Can you imagine having a naturally mothering nature?
Let me tell you how it goes … I can’t be sick, ask for help or be dependent on anyone. Everyone needs me and I can’t let anyone down. That’s a hell of a load to take on for a chick who decided not to be a mother. What’s the point … I may as well have just had kids if I was going to be the martyr mother anyway!
However, I had my realisations this weekend and took note of how emotional I got every time I had to ask for help. I saw how I felt like I let everyone down when I could not go to a function on the weekend and how I kept on promising that I wouldn’t need help for much longer. I could also feel the fight to get better so that I was ready for work by Monday morning.
So not ready for work on Monday!!
Ok, so the toe isn’t exactly broken and I can tell that now that swelling is down and i can walk around. I still didn’t feel healthy enough at all to get through a full day or follow through on the plans I had with Greggie and a friend of his, tonight.
I’m so proud of me … I stopped being mother for the first time in I don’t know when. I asked Greggie to come work at me and I sadly cancelled the dinner plans! Still … woo hoo … no martyr mother Monday for me!
I can’t gym … I’m eating bread because I’ve felt ill all weekend and all my saboutaging self wants to do is scream at how I’ve fallen off the rails and I’m dammed to failure! But wait … I’m wiser than that and know the cries for help of the scared ego! So I’m consciously chilling and reminding myself of the great pearls of wisdom once shared with the world … “Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again!” … sing it with me!!
Had such a cool chat with Soldier guy!
He’s just so good for my spirit! Giggles and chuckles between thousands of miles.
It’s always a great way to start the day, just as he is ending it! Those are the moments when I’m so happy that I have the confidence to be chatty and flirty and make genuinely beautiful connections around the world.
So many times people have asked me if I don’t feel like I’m wasting my time because it’s people that I might never ever meet. I’ve met them already … lucky me!!!!
It’s nearly launch time for the exciting project that Greggie and I are working on and the excitement/tension is beginning to launch. It carries the theme that we are both passionate about … awareness of the planet and the self!
This project is for the kids of the world and it goes hand in hand with the children’s book that my Knight is currently illustrating!
So, sometimes we have a shit scared day! Nudge, nudge! Wink, wink … figured out what kind of day it was?
We do have a pronominal gift that we is very rare. We can have a conversation and tell each other about the fears, insecurities and crisis the other brings up in our lives. We can tell each other how the things we see in each other is frustrating, annoying or down right … oh, I said annoying!
We hold up each other’s mirrors with such love and know the gift of honesty and the fearlessness of never losing each other even when the depths of gory truth are revealed.
So we had one of those gory truth days … especially considering that we both had such Soul searching weekends! Basically, Mondays always hold this flavour … you know, the rocky road, full of surprises, it gets a little too much after a few spoonfuls, flavour??
So I’m writing content for kid’s websites and learning that it’s perfectly normal to be doing exactly what I love and watching my dreams come true day by day … yet, I can be so scared with fear that Monday passes me by and I find myself blogging at something to ten, with pretty much a head full of ideas to show to for it!
Success rate of project me?
Considering I acted nothing like a responsible mother at all today … I’d say … pretty damn fine Monday!!
Oh wait … the point of the blog …
Some guy that I’m doing business with totally thought he didn’t know who I was on facebook. I thought I hadn’t made any impact on him at all … meanwhile, when it came to truth time, he told me that he didn’t recognise me from my profile pic! You know … the posed one!!! He said the I lost my natural sexy look … the one that I just have without trying! Um … Jodene? Huge realisation … huge … thank you music maker … I think you just changed my life a little more!!!