Project Me

Oh my greatness, my sister’s visiting as somehow we got on to riddles.

Here’s Pat’s one that had my 12 year old nephews, my sister, brother, mom and me boggled for a little too long:

Brothers and sisters have I none, but that man’s father is my father’s son???

So … who is he talking about?

With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour

I’m blogging from bed, sipping on hot cocoa, surrounded by my cats and a man who I love dearly, even though he’s currently driving me nuts while on his campaign to fight against the government. It’s my safe space. My bed, my hot drink, my beautiful Persians & fiance. But tonight, even though the scenery is the same, I feel a little tender and fragile.

It’s awful when you get that call and expect to hear the usually bubbly voice on the other end of the phone, but instead it’s tears and panic.
I got one of those calls yesterday, from a dear friend who had turned to her boyfriend’s home and sadly, found his deceased mother.

I’ll never know what’s worse, watching someone you love suffer and anticipating death for days or months on end, or suddenly being faced with an unexpected passing. Either way, it tears at your heart as a friend who doesn’t know how to comfort the pain that someone you care so much about is dealing with. There’s nothing to say. There’s always food to bring and hugs  to give, but there’s hardly ever something to say.

She felt bad that Greggie and I have lost a parent and that we don’t need to go through it, but on the other hand, we wanted to be there because we know what it’s like to lose a parent. No two situations are the same, but there’s always the story to tell about what the funeral day might be like or the days to follow. I try tell them to find reasons to laugh, but I know it’s equally important to allow yourself to cry.

Both Greggie and I deal with the parent who is left behind and there’s so much that goes on with a grieving parent. No matter how I tried to explain it to Greggie, there’s no understanding it until you are the child, watching your parent start their life over again after 40 odd years of marriage. This story will be no different, and no matter how I tried to share a story of empathy or two, I know that they will only be stories until the right moment comes.

But no matter what, it’s heart wrenching to see a friend I love so dearly so torn apart by pain and shock. I just want to hug her until all the agony goes away. I want to do so much, say so much and help so much. But all I could do was take a salad for dinner, give her a hug, wipe away a tear and tell her that I would be … for both of them.

With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour

Gosh, there’s not even time for me to find a fun pic to go with the frazzlement (my word) of my blog tonight.

It’s been a crazy day, in the best sense of the word. Meetings, Tweetings, creating events, assisting with events, emails … oops, dinner!!

There’s a part of me that really forgets I have a man to feed (and when Greggie stays for dinner, it’s 2) and cats to herd … oh shit, and a mom to feed to.

So it’s way past dinner time but I might have put dinner in a bit late, but that’s because I was tweeting and meeting and … um, I think I just grew up real fast …

Don’t you hate/love it when that happens??

 

With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour

I don’t dream that often. Well, we all dream often, but remember them is a different story.

Strangely enough, when I’m stressed I remember my dreams more than when life is chilled. Funny that, I should remember my dreams all the time then.
So I haven’t been hiding that life’s had it’s stresses and that I’ve gone through a ‘I don’t give a damn stage!’ I’m not over that stage yet, but lucky for me, I don’t wallow or lose that workaholic edge.

That’s all in the conscious space, but the unconscious tells a different story. Last night I ended up going to bed feeling frustrated with life and a whole lot of tears flooded my bath. It’s all happening while great opportunities are all around me, and I’m trying not to be too hard on myself for not being grateful enough for all the opportunities. Drifting off to sleep, with one of my precious cats in my arms, I promised myself that I’d be even more grateful than I make sure I am every day.

That’s when the owl and wolf came to visit me. It was only their faces. Sometimes the whole face and other times just and eye or their mouths. They weren’t together and it was almost like a picture show, but they had something important to tell me.

When I dream about animals, I don’t turn to the dream books. Instead, I head off to the totem animals and see the messages that the Shamans would tell me about who I had encountered.

This is what they had to say:

Fox:
Fox’s clever nature makes it a master of camouflage. When hunted by hounds, Fox will psyche them out by doubling back on its own trail, and run around in circles to break the scent. It has the amazing ability to meld into the background, allowing it to quietly observe the situation around them.

Fox comes to us when we need to slip out of a situation so we can be silent witness to what is really taking place behind the scenes. We need to use our cleverness to our advantage, but we must remember to be discreet. Fox asks us to carefully look at where we are coming from, so we can remember to approach things with a clear conscious.

Owl:
Owls, which have been called cats with wings, are the silent hunters of the night. Their downy feathers and the front edge of their wings have a fringe which silences their flight. The wings are substantially bigger than their actual body making their slow smooth flight all the easier.

These birds also have a third eyelid which moves from side to side to clean their vision. An owl’s eyes are fixed in the socket, however to be able to see all around, their incredibly flexible necks can rotate 270 degrees in any direction. An owl’s vision and hearing work harmoniously enabling them to eat their body weight on a daily basis.

Owls know when to move silently and when to be still, which makes them the keepers of secrets. These solitary birds don’t feel the need to proclaim their presence to anyone until the timing is right. Owl comes to us when we need to open our eyes, and study the situation at hand. If we watch and listen with our inner selves we can figure out what is happening behind the scenes, and confront those who are trying to deceive us at the appropriate time.

Courtesy of www.animaltotem.com

Interestingly enough … both of these creatures take me right out of my comfort zone … um, that might just be the point!

With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour

With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour

Firstly, with such a gorgeous black cat lurking around the corner as my eyes opened, it was a little difficult try and avoid one of the great omens of Friday the 13th.

Nope, I’m not a believer in any bad luck and don’t have superstitions at all, except the shoes on the bed. I’m not sure if that’s a superstition or just because my mother drummed it into our heads so often. We also grew up being totally freaked out about opening umbrellas in the house and seven years bad luck if a mirror dare break.

Then I grew up and started to have a less fear based response to life. I got my head around what superstitions meant and slowly let them go. Not that I’m dancing around with umbrellas in the house or go around smashing mirrors.

Just as I suspected, besides my gorgeous cat, who can cross my path whenever he likes … there were no Friday the 13th surprises. Nothing too scary, freaky or miserable. I didn’t trip, fall, bump or knock anything.

How about you?

With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour