Jodene is the co-founder of:
and founder of:
Published July 20th, 2011
Circle bar at the Crowne Plaza Johannesburg
While everyone is contemplating how they feel about Google+, I sit in my own little circle of lights at the Crowne Plaza Johannesburg and blog. I’m grabbing the gap between meetings as I wait for a 7:30pm chat about bloggers in SA and how we can all support each other. Now that’s what I love best of all … that collaboration of like-minded people and knowing that we all have the uniqueness to be in the same profession but all have a different message to offer.
My meetings before this one have been very similar and I’m slowly beginning to feel my pull get very strong towards a very South African flavour of making the circle bigger. Google+ is all about that circle and despite not really feeling the passion for it yet, I can’t deny my love for collecting fellow peeps into circles. No … not hap-hazard ones but ones driven by passion and purpose.
Someone got hold of me today and asked me for advice on how to get her blog read. “Join groups of fellow bloggers” is always my standard response. Mingle with people who understand the pain and passion of what you do.
I’m excited about another circle that I’ve created. Once again, these incredible like minded people who would do well to work together even though we might all be trying to achieve the same thing. On Saturday I am hosting my first Jodene’s Breakfast at one of my fave spots in Joburg … La Vie en Rose. I have invited the 20 most active ladies who tweet with me and who I have formed special bonds with and I have something exciting planned. Following on from my launch of #FollowSA, it’s only fitting that I turn it into reality and start to see how us powerful and smart ladies can make our circle bigger.
The whole day has been like that, with exciting plans and making circles bigger and I can’t thank the Crowne Plaza Johannesburg enough for supporting passion for social media and providing me with this incredible venue to start truly living my dream and sharing my knowledge on this journey that that I am on.
Talking about dreams … it happened today … well, the awesomeness and technical brain of my Greggie made it happen. Look to the left and you’ll see my first advert of the blog. My first ad … *claps hands and clears lump in throat*!!!
On the other hand, my man has had a terrible day at work and he’s all alone at home while I have a very exciting meeting ahead of me. It makes me wonder how working mommies do it … hats off to you, as I sit here with a heart torn in 2 places.
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published July 19th, 2011
Let’s refresh shall we? Living ‘project me’ is taking life and embracing every moment with courage, consciousness and a sense of humour … right? Well, I’m only discovering now that all those things can be masked by a whole heap of things that make it seems as though it’s far too easy. I’ve had many of those days where it’s all painted over with a rosy brush, but for an array or reasons, it’s not so easy to fake it anymore.
It’s all the fault of ‘project body’! No, it’s the fault of Mr Unexpected! Um no … it’s Juliette and her Body Mind Healing treatments. What? Me? Never!!!!
Such a pity the only thing I’m sure of that we all create our own reality and we are exactly where we are because of each choice we have ever made. Mostly, we get to choose how we are going to handle things that everyone else does in their lives without much disregard for anyone but themselves. Oh wait … that’s also right. We should always put ourselves first and it’s certainly not with any disregard, but the voices in my head still need to get that.
It’s been bubbling under for a while now and now it’s bubbling over. I’m trying very hard not to be too mean to myself while I blog tonight but I do have to confess that I’m seeing a part of me that’s not much fun at all.
Yesterday was my mani and pedi day with Khanyi and there’s nothing more delicious than sitting snug on my own couch in my own living room with my kitties trying to drink the gross pedi water and a pampering Karisa Spa treatment … yet I Tweet, watch the time and remember the one email I forgot to send (that is so not urgent) and poof, there goes the fun.
Everyone around me is going to hit me over the head with a pan or something heavier if I don’t start lightening up and appreciating the fact that I have a man with sarcasm as a sense of humour. I spend half my time reprimanding him for being inappropriate and getting even more pissed off with everyone else who is laughing at him or with him. Funny that … most of the time I’m the only one not laughing.
I had an invigorating meeting at the Helen Suzman Foundation today and despite the fact that I cut myself on my car (a whole other story) and was slowly bleeding out at the meeting, it reaffirmed that my offering in the social media world is what thrills and invigorates me. It was an honour to be brainstorming with a team that is keeping the work of such an incredible woman alive, but don’t think that straight after talking to a team of young South Africans with a vision that thrills me and a passion for uplifts me, that I didn’t totally destroy the moment by stripping the fun and allowing my business mind to sabotage.
The list would go on and on if I didn’t have my second session with Juliette today and she didn’t take me on the most amazing guided journey that introduced me to someone I had long forgotten. With all my years of meditation and journey work, I’ve learned to truly believe everything that my mind (or not mind) sees (or thinks it sees). Jules was brilliant as keeping me settled and in the moment during a journey that really awoke a lot of old memories. Admittedly, my mind really doesn’t shut up and Jules kept telling me that she was gagging the jabbering part of me head … it worked and slowly I let the other voices in.
One in particular. A very sweet, giggly and innocent voice. The voice of a little girl all dressed in pink, with pig tails in her hair. Everything happens for a reason and this visualisation couldn’t be better timed because I’m starting to feel how serious I can be most of the time. It’s not me, I know it’s not me! I know I can be totally chilled out, fun and giggle at the oddest things but I slowly lost it when I thought that … um … I don’t know what I thought.
What am I without tears? But I do know that those tears are always laced with truth and relief and I’m truly relieved to know that my inner child isn’t so deeply hidden that she can’t ever by reached.
She was so cute … I was so cute … she is so cute … I am so cute!
My very special man is nearly home and I want to have dinner cooked … he’s going to say something silly and I’m hoping my little inner child giggles first and gets me going, because I’m sure he’s as overwhelmed as I am that love can happen so fast!
How’s your inner child?
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published July 18th, 2011
Book tickets by clicking the sizzling hot pic and heading off to the Joburg Theatre website
I’m not a journalist, entertainment blogger or dance critic. I’m a girl who is blogging her way through life and was lucky enough to be invited to the opening night of Burn the Floor at the Joburg Theatre on my 560th day.
I’m that girl who left a sick boyfriend at home for my mother to take care of. Whose day was filled with worry and nursing that I hadn’t blogged day 559 yet. Who had the looming return to gym after only getting over my own sickness. Who … was that the most perfect body on a man I have ever seen?
Um … where was I? Worries? What worries?
That’s the power of this incredible dance production called Burn the Floor.
As quoted by the Joburg Theatre: “From Harlem’s hot nights at The Savoy, where dances such as the Lindy, Foxtrot and Charleston were born, to the Latin Quarter where the Cha-Cha, Rumba and Salsa steamed up the stage, BURN THE FLOOR takes audiences on a journey through the passionate drama of dance. The elegance of the Viennese Waltz, the exuberance of the Jive, the intensity of the Paso Doble – audiences will experience them all, as well as the Tango, Samba, Mambo, Quickstep and Swing.”
What next? How do I? When is the right time to? Why would anyone want to? If I try this will it? That’s how most of my thoughts begin and it’s always a day of incessant self questioning … until …
I don’t do it often. Actually I don’t do it at all. This mind of mine never stops and even when I’m trying to meditate I never get very far without my bossy and noisy brain taking over the process. I used to love reading but haven’t done it in ages because my head won’t shut up and I find myself re-reading paragraphs far too often. Music almost gets it right for me, but never for very long and I’m the first to say that’s the furthest away from ‘project me’ that I should be with myself.
I love the theatre thanks to the cultured flair that my best friend has added to my life and I’ve seen many productions in my time. I’ve loved a whole bunch of them, but I can’t say when last I had a moment such as last night. To review a production like this must be fun with words like sizzling, steamy, hot-t-t and spectacular, but for me, it was a ‘project me’ moment that is rare and very personal.
I contemplated canceling because the collective questions asks if you should leave the man you love at home while you go to the theatre? ‘Project me’, on the other hand, tries to show the world that it’s okay to put myself first, have fun and still live totally within my integrity. It didn’t feel that way when I left him fast asleep and knew he would wake up, sick and alone. It didn’t feel that way while driving in the car and while waiting for the show to begin. Even though I was surrounded by my special friends including Greggie, Jared who was instrumental in my being at the show and Hustler Girl who was my +1 after Mr Unexpected couldn’t make it. Still … I had all those ‘what if’s’ floating through my head and felt like the most uncaring woman in the world for leaving him.
Follow all the sexy and talented dancers from Burn the Floor on Twitter
And then … nothing … but everything all at once.
If I breathed, I don’t remember. What I do remember it the total stillness of my mind as I watched the most spectacular dance production I have seen. The description says it all but words can never captivate the experience of the combination of powerful voices and flawless dance.
Of course the nattering of my mind began the second the curtain rose and all I wanted to do was get home … well, that was until the dancers all began to emerge and mingle with the crowd. Bless the Joburg Theatre for their hospitality and flowing wine that kept most people sipping instead of drooling. Where beautiful bodies and talent collide … it’s easy to forget about a sick man … but not forever though.
Reality always returns after a night as mesmerising as this and when I got home I did my usual … cry! While the tears were flowing I had a thought. I saw the most incredible partnerships on that stage. The ultimate in trust as one partner throws, catches and twirls another. It could never have been that flawless in the beginning. I bet a dancer or two where dropped on their head. There must have been tears and pain and hours of exhaustion that created something so spectacular … and all of a sudden my mind fell silent once again … to dream!
Jozi peeps and Tweeps … I would love to go see Burn the Floor again, so if you are keen please Tweet me @jodenecoza and let’s make a Tweetup out of it!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published July 17th, 2011It is almost a year since I sequestrated the disk in my lower back and one of the promises I made myself is that I would never lie in bed and work again. It used to be the permanent position and even though I have churned out many hours of brilliance lying at an odd angle and writing away, it was one of the most damaging things for my back.
For me to be sitting in bed and blogging you have to know that it’s the best reason under the sun … and it is.
Lying next to me, fast asleep, is a very sick man. A man that I have been waiting to come into my life for a very long time. Yet, over the past few days I’ve wished he wasn’t here. If my dearest friends, Greggie or Hustler Girl had to blog about me now they would tell you that I am borderline psychotic. There has been a flip in my personality that has been explainable … or so I thought.
Despite all the nurturing energy that everyone sees in me, there is a standing joke in my family … it goes something like this: Jodene is not Florence Nightingale. Yes, sick people and me don’t go very well at all and it’s the one time when compassion seems to fly out the window. So for the past couple of days I’ve been a cow but only today, while thinking about my own body and the journey it’s had this week, did I realise why this mad, impatient woman emerges around sickness.
It’s tough enough taking care of my own body and I don’t get the best points at my attempt at it. That’s why I’m doing ‘project body’. It’s because of the detachment from my own body and not because I know how to take care of myself wholly and completely. Now you are telling me I have to take care of someone else and their ailing body? Are you crazy?
The fact is, Mr Unexpected has been sick for a long time and just like my body got struck down with ailments as soon as we started dating, I think his body has finally given him permission to let go and give in for a while. It’s a cough from hell, blood pressure through the roof and he’s literally slept for 48 hours. Me … I’m totally freaked out.
I don’t know what to give him to eat or to drink. I don’t know if he should have lots of blankets or the heater on. Dry air is bad but wet air is good … so this is the reality I’ve been daydreaming about? Only tonight did I realise that I wouldn’t swap it for anything, but I can’t say I’m having the fun I should … it’s not his fault, it’s mine.
I’ve come to realise something though … the reality is that when we love someone, we become a part of their own journey with their bodies. I’m still fumbling around in the dark with what that means, but as I did my weak of counting calories and getting ready to head back to gym from Monday, I watched how our meals slowly changed to accommodate shockingly high blood pressure.
I keep joking that my knight rode in on a limping horse, but a part of me really isn’t laughing … I’m scared that he’s sick and I’m scared that it will impact my own project body because I’m going to get to freaked out the stick to my own plans. The reality is that we are in this together and have both chosen journeys with each other no matter the body ailment or fat percentage.
So scared and all … this Florence Nightingale has a very special man to take care of …
Back to gym tomorrow
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published July 16th, 2011
What gets me blogging every single day of me life?
That’s always an interesting question and I would have to listen back to the radio interview this morning to see if I actually used the words “auto pilot”. If I did I don’t think that’s entirely true. While I sit here and type, my mother is finally home and I have a million things I want to tell her. In the other room, I have a very sick man who is fast asleep at 7pm and I know he’s not over-dramatising man flu. I could feel as though I were torn in three places at one time, but the truth is that the only place I want to be is right here, typing this post.
The combination of the comfort of my traditional cup of tea and the sifting through my thoughts as I share my day, is my saving grace right now.
Still, Mr Unexpected woke up at sparrows and made sure he got me to the SABC building way before time. I’m never shy to confess that it’s stressful enough for me to do new things without also having to find my way there. Don’t tell me that GPS makes it easier, but it my world, it just doesn’t. Of course it was much easier to find and navigate my way to and through the building, but I still would have wanted him by my side.
My little piece of paper was the other comfort that freed up my mind from the totally ego thought that I actually have no clue what I’m talking about. It was the thought of those big earphones and a microphone in my face that made it all feel too big for me. Greggie always gives me the eye when I say the words ‘just’ or ‘little’ when referring to all I have achieved with the blog and within the online space.
That little piece of paper was filled with stats about South Africa in the social networking sphere and all the Mashable social media day numbers from around the world.
Myself with Angela Ludek and Tsheko Mosito of the Radio 2000 FM breakfast show
From the moment Tsheko Mosito from Radio 2000 contacted me, I felt like that social influencer that I have worked so hard at becoming. It’s impossible to make myself look the roll at 7:30am but I felt it all fall into place from the moment Tsheko walked me into the studio.
I love the irony of my interview and the journey that I suddenly find myself in. Angela Ludek, the bright and bubbly (even on Saturday at 7:30am) breakfast show host is nowhere to be found. No, not in the real world, but in my world of Twitter, Facebook or any other platform you can think of. I loved the instant connection between us and I can see the underlying passion for our beautiful country, sharing knowledge and the power of social media.
The thought of being on air for 30 minutes freaked me out most of all and I truly had thoughts of me not knowing enough about social media to fill that time. Okay, so I still have some ‘project me’ work to do on my esteem, me thinks.
Not only did the words just tumble out of my mouth, did it feel totally natural and did I want to carry on speaking forever … but 30 minutes flew by ridiculously fast. So fast, in fact, that I only got to use one line out of all my notes on my little piece of papers. I was thrilled to be able to share the concept of #followSA, which sparked the realisation that this interview was just the tip of the ice berg. With the next guest waiting in the wings, a date was set for 5 weeks time and my next on-air chat with Angela … which let to the invitation to do regular features about Social Media every 5 weeks.
I’m stoked … I needed to hear myself reminisce on such a fantastic experience and not rip anything apart. The old me, pre ‘project me’ would have found fault with everything, yet I felt perfect.
This post and my entire journey would be incomplete if it were not for the social networking platforms that have create the beautiful people in my world. To all the Twits who sent such special message, my Facebook friends for love and to my dear friend, China Doll, who streamed the interview all the way in Hong Kong … you guys are truly awesome!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published July 15th, 2011
I must confess, I’ve been snappy, grouchy and not much fun at all. My first reaction would be to beat myself up about this and I have heard myself say that I don’t have much personality, but I know that’s not true. I think I’m truly beginning to experience that fear that comes along with actually realising that it’s possible to manifest the dreams that float around in daydreamy moments and vision boards.
With creating dreams, there’s a whole lot of real life adjusting that never fits into the thought process when images of our future floats through our brain. I dreamed of making impact and being recognised for all the hard work I have put into my blog and social media as a whole, but no one could ever prepare me for the fear that comes along with sitting live on air and not knowing what will be asked of me. I would be lying if I didn’t feel a little ill about tomorrow morning’s interview on Radio 2000. The upside is that it’s at sparrows so I don’t have a day of anticipation and in my head I’ve convinced myself that the whole country will still be sleeping and it will just be me and Angela who is interviewing me.
Those dreams are still the little ones, but when I have a meeting and the Eurocom team ask me what my once in a lifetime dream is … and then they ask me if they can create a package for me to the be the host and do whatever I like … well that’s some crazy dreaming.
Not to play down the dream at all, but even if the package is created and it never becomes a reality … no, what am I saying? If I got this far with my dreams then this one is so coming true.
I’ve spoken Country music until I’ve slowly converted a few of you out there but no matter what, I’ve never stopped dreaming of heading off to the home of Country and seeing my dream group … Rascal Flatts. They will never head off to South Africa even if I do an affirmation a day and create the biggest witchy brew ever. So my only other dream was to head off to Tennessee, Texas, Carolina, Georgia and anywhere else where my greats and … Jack Daniels was born.
Below are the words to one of Rascal Flatts songs and I was singing it all the way home, from the moment it sunk in that, if Eurocom and myself create an awesome enough package and there are enough Jack Daniels drinking, line dancing, cowboy boot wearing girls and guys out there … that I could actually manifest my craziest dream.
