting to be discovered.

With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour

Yesterday was pissy!

That’s my Miss Priss way of saying yesterday was an f&^*ing disaster of a day.

It was a build up from the emotional weekend that merged with the beginning of a month and reminded me of the crap financial potential of April as a business owner. There’s the thing that tips you over the edge and with that, life sucks!

So yesterday I had myself a full on ‘life sucks’ day and tried my best to be all positive, spiritual, self helpy on myself … and all the usual things that I do to ‘project me’ the hell of myself and come out the other end a happy, shiny example of thinking positive.

Sadly, I didn’t want to self helpy … I wanted my head to shut the F%^* up!!

I didn’t want so solution myself to death or sit down and meditate, light soothing incense, soak in a bath and talk to the goddess within or around me … I seriously didn’t give a f£%£!!!
Nope, that didn’t mean a fibre of my being was giving up on my dreams or my happiness. I wasn’t having an emotional meltdown and I didn’t have to re-adjust me life in any way. I just had to realise that just because I think I’m fabulous, work my ass off, pray/talk to the gods every day and know exactly where I want to be in my life, that its not going to be f&%%ing tough to get there.

FUCK the self help books!!!

Wow … now that feels so good for a Miss Priss like me who thinks I’m going to offend a follower or lose a reader because I have days where I just don’t give a fuck! Most of all, my anger was vented at all the hours of self help I’ve explored and lived in my life. I was so pissed off that it basically says that if you do what you love then the money will flow like a river … it doesn’t!!!!!
Self help is so ‘read between the lines’ … So what you make of it … so individual that you can’t repeat someone else’s formula … so not he quick fix and so doesn’t have the answers to what happens when you wake up and you just don’t care … but still know that no part of you wants to give up or even knows how to give up!

Then two dear friends each shared to important things with me … and lucky for the Miss Priss in me … they both have the word FUCK in them!!!

Now there was a blogging quandary right there … me, Miss Priss, the girl who doesn’t swear in public. The girl who tried to add the F word to my still unfinished novel and then did a ‘find and replace’ for the word … the girl who seriously says ‘F’ when it needs to be said. But there they were, the two messages that made the first dent in fixing my spirits …

Did you know there’s a self help book called Fuck it … ?
Indeed there is and I think it will be the last self help book I ever read in my life!!!

Did you know there’s a song called I just wanna fucking dance …?
Yes there is … and it goes a little something like this …

I’m tired of laughing and I’m tired of crying,
I’m tired of failing and I’m tired of all this trying,
I wanna do some living
Cause I’ve done enough dying
I just wanna dance
I just wanna fucking dance

Bottom line … It feels so good to just say it, feel it … and not give a damn what anyone else is gonna think or say! Um … yes, that lesson took me 38 years and 830 blog posts to realise!!!!!

 

With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour

Don’t bother saying, “bless you!” until I’ve finished sneezing. That could be anything between 2 and 15 sneezes in a row … and I’m having a horrid time.

Everyone around me seems to be dealing with the change of season pretty well, by me, I’ve totally fallen over. I even wake myself sneezing and because I also wake up usually needing to go to the little girl’s room … it’s not the best idea to wake up with a sneeze.

When I put my back out, the doc gave me morphine and told me that should take the pain away and knock me out for a while, well he may as well have given me smarties because they didn’t touch sides. But if you give me an anti histamine I’ll be a zombie for about 29.5 hours. With that option out for the day, I literally have to chase after my runny nose, say “no” to ever second person who asks if I’m sick, deal with the washed out and red nose look and grin and bare/bear it!

On the upside … I’m a big lover of winter and can’t wait for the soup on the stove, cuddles with kitties and my man … my warm jimmy jams and puffy Tiger slippers

With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour

Nothing like a day of board games and make your own pizza with awesome friends before heading into another week of mystery and facing them fears!

With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour

With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour

The passover table will forever be incomplete without my dad, but something else will be missing too … whatever he did had a creative flair that would bring any table to life and that’s all I wanted to do for my family over this Jewish holiday. So, I took what my dad taught me and I hope I used it well creating a coconut face that bought a giggle to the kids … and hopefully a small reminder of the legacy my dad left behind for us to always bring to the table.

With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour

I’ve settled nicely into giving myself breaks from blogging and capturing a moment in time on those days, and I’m looking forward to doing that until the long weekend is over on Monday again. It’s not that these days won’t be without words, but rather, that I’ve learned how important it is for me to capture moments that speak for themselves while I play around with the words.

There are going to be a lot of words and most probably a few tears too, as all of the festivals seem to collide into the same weekend for the first time in ages. Easter meets Passover meets full moon … meets my dad’s birthday. Wow, I think it’s going to be one hell of a weekend.

It starts tonight with Passover, which, in my Pagan ways I don’t really practice but it’s in my family blood. There’s something about my family that always gets me a little excited about the Jewish holidays, even though I might skim over a lot of stuff. It does call up the heart breaking bit about missing my dad that extra amount this time of year.

It was my folks anniversary a few days ago and dad’s birthday on Sunday. How’s that for crazy timing considering it’s my first Easter Sunday with my non Jewish man … so the easter egg hunt will be on. Amazingly enough you are going to meet the real kid in me. You see, Pat’s not that religious and he’s not missing anything by glazing over finding Easter eggs, but I’m pretending that he’s done it his whole life and would hate to miss out on it.

Honestly, I’m just wanting to keep things as light and fun as possible, because I know that everyone in the family is a little heart sore along the way!

But that’s about everyone else.

This is about me … in the midst of it all, I’m the person who believes that all of these festivals were merged into one and that Passover and the Easter celebrations all stemmed from the pagan festival that celebrated spring and the beginning of the fertile season and the harvest. I’ve been really slack in hosting the festivals with my friends, but they are still very close to my heart and get my acknowledgement. One thing that never passes me by is the Full and New moon and my moments that I take with myself on those very important days. On top of it all, tonight is full moon too. So after the big family dinner for Pesach, I’ll come home and still do my moonlight bath.

Um … that’s a lot of religion/tradition/emotion for one weekend!

In the Jewish book that read about Passover tonight, called the Haggadah, we ask the question, “why is this night different from all other nights?” That’s the questions I’m going to be focusing on tonight … with a whole lot of positivity!
While, for me, both Easter and Passover talk a lot about loss and suffering … I don’t really have that in my vocab. Even though I sit with a whole lot of reason to relate to loss, a less that I truly have lived by is that although loss might not be a choice, suffering is. That’s why I hope I get a seat where I can stare out into the moon, reminding me of all I am and can be, and the stars to remind me of my dad and how far he taught me I can reach.

 

 

With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour