Project Me

It’s fancy dress party tonight and I’m so looking forward to going out and having some off the wall fun. Project me is kicking in, in the opposite way that I thought it would. Instead of it being a year about changing so much about me, its becoming one about accepting me exactly as I am.
There is an interesting space between loving yourself, yet knowing that you can do or be better and not seeing any good in yourself and wanting to change for all the wrong reasons. I’ve decided that it’s the collective need of us humans to always want to change, but I’m loving my realisation that the stuff I would change is just so damn insignificant! OMG … you have no idea how huge that is! I think this is cause for celebration …

Anyway, that’s distracting me! I’m supposed to be continuing my day from yesterday and I definitely needed to be a little more conscious before sharing the madness of my mind and the frustrations of the world with you.

Madness first … because when you hear what has been going on in my life (behind the scenes, of course) for the past 6 days, you are either going to laugh hysterically at me like Greggie did or you are going to feel sorry for me. I do put myself through the stupidest forms of hell.

So, two weeks ago I smashed my toe and the decided it wasn’t broken. Well, guess what? It so is! I was having my toes painted by Baba yesterday and when the little toe on the left was ready to be painted a bright shade of pink, I let out a distinct yelp! That little toe is so broken! And no … it’s not strapped and it’s not going to grow back skew! Moving swiftly along … I can go to gym on it … I just have to make sure I can dance on it and then I can survive anything.

Here’s the madness …
The week that I hurt my toe and took tablets that made me feel sick was also the build up to the end of my partnership with Baba, the launch of the campaign for the children’s website and … full moon! Why is that important, you ask? Because my girlie body cycles are in line with that full moon!
I’m a grown woman who knows exactly how the birds and the bees works and I’m also a super responsible woman who has never taken a sexual risk in my life … well, that doesn’t count my choice of men
With that in mind … and now that I can breathe a sigh of relief that I’m not going to be a totally unsuspecting and very not ready to even think about being a mommy, mommy … I’ve got to say that the freakiest thing a girl can manifest is a false alarm! Holy bajeebers … I even got the feeling sick in the morning right! I think the more I panicked, the later I got and the more ill I felt. Now that can turn any girl into a nun!!! So, 6 days later than I’m supposed to be and I’ve decided that I might not be honouring how stressed out I am about all that is going on about my life.

Project me has now become somewhat of an honouring of emotions! I have to learn to do that, because thinking that I am calm under any circumstance and knowing that I will make all my dreams a reality, doesn’t always mean that totally unconsciously … I’m freaking out!

So here’s why I’m freaking out …
I’m so stuck on everything happening on time. Although I have the best business partner for that and slowly I have learned to let it go, thanks to Greggie! But this children’s website is so exciting and important and I just want to get it out there. So, when the service providers are running late I am getting myself a little to stressed out. This is how I handled it … We laughed! And I managed to laugh until I cried … and it was fantastic! And then my friend reminded me that everything happens at exactly the right time and for the first time in weeks I’ve felt calm again.

I’m loving this project and growing into who I am.

I had such fun last night and am loving the fact that me, as I am, is just perfect. The best part is that I can feel it in crowds and with people I meet … whatever that means! It’s so an energy thing!

Alright … there’s the whole truth and nothing but the truth and now I’m off to get my accessories for my party tonight!