Isn’t that what manifesting is all about anyway …
There’s that star, the one they said we’d never reach
And just close your eyes
There’s the missing moon, there’s the Milky Way
Heaven’s straight ahead, we’ll be there today
Rainbows right and left, sunshine everywhere
If it couldn’t be baby, how did we get here
Chorus
Some say we’ll never get if off the ground
Some say we’ll never make it out of town
That someday we’ll end up a world apart
And some say we’re a couple of crazy kids
And some say that’s exactly what they did
And I say you got to go with your heart
And baby, look where we are
There’s that home, the one they said we’d never share
And just close your eyes
There’s the picket fence, there’s our mailbox
Puppy on the porch and roses up the walk
Shinny minivan, kids in every seat
Someday we’ll look back and see it wasn’t just a dream
(Repeat Chorus)
(Instrumental)
(Repeat Chorus)
Some say – oh, oh
Some say, some say
Some say, yes they do, some say
Oooo, Oooo, Oooo, Oooo
Some say, some say, some say, yeah
Some say, some day, some say
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published July 14th, 2011
It’s very seldom that the dream looks anything like the reality. Sometimes imagination totally underplays it and other times imagination totally overplays it. Either way, I’m living each passing day with more dreams becoming a reality.
Yes, I can say that I’m pretty much on track with what I expected from all my dreaming, hard work and determination. I can also say that the littlest things have made me realise that I can dream even bigger.
Last night Mr Unexpected called me to ask if we needed anything more than milk and I asked for one red lollipop! I get that it’s totally new so most things he does is going to seem like the sweetest thing on the planet, but try look at it as the metaphor that I saw. I asked for one and got a whole packet of cherry lollipops … isn’t that so much like our dreams?
On the other hand, I didn’t ask for my man to be sick and for me having to play nurse (he called me matron … but let’s not go there) and having to demand he goes to see a doctor. I’m not surprised that he has blood pressure so high that he could keel over and die at any moment, but if thinks this loving , nurturing and … nagging nature isn’t going to try rectify that then he has another think coming.
I have been waiting a long time for the dream of my knight in shining armour to come riding into my life and today I felt as though the horse kinda had a limp. Project body is very real to me and for some reason I think the timing of this relationship will be good for more than just me. So it’s off to the doctor tomorrow and we are going to do something about this blood pressure together … after all, if anyone knows that all you need is someone to believe in you, it’s me.
I seriously nearly fainted when he told me how high his blood pressure is, so by the time I got to the Ofra offices for my project body make-up trial I was in a state. My newly found friendship with Khanyi, who doubles as my project body partner from Karisa Wellness Spa, has grown so strong in such a short time and I was so grateful to be spending the morning with her when my head was in such chaos.
Thank you to Khanyi from Karisa Wellness Spa and Ofra Cosmetics yet another awesome make-up trial today!
It’s always such fun for girls to play with make-up, but it’s even nicer for girls to be able to talk about anything. The combination of friends chatting and eyelids being coloured slowly calmed my nerves and got me to focus on more than just the fact that my dream man is very sick.
I have a zit on my chin the size of a … um … not to exaggerate … okay, anything I’m thinking of is a total exaggeration, but trust me, it’s huge. Khanyi worked her magic and made it look as attractive as possible before sending me on my way for a day filled with exciting meetings and more dreams coming true.
I have such a great friend in Nick Duncan from My Scoop SA Aggregator and Greggie and I often jump in the car and head off to meet Nick for lunch. The chat is always a combination of personal going’s on (as personal as dudes like to get ) and then a whole lot of social media, SEO and blogging. He’s a wealth of information and someone I can turn to for any answers I need.
The timing couldn’t have been better after a very exciting social media chat because while having high-tea at The Winston Hotel and checking out the potential to have some awesome talks and Tweetups at this spectacular venue, I got an email. An email asking me to be on Radio 2000 on Saturday morning. Of course I was saying yet and I’m slowly watching my dream and hard work pay off as I become a voice in South Africa that gets to spread the word of how powerful our online force is and all that it is only getting strong.
It’s always so refreshing to know that Twitter has given me the great gift of friends like Nick who I can turn to and double check my thoughts on what exciting future social media holds in SA … another dream I await to see unfold.
