Jodene is the co-founder of:
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Published January 21st, 2011
I’ve seriously been trying to blog since 7am this morning. I don’t have to defend myself and say I’m the glass half full girl so it’s not like I need to slip into positive affirmation mode and cling to my dreams. Nothing has changed. My cup still runneth over with abundance and love. I don’t even feel less positive or motivated. I can see it all in front of me but today I feel like I need to carry a fly swat around with me and keep whacking at all of life’s obstacles that are clouding my day.
The beginning of the year seems so far away that I can’t remember if I told you I get together with some friends and we do an annual tarot reading. No fortune telling but rather a better understanding of who we are and who we have the power to be in this year. Everything is neutral. There’s no good or bad, but I can’t get the picture of the tower card out of my head.
I literally have my home being broken down around me and with that comes a whole lot of other obstacles that seem to be clouding the momentum to move.
I have to speak my frustration before I go any further though. I’m not big on painting life with the rosy affirmation brush of denial. I also don’t believe that seeing the truth of a situation and expressing it shows negativity if it’s expressed correctly.
It’s not like I’m saying “Oh woe is me, my life is falling down around me and it’s all sucky and the Universe is picking on me!”
Yes, there is chaos around me but I know everything happens for a reason and I’m completely grateful, unafraid and living in the moment … so stop telling me to be positive! Learn the difference between living in the truth and complaining and then we can chat.
What was I blogging about again? Oh right … life getting in the way!
I’m trying to figure out whether I should spare you the minor details or whether I should just get to the ‘project me’ part of what I’m going to do to be conscious of this little tower card that will be hanging around for an entire year?
I’m going to do what I always do! I’m going to tell myself the truth and then tell everyone else. I will deal with the consequences of my thoughts and actions and make sure I carry tissues around because it usually brings about a tear or two. I’m going to remain in the incredible space of faith and fall back onto my addiction of food (with a little more consciousness and the help of the SlimLab tablets). Then I’m going to do what I do be – be me! Write when I want to, cry when I want to, sigh when I want to, complain when I want to, drink tea when I want to and fly away on dragons when I need to.
It’s still a nowhere day, but I know that! I’m no less of the magnificent woman I am and no step back from the powerful dreams I have … it’s just a day where hammers, drills, loud generators, screaming builders, wedding plans, sibling rivalry, missing daddy, injured little nephews, sexual frustration, niggly back pain and blog glitches have all gotten in the way!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published January 20th, 2011
Today’s post was supposed to be entitled Laugh, cry, sigh, ice cream! I have been anticipating blogging all day and have so much to share with you about yesterday but it’s another day in South Africa.
If you are anywhere else in the world that might need a little explaining. The weather is perfect and I am sitting in the gorgeous apartment of my dearest friend, Twinkletoes.
The African kicker though is that my electricity at home went off just after 10pm last night. The not having electricity part is pretty normal, but for it to be off for so many hours is now just pathetic (oooh, I think I just ranted for the first time on my blog!) So mom and I were rescued by Twinkletoes who fetches us and plugged everything in at his quaint apartment. Blackberry’s and laptops are all charging … hallelujah!! Unless something very exciting happens in the short few hours left of the day I might not have much to blog about tomorrow because no electricity and offline for hours doesn’t generate much news.
Yesterday was a different story though. It was jam packed with emotion, events and project me moments. Now that the builders have moved onto the property the wake up call is the sound of banging, crashing and workmen shouting instructions to each other. Now I’m up earlier, but with all the exciting plans I don’t seem to be minding all that much. Once I’ve finished blogging in the morning I find I have time for a whole lot of other ideas to flow and am getting more comfortable with the routine that doesn’t have to revolve around the blog. I can’t believe how much of a role the blog is now playing in the business and it’s been an incredible exercise to prepare press packs, work so closely with my stats and brainstorm ideas to turn the blog into a stable income for the business. Yesterday will filled with a new concept that we are working on and I can’t wait for the big reveal. It’s just a little difficult to hold onto that excitement when the home that my father built for us is being torn down around me. All my boxes that have been in storage don’t have space there anymore and now I see them being left hanging around the entrance, shoved into cupboards and piled up on the outside patio! Talks of how, where and when of the move are also weighing on me and I keep on having to drag my mind back to the excitement and enthusiasm of the day. That’s why I Tweeted and Facebooked that no matter what the priorities of the day where, ice cream was the order of the day.