On the last note, Nick has convinced me that Google+ will become something and I am going to put my efforts into being a part of it. So if you are on, find me jodenecoza@gmail.com … also … how about hitting that Google +1 button and showing me some project me love!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published July 13th, 2011
Before all the blogging, tweeting and social influencing I used to be an intuitive healing therapist. I loved it but being stuck in those treatment rooms for hours totally stifled my personality. One thing I never doubted was the potential of healing that the body can accept from powerful healing tools like Reiki, reflexology, crystal healing and massage.
Being both a teacher and a client on more than one occasion, I’ve had my fair share of healing treatments. I know the difference they make in my life and I know how it gently steers me back in the direction of my own need to heal my body. Why is that we seem to have a block to the very things that we know will be best for us? Yes, I’m saying ‘we’ because I really don’t feel like being alone in the world on this one.
I’ve gone from my charkas been slammed shut for years to having times when they were wide open and the energy was happily flowing … and then slammed shut again. I always know when it is, not because I’m disconnected from the world, but because I feel most disconnected from myself. From the outside looking in, I always imagine everyone seeing such a together and deeply connected individual, but if you ask Juliette from Body Mind Healing you might hear a different side to the story.
When I decided to do ‘project body’ I knew that this would be an all or nothing process. That’s why I chose to make it so public. I knew that there would be something different if I wasn’t just accountable to me. In the all or nothing process a part of me knew that some form of body, mind, soul healing would have to play a big part in this because it’s where I seem to sabotage myself the most.
There’s something special about choosing a healer and way before I even knew what Jules did, I knew we had a connection. I need that because the one thing I don’t do well at all is vulnerability.
When I get sick it’s usually when something snaps in my body or explodes completely out of proportion. Jules picked up straight away that so much happens in my mind, that she was telling me to shut up in the end. I knew she wasn’t talking about the words I was saying and was totally referring to the constant nattering in my head. I swear … it never shuts up for one second.
Within the first week of ‘project body’ I had already sabotage the exercise process and will only be well enough to get back to gym after a full two week’s break. Lying in the tranquil environment of Body Mind Healing and watching the mood therapy lights slowly change colour as Juliette gave me a reflexology session … I knew that it was time to maybe start doing a few things different.
This ‘hi, I’m miss tough chick with all my ducks in a row’, isn’t so true. ‘Project me’ has always been about speaking my truth, facing my fears and doing something different and only when I realise there’s something I don’t want to blog about, do I know that something has to change.
Of course I don’t want to say that there is so much blocked energy and that my inner child has been shoved out the way while this grown-up steers the ship. It’s so bad that when Mr Unexpected and my mother laugh hysterically at a joke, I read it as if it were the Sunday news. Yes, there’s fun in this person but the inner child is a little too stuck on my reputation to just let go.
Family always comes up and when Jules asked me what happened at the age of 6 … not only did I know that she was damn intuitive, but she also opened up a few things that have been hovering since I was a little girl. Most of it is all about not fitting in and in a family of 5 children when I was questioning my religion and God at the age of 6, in a Jewish home … it’s sure to cause some issues along the way.
These days, I openly tell everyone that I am protected by a dragon and I host pagan festivals for my friends at all the sabbats. For some reason, as open as I am … there’s a part of me that blocks out a whole lot more. Now that I have a man in my life, I don’t want to block out anything and I felt all the bungled up issues in my heart as Juliette hovered her hand there.
I was so thrown after the treatment that I had to go visit Greggie before I ate everything in the house. Something felt all topsy turvy inside and food became that comfort again. I went a bit overboard, but did something different and dragged myself away from the fridge. From incredible body mind healing therapy to some best friend therapy and then to the man I love for some … oh no, that’s not healing … that’s what freaking me out!
Next session … Tuesday 2pm!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published July 13th, 2011
It’s not easy being a cancer patient. I know what you’re all thinking, and I know that I could be accused of being Captain Obvious, but just stay with me here.
Sure, there’s the worry. Sure, there’s the pain. Sure, there’s the trauma of surgery, chemotherapy, radiation therapy, and all of that.
Look there’s even the emotional and mental scarring that happens if, like me, you’re lucky enough to recover. You know, the hit to your self-confidence, the reticence to take on life as before, even the desire to go hide under a rock and be left alone for the next few decades while you sort yourself out.
But one of the hardest aspects, and the part that I found most frustrating, is how do you deal with (and sometimes even take care of) the people around you – your family, your friends, your acquaintances, your doctors, your nurses, and even your social media community.