Twinkletoes came to the rescue again and we threw together an impromptu dinner where the food was just a sideline for the big ice cream finale. I always say that ice cream can solve the world’s problems and my theory was pretty much proved right last night. I don’t hold many elements of shame still, thanks to all the ‘project me’ work I have done one myself. However, living with my mom is something I seem to still battle with.
Because of this I haven’t had many friends over in the year and a half I have been home and then created chaos by stressing that I don’t want to move with my mother in the next few months. I don’t have any private space and this isn’t great for a single 30-something year old girl with needs and a sponsor who owns an adult store. My friends are very open and we always end up getting completely inappropriate when we get together. No, we don’t strip down naked in front of each other, but we do share stories about who we stripped down naked in front of.
When I live alone my home is very open and I have lost a lot of that since moving back to my mom (for all the right reasons!) Last night everything changed though … there Twinkletoes, Greggie, my mom and I had dinner together. I gave myself a pep talk in the morning and decided to get over my crap and ask them for dinner. I didn’t invite my brother or sister to the table even though they live there and I battled with that too. Yet, we ended up having one of the best nights I have had in years. There was nothing my friends couldn’t say in front of my mom and the whole time I was wondering why I shouldn’t have done this years ago? That settled my mind instantly and I feel chilled that I will be able to move with my mom. We are more like friends now and there is no part of me that is disrespectful, so what the hell have I been carrying on about?
If you’ve been following my blog you will also know that it’s not like I choose to share my space with fleeting shags either. I realised something else last night. While the candles were lit, the dinner was prefect and the ice cream was served fit for a king, I repeated the thing that I always say: “Whoever gets me will be very lucky!” For the first time I understood what I was saying. I wasn’t asking myself where this person in my life is. I was stating that he’s out there and wondering why I just haven’t let him in yet? No pressure of course … but maybe it’s time to think about just how powerful I am!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published January 19th, 2011
My beautiful palm tree
There are thing happening all around me and I have a whole lot of reasons to cry and fall apart. ‘Project me’ is about knowing that everything is as it should be and that I am that powerful that I will make all the pieces fall into place. That isn’t an affirmation where I am still trying to convince myself – it’s a knowing! I am that strong and I am that brave.
Despite the fact that builders have invaded our house and we have notification that we need to be out by July, I have held it all together. Besides the fact that the business isn’t financially secure, just yet, for me to move into my own place tomorrow, I have a sunny disposition. Never mind that my sister’s wedding in about 23 days away and I am watching her struggle and stress as the day gets closer. Remembering the point that my father’s estate is still not wound up and I am watching it put a whole lot of stresses and pressures on my mother. Then there’s the little point of my back taking ages to heal and my fear of getting back to the gym in case I do any further damage. Oh … and not forgetting the I”M STILL SINGLE bit!
Surely there are enough things in there to make a girl shed a tear or two? What’s the thing that brings me to tears?
We have sold the house we live in and builders are all around us turning it into offices. (Yes, it’s that big!) That means there is no more care for the garden or the fact that my dad planted the banana tree they cut down yesterday and they are going to cut down my beautiful palm tree to make way for parking – not even a building, just a parking bay.
It’s not like I’m going to chain myself to trees in the near future, but there is a part of me that really is bonded to nature. I was born that way. I have always believed that everything is made from the same Source and therefore everything has life! So … when the hacking started and the powerful green leaves hit the ground one branch at a time … this girl cried … a lot!
My best friend is logical and told me the tree wasn’t indigenous! It pained me to communicate with him for the rest of the day. Who gets to pick and choose what life to merely hack away at because it’s going to hamper an entire building site? Irrational? Well this is the one irrational side of me then … the tree hugger in me is having a horrible time.
We are waiting to hear how long we can still stay in the house for and my silent prayer is: “Don’t take down my palm tree until I’m far, far away from here!)
This isn’t new … it dates back to when I was a little girl and my dad sent us all shopping and told us while we were away he would be cutting three branches off our grand tree that shaded the house. Lying daddy cut the tree and only left the stump. Till the day he died (because I never let it go) he always said he kept his promise and cut only three branches. Yes, there were three huge branches that were the foundation of that tree once they were gone there was only a stump.
In another breath, my dad built this very house that we live in around a huge palm tree … yep, they cut that one down a few days ago!
Greggie had a tree destroying the wall of his house and he had to sit down with me and explain exactly why it was detrimental to his home, all the other trees and to the potential safety of his animals and passers by that he cut down the tree. I didn’t go visit on that fateful day.