Why is that? Well because no-one knows how to deal with you. Your family and friends come close, because after all, they really care about you, and very quickly, they adapt to the shock and go straight into caring-about-you mode. But some of the others are harder, and some really need your support.
As I said, the closest people do adapt, and it’s remarkable really because they’re the ones most affected. I found myself worrying a lot about my parents, who are in their eighties – in fact my mother turned 80 four days before my first surgery, and we had a party planned for her, which we cancelled. I was concerned for their well-being and for how they would be taking it having their 57-year-old son in hospital fighting for his life. They came to visit me every day, and I really looked forward to it, but I had to keep assuring them that I was improving, and that the numbers were on the up, and yes, it was all right for my mother to get me a good cup of espresso from the hospital canteen, because I was afraid that the hospital kitchen’s crappy instant coffee would kill me before the cancer.
I was concerned about my children because…. well, because I’m the father of three daughters, and although they were already 29, 27, and 23, my job is to take care of them, and that was hard from a hospital bed. I must admit though, that by about the 754th “chill out, Dad”, I finally did, and got that they’d be ok.
I wouldn’t have made it without my wife Helene, so of course I had to take care of her and make sure that she had both enough energy to handle everything and enough knowledge of all our affairs to “take care of all family business” (said in Vito Corleone’s voice).
But acquaintances! These are people that aren’t quite close enough to be called your friends. And although they aren’t actually distant enough to be called the rest of the world, their cancer conversations are similar. They go something like this:
“Oh yeah. Cancer. My <insert relative or other person they know> had cancer last year.” Fantastic! I’m bracing myself now.
The story now takes one of two turns. One is “Yes, they beat it, and they’re now doing great!” Awesome! Bully for them, I’m thinking. They’re doing great and I’m in hospital fighting for my life. The other one goes something like “Yes, they fought and fought…….. but they died.” Oh! Well shit a brick!! That’s made my day!
(Here’s a tip for when you visit cancer patients. THEY’RE NOT INTERESTED IN CANCER!! Talk about politics, sports, films, books, your kids, their kids, the weather. Anything but war stories about your other friends who’ve either beaten it or been beaten by it.)
And then there’s an awkward silence. Because if their friend’s doing great, then they’re not sure how you feel about that, and if not, then they realise that they just totally dampened the mood. So, then, being a great patient, and in fact an impatient patient, I wouldn’t want to spend any more time in awkward silence, and I’d want to take care of them. What do you do? You create the segue into the next conversation. “Er… so… anyway, how’s work? You’re looking good. Have you lost weight? Did you see the football game last week?, etc, etc…..”
The next group is the medical professionals. You sit around (or lie around) a lot waiting for doctors to show up. And when they do, they don’t stay long. And if you happen to be asleep when they come, you might even almost miss them. So you lie there, trying to stay awake, memorising the things you need to ask them – afraid you’ll forget the most important ones. And then *poof* they’re gone, and you discover that you did forget that question, and now you’re concerned about its answer, and worried that you’ll forget the next time as well, and now being impatient because it could be 24 hours till the next time.
And you really – I mean really – want to take care of the nurses. They’re your life-blood. And one thing I realised very early on is that I needed to preserve their energy, their time, even their feelings. I had some awesome nurses, and I am constantly amazed by these people and what they actually have to do for what seems like very little remuneration and recognition. Now while I couldn’t remunerate them, I took it upon myself to recognise and acknowledge them for everything they did for me, as well as try to preserve their energy. I especially loved the student nurses, who hadn’t been in the system long enough to be jaded by obnoxious and demanding patients (and I made sure that they knew that I wasn’t one of them).
And finally, there’s the social media community. And this is something unusual. I have become friends with a large number of people that I have met online – some of whom I may never ever meet in what’s colloquially known as RL, some of whom I have met and am quite close to, and some of whom I communicate with casually and irregularly via Twitter, Facebook, Blogging, and email. And surprisingly (or not), this group of people is easy to deal with. In fact, my biggest issues are “Gee I haven’t written a blog post for a while – I better get on to it” or “I hope I haven’t offended anyone with this tweet” or “I hope they like this status update”.
But you know what the good thing has been? No matter how often or not I write, no matter how much I offend someone, no matter whether or not anyone likes my status update, someone would always show up saying something nice and giving me a good feeling about life.
Moshe’s blog: From the Mosh Pit
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With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