And my favourite … there once was this very cute man! He was a tree feller … I said: “Oh, you’re the man who murders tree!”
Yes … I put this song on repeat and prayed for the souls of those who cut down innocent trees … sigh!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published January 18th, 2011
Dear diary
It’s very seldom that I don’t feel like blogging for the world to see and allowing everyone into my head and my heart.
There is a fortune going on between the notification that we have to be out of the house by July and little sis’s wedding in about 25 days time. The events are all very exciting but issues of money are tampering with the esteem and the outlook on the momentous occasions.
Wasn’t yesterday great? With all the planning for the growth of the blog and how damn confident am I of what I want and deserve? Then do you have any idea why I got home and after hitting that crazy wave of exhaustion, I hit a complete downer?
It’s annoying me that I have to tell everyone that I had a nice binge eat to cope with the wavering esteem. Well I could focus on the better part of the esteem and say I shoveled healthy(er) crackers down my throat instead of half a dozen slices of bread.
I don’t mind sharing that I’m dealing with the elevator phobia! That’s a good distraction and a nice boost for the esteem. But then again I have only really adjusted to the one at Twinkletoe’s apartment and I can’t spend my life only visiting him.
That was huge for the esteem actually. Usually I only share the madness of my mind and the shame that plagues me with Greggie and my mom. I know I’m getting better at blogging about it, but I haven’t really let another friend in to hear some of the madness that goes on. It was great to let Twinkletoes in, even though I had a few moments of ‘pass me the wine’ to get through the truths. There was the low freak out esteem part of only owning a fridge at my age. I mean really, I’m the girl who know that value and worth is not material and my esteem is high in the clouds when knowing what I can manifest. A fridge today and all I can dream of tomorrow. Maybe it’s not so bad to let everyone see how irrational the esteem can be, after all, that is what I want to share as a teacher, right?
One of the things I pride myself in is not only showing the world the well put together, positive affirmations, all is rosy girl! That’s super high esteem as it is.
Not forgetting that I stuck to a huge ‘project me’ promise and invited my dearest friends to Lammas,the first Pagan festival,of the year. No hesitations! No regrets! Just a great pride in my beliefs and an excitement that I’m sticking to my ‘project me’ promises and that my path is so beautiful and very me. That’s not to say that I won’t mess with the esteem as it gets closer to the time considering I shall be showing my alter and a simple version of some pagan gratitude to mother earth and a few gods and goddesses. Huge esteem Jodene, well done you!!
Why then, with all the positivity, exciting things to look forward to and glimmers of greatness, don’t I feel like blogging at all? Not that I’m not gonna … right? This is me!! The girl who sees the glass half full! So enough hiding from the world, but thanks for being there for me to rant a little and build up that esteem until I felt ready enough to blog … which is now!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published January 17th, 2011
I’m not sure how alone I am in the world with the wanderings (it took me years to learn the difference between wandering and wondering, but the way) of my mind. Maybe if I weren’t daydreaming so much in school I might have learned the grammatical difference long ago, but I would much rather have it this way.
When I was younger I did it to escape from reality and went as far as having two separate lives. My sister and I used to ‘play a game’ called Mary and Jane. If she’s reading this we will still be arguing about who was Mary and who was Jane, but none the less it was as vivid as the tale of being all grown up, busy executives. Even then I knew exactly what I wanted to be. When I wasn’t playing with my sister I had all my teddy bears lined up in a row and I was education them because teaching has been my favourite play/past time/career since before I could even spell properly. Okay, so nothing changes and thank goodness for spell check and editors.
As I grew older my imagination grew with me, but it never went away and escaping to my other world has been a little more powerful that I might have ever imagined. That’s my meditation! Unplanned, without sitting in a special place, lighting candles or shutting out noise … I just go there!
Where?
Well that’s the amazing part. You see yesterday was filled with a house packed with nephews, siblings, noise and mess. Everything I love but something I need to escape from without having the ability to leave and so my imagination saves me. It always has!
It’s one thing to escape into the imagination (and we all now how powerful that is … I hope!) but it’s another to wish you had Dorothy’s ruby red slippers and you could click your heals three times and go anywhere for a day. It’s the same thing, isn’t it? lol … well anyway, I started that yesterday and woke up this morning with a determination to find me my own red slippers and get to where I wanna go.
I could almost here the chimes of the church bells as I woke up in Rome. I’ve been there in reality, but certainly not for long enough. There is a little market I have to revisit and another half dozen flavours of ice cream I have to savour. I didn’t drink nearly enough water from the historic water pipes that flow freely for all to drink. My little red shoes would add the man of my dreams and a cloudless night where we would savour the sunset at the Trevi fountains.
My heart pounds with excitement as the romantic night flows into morning and there is one last shopping spree (for something Dolce and Gabbana no less) before we hold hands and rush to train that is heading for Venice. I’ve been there too but with not enough time and certainly too little money and time I can wait at the water taxi for my precious friend Pandora (and I’m throwing in a dream that she has the love of her life too) so that we can explore the majesty of Venice and shop without a care in the world.
Those shoes click me off to a few places I have dreamed of visiting too … Like every corner of Ireland, just because it’s the sexiest accent in the world and this girl loves Irish spunk. There’s Chicago and New York City, there’s a tropical beach or two but more importantly, there’s a villa in Spain (or was that France?)
I have book signings here and a radio interview there. An auditorium filled with eager attendees who want a moment with Jodene of “project me”. I am nervous every time I hear the muttering of hundreds of people waiting for the talk to begin, but then again I was just as nervous to teach 10 teddy bears or stand in front of real students or write my initial entries to the ‘project me’ blog. Sometimes I’m still nervous.
In Dorothy’s shoes I have learned to do more than just imagine … I have learned be and know that the timing might not be now, but it’s on the path. The dreams of today place every brick that paves the yellow brick road to all that I know I want and desire.
And it flows … I woke up hearing the church bells of Rome and I will go to sleep hearing the waves as they crash outside my beach house somewhere off the coast of paradise. My imagination is my meditation and my meditation is the centering, peace and awakening I need to wake up, be brave and create! Now as soon as I can I’m ditching Dorothy’s shoes and getting me some Jimmy Choo’s because this girl ain’t never gonna stop clicking my heals.
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published January 16th, 2011
The other day while out to lunch with Greggie, I was served a cappuccino that was just a tad too cold for my liking. As I raised my hand to call the waiter, I said to Greggie “I don’t often complain, but …” Before I could even finish my sentence my best friend was giggling, chuckling and trying desperately to refrain from howling with laughter. How very rude!
I don’t think I’m much of a complainer, but clearly it’s because I keep saying “I don’t often complain …” that it’s helped me convince my brain that I let the world pass me by complaint free.
If ever I had a spotlight shine in my face considering that even my blog begins with a complaint.
I boiled the kettle because I have my traditional ritual (or anal vice) of blogging with tea. So I begin blogging, choose the pic of the day and wait for the kettle to boil. I never complain, but my brother used the water … all of it! He didn’t boil the kettle, yet he uses it. Guess what for? To throw down the drain as his drain unblocking prevention mechanism. That’s worth complaining about … right?
With tea in hand (an not complaining that for the past month I have been drinking gross tea because my brother doesn’t obey the shopping orders) I need to explain my choice of pic for the day. Now I would never complain about having my precious nephews staying over until Tuesday because their mom is very hard working and I do adore the little guys. But seriously, how many times can children watch one Disney movie. I should have counted from about 4 years back when they met Buzz and Woody, but I doubt I’m exaggerating when I say I have seen it 500 times. If it’s been 4 times between last night and midday, trust me it adds up fast. Every time I watch the scene with when Buzz has a rocket strapped to his back I do have dreams of him really shooting away and taking his friend Woody with him. This coming from the chick who loves fairytales, cartoon and … well, Disney!
It’s my own fault … you never hear me complaining about living back home with my mom and two of my siblings. I made a very conscious choice for all the right reasons, so I’m not complaining. I’m not complaining but I don’t have any space to myself and today I feel like a caged animal. It’s not anyone’s fault but all I want to do is lie down and sleep the pain in my back and my neck aways.
I could read, right? The other day I might have mentioned that I battled to pick up a pot of tea to pour it because my back is causing aches and pains everywhere … well today I’m just saying that I’m battling to lift the teapot. So, without grumbling about it to much, I did try read but seriously it was even a bitch to hold the book!
Okay, I know I have done a fair amount of complaining about my back but a herniated/sequestrated disk is worth complaining about. Actually, for the amount of pain I have endured and for the month and month … and MONTHS I have been dealing with this for I don’t think I’ve complained nearly enough.
Today is particularly bad and I think I’m going to have to swallow those strong painkillers. I hate taking medication … I’m sure I mentioned it before, without complaining about it of course.
Is today dragging or is it just me? I know, I know … it’s the weekend and I should be happy that I have a whole day to chill, but seriously today is dragging. I think it’s because my body is sore, there is no place for me to be on my own, toy story is on again, the tea is gross and I have a pain in my neck … or is that I am a pain in the neck?
Just checking … if I don’t say anything but simply *sigh* is that complaining too? Because then I have a whole lot of explaining to do 
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published January 15th, 2011
Now that I’ve found a system that works for me and I don’t have to measure my food or cut out anything, I finally feel as though food is my friend. I’m also beginning to watch the patterns of what I do when I want to eat and how I handle it.
Let’s say that the last few days have been no less than a mild crisis when it comes to writing, career and showing the world the real me. So food is my addiction when I am dealing with shame and I have discovered that interesting things about my life choices and personality shame me.
“Project me” is my push to be conscious about everything I do in my life and thanks heavens for that. Without it I would never have noticed the reasons why I shovel food down my throat after I have done anything that shows glimmers of my bold personality. I mean really, I have been tweeting more and being a whole lot more ‘me’ and with teach cheat I have had a cracker and cheese. Can you image the food fest when I posted my blog on Organic Orgasm and told the world about my sex drive crisis? I think there were an additional 5 crackers that came with the word, Masturbation! Silly as it may seem, this is the addiction I have created.
So I discovered the weight watchers points system and it is slowly teaching me the quantity of food I need to fuel my body for the day. I have even managed to still deal with my addiction and eat 5 bowl of salad instead of 5 slices of bread … quantity and constant shoveling of food into my mouth totally settled the chaos. You can just imagine how proud I am of myself that I am slowly finding solutions to my issues while I definitely share more of my bold personality with the world.
Well, there is always a day that tests that theory and shakes the foundation of what seems so simple. Today is the day and I’m writing about it because tomorrow will be more interesting. I have 26 points for a day and today I think I have eaten 40. It began with breakfast at Greggie’s house where Twinkletoes arrived with chocolate filled croissants and then I went on to make lavishly filled omelettes with cheese, bacon and tomatoes and mushrooms fried in butter. It didn’t end there after we ended up at Twinkletoes for tea and I had little samoosas and lindt chocolate cubes. Oh, it didn’t end there … when I got home my nephews were here and I tucked into the popcorn, shrimp chips and stood with my sister while she cooked dinner that I will be indulging in later.
To be a little more honest, I’m in a little low self esteem about money and it doesn’t help that my back is acting up again. I couldn’t ask for a better business partner and best friend because Greggie keeps on reminding me that my health is more important and that the money will come. It will come. The result is that I am getting emotional about it and trying to force myself not to have to prove myself because my partner isn’t expecting it at all and neither is my mother, under whose roof I am living. It’s me … I need to prove it to me and it comes with a price. That price … being kind to myself.
I say that to my friends so often: “Be kind to yourself!” and now it’s my turn … hence the food guzzling day! Hence the reason why I’m sharing it with you, because tomorrow is the key more than today.
Tomorrow is the day where I wake up and know that i went over my points and that over the next few days I need to eat 20 points to make up for it. It’s not about cutting anything out, but it’s about my greatest lesson this year … to not start over! If I eat unconsciously tomorrow again, it will carry on day after day and then I will feel as though I am starting over … but if I wake up tomorrow and just carry on counting points then I will have a very big and brave ‘project me’ moment.
You do know that the vicious honesty cycle continues and because I was so brave in sharing this all I want to do is EAT? EAT!
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published January 14th, 2011The Peech Hotel thanks to the Mr and Mrs Nicholl’s honeymoon surprise
My Scoop SA Aggregator thanks to Nick Duncan’s project me interview
Alt X Sports thanks to Kim Penny’s project me story
Hustler Extreme thanks to Kim Joselowitz’s project me story
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published January 14th, 2011Mr Motivator thanks to Fred Felton’s interview
The Lunatic Cafe thanks to Nikki Ramsey’s project me story
Life story and me thanks to Antony Chacko’s project me story
From the Mosh Pit thanks to Moshe Goldberg’s project me story
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
Published January 14th, 2011Arcadia children’s home with thanks to DK’s project me story
Food and Trees for Africa with thanks to Carol Milner’s project me story
CANSA thanks to the UCit and 5fm charity drive
With courage, consciousness & a sense of humour
